Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010 and resolutions

It is now 01/01/10.

Being that I work US hours, needless to say, I was working when the clock strikes 12 am.

I went from one staff to another wishing them a happy new year. I gave them a huge new year hug (Which I was told, if my US counterparts were to do, would result in a definite sexual harassment case).

A colleague from another project came up to our floor to give Joyce and I new year hugs and wishes, which I found very sweet and thoughtful of him.

Well, another year flew by. 2009 was... well interesting.

I decided to go back to my resolution list that was made for 2008. I found out that I have achieved most of the things that I want to do in that year as of 31st Dec. 2009.

I have managed to secure a better position, with better prospects. I know now what I can do if I push myself hard enough. I have people who believes in me which makes me feel all... fluffy and cottony inside (Ignore if this just does not quite sound right... :P)

Ok... on the hobby side (Photography, digital SLR and stuff), I didn't quite have the time to act on that, but hey, that can always wait. What matters is that, I achieved the number one thing on my list.

I didn't really resolute on anything as far as my 'relationship status' is concerned. I have resigned to the fact that if I am going to be single for now and continue to be unimpressed with each and every one of the men that I came across with, then BE IT! I am not doing anything about it, mainly because... well... it is just tiring to jump back on the wagon and start another pointless thingy with strange men with more hair than I can handle.

Newly wed Jade said that she should spend more time with me so that her positive aura can somewhat 'infect' me. Well, Babe... we can try! Betul ke takde yummy ones to recommend? Hahahaha...

Anyway, as far as this year's resolution goes, I aim to be a better person. I guess what I need now is not a specific target to achieve. The subjectivity of this reso makes it more interesting. Anything can come out from aiming to be a better person, innit?

I will however continue to strive and learn the ropes in this Management stuff that I have gotten into. I have nothing but sincere hopes in making my team members a better person than they already are, so that they can spread their wings... and fly (properly, not stupidly).

Happy New Year Everybody....

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Last year's Christmas, I was working.

This year's Christmas, I was working, but I was decked out... and I was laughing it out.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Gluttony For Punishment?

I was watching reruns of Friends when someone YM me. It was a rainy afternoon and I just finished doing my laundry and it was a Sunday, so I was surprised when I saw an acquaintance that I have not heard from for quite a while on my screen.

I knew this woman when I was dating one of my many exes, once upon a time ago. I was on and off in contact with her and though I 'tried' to keep in touch, we eventually lost touch again.

The last time we got through to each other was when she called me.This was a long time ago.

Everytime we got in touch with each other, the discussion always got to discussing about her relationships. The last time she was in one with a foreigner, she informed me that the man physically abused her. I told her to get out of it. She told me that for some reason, she could not and that it was difficult for her to do that because she was in love with the shameless man.

I backed down because I have never been in that kind of situation. I wouldn't know how I would react if I am in one. I have been lucky thus far, the men that I have been with never raised a hand on me. I don't know if it was because I was not worth that much for them to do so.

I have never cared about them anyway.

So we got to chatting a bit. I asked how she was doing and vice versa. She asked if I am married. I said 'HELL NO' and told her that I am much happier single and not thinking about problematic men. I am also concentrating on my career and I don't give a rat's ass about dating.

I asked her how she was doing. She said that she is now in a relationship, with another foreigner, who is cheating on her. She said she found out a lot of things she shouldn't have found out and although she is so called in a relationship, it didn't feel like it.

I asked her why is she in the relationship if it is fucked up and worthless. I told her to just stop being in it and just hang out more with friends. It is better that way, and leave things to its' course.

To me, I told her, things will happen when it does. No point staying in a relationship that won't work. I was talking from experience.

She, in turn told me that she doesn't have friends who would help her, and I honestly don't know how is that possible.

I don't have many friends, but I am lucky enough to have a few that I really treasure and whom I know would have my back whenever I need help.

She also asked me if I club nowadays, I said no, and promptly elaborated my answer saying that 'I grew out of that phase.'

I think she is older than I am, but I couldn't remember and we have never been close enough for me to know any kind of details about her.

Sometimes I do think that it might be true that most women are gluttons for punishment.

Why do most of us get stuck in the same ol' shit over and over again without making a change is for now, beyond me. I hope I would never get to find out, or be in those kinds of situations ever.

I found myself, irritated and annoyed by this woman's explanation. The excuses that she gave me that never seemed to change. She still sounds needy like the first time I met her. I guess this feeling also comes up from the fact that she only pops up once in a while, and instantly takes me as her punching bag, telling me the same kind of things, only the people in it seemed to change.

I ended the conversation. The question has been lingering in my head for a few hours since then.

If most women are indeed, gluttons for punishment, I hope I am not one of them.

So, I leave you lovely capable, extraordinary women out there with this. I think it is empowering.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Sometime in the past, I was jumping from one relationship to another.

I am reminded of that when I went through my blog.

I started this blog back in 2007. In actuality, I have blogged longer than I that. my first two blogs, I shut down because I was 'grieving' after my so called relationships with a couple of fucktards didn't work out.

Of course, back then, I sort of figured that I am a fuck-tard myself.

I also realized that when you really actually have nothing to say, people flock to your blog. My entries were simple, I was (Still is) an exhibitionist and my posts were simply, posts that didn't make any kind of sense at all.

Then again, which blog actually has any kind of sense in them anyway?

I also decided to drop by Izso's blog. Since he became a father, his postings have become shorter and shorter. His most current post lamented on how writing used to be so much fun.

Back then when people just have good things to say, or criticism that's conveyed with tack and civility. This brand of readers and bloggers are becoming harder and harder to come by.

I used to be able to post nearly 20 posts a month, now, well, I'd consider it productive if I actually managed to come up with 7 per month. Of course, back then, I have free unrestricted (Except to Porn sites) internet access in the office and loads of time on my hands.

Now, well, the main reason would be that I am a workaholic who works more than 40 hours per week, more interested in finishing my work rather than using the internet and writing blogs.

The urge to prove to myself and also to my bosses that I am every bit capable to handle everything that's thrown my way supercedes my love for writing, at the moment.

And to be honest, another reason would also be that now, I only want to write about other things of lesser importance just because I don't want to be thinking about anything too seriously.

I am not trying to be a superwoman. I don't think I can, but I do think that I am somewhat a formidable force when it comes to work and career. Not easy to manage 20 people and I know other people who have managed more than 300 people in a single division.

I am thinking if they can do it, I can do it most definitely.

I will just have to resist the temptation to bang my head against the wall. Good thing my office doesn't have windows... I am on the 16th floor afterall.

Hey... I actually came up with an entry! Sweet!