Monday, July 23, 2007

Agony Aunt and the Aunt who doesn't agonize

I have recently come into contact with one of my acquaintances whom I have met through an ex many many years ago.

She was, actually, the only person who could identify with my pain at that time. That said, I came to see her as a good friend. I lost contact with her for about a year after I left KL for JB.

She was the one who told me that my ex played me all along. She was there when I called my ex who told me he was in Hong Kong, when he was here in Malaysia, screwing around during the weekend with another woman. Being in the same clique and because we met through our lying and cheating boyfriends, we sought solace in each other’s company.

I am happy that she is now in a long term relationship with another guy. But things aren’t going so grand for her right now, she said. There is a third person involved, and she is not going to take that lying down.

After listening to her yesterday, I honestly do not know what would be the right thing for me to say. Who is a boyfriend but someone who comes (No pun intended, hahaha… I am cracking myself up here!) and goes? To me, a boyfriend has almost always mean one thing, disappointments, truck loads of it.

I told her, let me just call her F, to not think about it too much. Being that this situation is really quite impossible to control. She told me that she is not strong enough to end it, like me.

I didn’t mean to suggest that she end the 5 year relationship. I have never had that kind of relationship before, co I can’t reciprocate with the need for her to investigate the whole mess.

To me, it sounded as if she is the only one who is fighting to keep it going, whilst the guy is only taking it one day at a time. Trust is a big issue in these kind of things yes? and often, women would be the ones who run around in circles trying to make everything work!

“Babe, learn to care for yourself. Don’t care too much about him. No one could care for you like you can for yourself.”

I astounded myself for being so… unhelpful. Here is my friend who is in love with someone with whom she has been with for 5 years and when something like this happens and she asked me for advice (Though I could not imagine why), all I could come up with is the whole care for yourself crap?!

How did I deal with these things? I walked away, never looked back, as hurt and frustrated and disappointed as I was. To me, if my so called boyfriend could even make room for infidelities in the relationship, then he is not worth having one with.

But what if I am married? Could I just walk away and never look back? If that is not an option, what is? I am not sure if walking away means I am strong, or that I am just someone who gives up at a drop of a coin.

Afterall, Mabe, another friend, did tell me that I give up too easily.

In the end, all I could tell her was to hang on, and do what is right, which is kind of elusive. I have never felt so… useless.

But I sincerely hoped that by just listening to her and being there for her could at least, help, a little.


  1. Babe, sometimes all you could do is just be there for your friend when she does decide to end the relationship with her bf...

    when it comes to matters of the heart, ppl sometimes dont think clearly. Dont be too pessimistic but at the same time dont be too optimistic either. Sigh...

  2. I'll promish that we'll go clubbing with the girls ok?

    Cepatlah datang!

  3. u did the right thing, love.

    to be there for her.

    but to answer one of the question - what if it's a marriage instead of relationship bf/gf thingie?

    susah kan?

  4. Hello Sarclover,

    Thanks for dropping by my blog. You write well. I see that you are an Aquarian, as well as a child of the Sheep year. I am the same just 12 years older. ;)

    What you did for your friend was good enough. At least that is what I think. It is true that taking care of oneself is most important. I also believe that walking away from something disastrous shows strength, no matter how difficult. It may not happen immediately but it eventually will when one decides to do it for the sake of sanity.

  5. I think by just having a friend to listen to your worries is good enough. The support you showed will help her to grow stronger. Maybe you're frustrated for not able to provide a good solution to her, but don't worry. When she's strong enough, and knows what's best for her, she'll know what to do.

  6. cOSMIC,

    so the solution is to take things ast they come?? aiyohh.. why so complicated.. cant we just fall in love and fuck happily ever after.. :P

    Sheryl, definitely... belanja me one bucket eh?? hahaha...

  7. freaky,

    that question is a verrrrryyyyy subjective one... elusive as well...


    you think? i think she is losing her sanity over this whole thing, thats whats been bigging me because i believe that we shouldnt, not over something like this.

  8. dnas,

    i'll take your word for it dear..