Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It's not Right But it's Occay-Pt. 2

‘How are you?’

And I recognized the number. I told the person to not contact me anymore. That was my last text to him, a couple of months ago.

I was, in my honest opinion, bent on making it as painless as possible. The thing was, it didn’t have any kind of effect on me whatsoever. It was just something that happened back then. I went my own way, I bade him well… well… not literally but… I was not in my ‘goodwill’ mood.

And there were really no damages. I hardly saw him, and he seemed to not want to be with me anyway. I felt… unwanted… if that’s the word. I’d be unfair if I say that everything was his fault. It was also my fault to not be able to live up to his expectations. My idea of a relationship does not fulfill his and vice versa.

I am the defected product. So zip it.

Somehow, I know that really, it was something that I should have said before we came together. It was in my guts, I knew I was only in it for the attention, and it was also an act of desperation, I guess because I was trying to be in a relationship to ‘forget a relationship’.

A rebound, actually.

‘Sarcy felt so damn bad.And somewhat... evil’

Sometimes people do things that cannot be explained. I was close to deciding that I could not get what I want, so I will settle for something that I have, or could get, whether or not I WANT it.

What do you want ay? Women complicate things. We do wish that we could be as clueless as men are but that ship sailed to Timbaktu. We are better connected to our surroundings and dammit, we are also more tuned to our own emotional pleas and whatnots.

Ugh... I would love to say that I hated myself for having done it… but I don’t really…

Again, I’d rather be alone than unhappy.

Monday, August 18, 2008

A month before Puasa.. woohoo

Things I would love to get next month;

High heeled boots - RM 99
Leather handbag - RM 179
Gym tote from Nike - RM 229
Running shoes from Nike - RM 379
Yoga shoes from Nike - RM 299
Track pants from Nike - RM 198
Workout top from Nike - RM 198
Yoga tees from Brit India - RM 69 (each… Ouch!)
Watch from Guess - RM 499
Long halter dress - RM 89

Note the ‘I would love’ part of the sentence. But of course as usual, I would not be getting even half of those things I want. Maybe I’d be getting the leather handbag (remember my bag with the broken strap… Yeah!) and the running shoes from Nike because my two year old runners now already has a tongue courtesy of a peeled off sole.

Furthermore, next month would already be fasting month. I would be busy coordinating my house’s paintjob, the cakes and raya biscuits reservation, the draperies, the Raya gifts I would usually get for my family members and of course the much dreaded ‘Duit Raya’ to give out to my little cousins.

I am supposed to get a brand new Baju Kurung Johor and Kebaya, get my Wiwa serviced for the long drive home (I would only get to go back on the first day of Raya, by the way.), and a billion other things to think about.

Not to mention totally ruining my diet and exercise regiment as we would definitely be stuffing our face with ketupat, rendang and other fatty treats.

And you would think that with all that spending, one should be losing weight because of the decreased purse weight rather than gaining an extra inch on the waist eh?

Headache…. Somebody save meeeee!!!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Fembot. No I wasn’t swearing...

I have not been reading or buying women magazines these days. I would usually buy them for the health, workout and fashion tips they have, which are really useful.

I am a stylish hippie so being in the know always works to my advantage.

However, due to lack of time, I don't buy them anymore. Glossy magazines are getting expensive nowadays, no? I mean, one of the regulars I used to buy cost me only about RM 4.30 back then. Now they are priced at RM 5.70! the other one is now priced at RM 11! Add those up and you can get yourself a double shot tall iced Caramel Macchiato and hours of free wireless!

Anyway, my cousin, who is now studying in JB, left a couple of rather interesting women magazines here at my aunt’s house. It is a good toilet read. It was actually a 2007 publication but to me, whatever goes, as long as it’s readable and well, understandable. Reading Shakespeare in the toilet is quite heavy for the bowels... yknowhatimean?

One article caught my attention. The author was talking about the rise of FemBots; women who are emotionally detached with naked ambitions and who are fearful of commitment. I don't know if I am cool enough to be a part of a clique which included Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore, but there is one statement in the article that I could identify with. It is under the section that says Emotional Anorexia and it is one of the cons of being a FemBot, which goes, quote;

“... Being emotionally detached and in control 100% is not healthy... it’s psychologically destructive. It’s also very selfish, because you are not making any sacrifices. If you have a negative ‘I don't need anyone’ thought pattern, you’ll get precisely out of your life what you have put in, which is basically zero. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable, either physically or emotionally. Everyone likes to feel needed.”


In a way, I do think that way at times. Sure sometimes I whine about wanting someone in life but deep inside I know my life is better without worrying about whether that someone genuinely likes you or is it just really the sex that seals the deal. Sacrifices? I think I have done enough to feel as if everything I have done was never appreciated. Sacrifices my ass. Vulnerability would only show that I am weak and I would not serve any purpose whatsoever. I don't think a man ever need anyone, so why should I be needing them around.

Some people thought that I am just being choosy and ‘mengada – ngada’ when they read my last post.

They said, heck, ‘kau jugak yang kata kau nak kahwin kan? Bila ada orang nak, ko tolak. Hapa – hapa ntah. Diorang kan kaya. You are made for life.’

I always tell people that maybe I would just marry an old millionaire so that I would be taken care of for life. But do people actually believe that I would be doing that? HELL NO. So to think that I would just marry anyone who has money is a HELL NO thing to think.

But still, to say that I am a FemBot, is an overstatement, to say I am not, is an understatement. Maybe I am just stuck in limbo, probably you can just say that I am somewhat FemBot-ish.

I have told my Mum once that I would rather be alone than unhappy, which happened to be a line from that Whitney Houston’s song ‘It’s not right, but it’s Ok’, you know those days when Whitney still have a bit of meat on her and when she was not known as Mamasan Whitney?

At the rate men are constantly proving to me that I am right and the way they managed to show me that they are nothing but lying fucks with a really bad joke, Akak can vomit blood la bai!

So... bak kata auntie Whitney; It’s not ‘rait’... but it’s Ok-la jugak.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Very Emotional Post, You have been warned!

For the past years, I have been bogged by a particular person.

I have known this person for what seems like a lifetime, I don’t think it is appropriate to reveal his identity, so let’s just call him C and be vague about everything.

When you have been hoping for you to be with someone on almost every day of the week and then was reminded that there is no way in hell and back that you could indeed be with this person, you know you got it bad.

The thing is, I had, to the extent of wanting to have his baby. I could imagine myself being with him, for real… and this is me, myself and I that I am talking about here. What a ridiculous notion coming from someone who is just every bit of a bitter cow about settling down.

He was an ex, granted, and I kept in touch with him even though I know someday he will find someone and that will hurt me, tremendously. I will eventually disappear with a broken ego and could just accept anyone’s proposal so that I won’t be thinking about him.

Anyone know that no one really forget that one great so called ‘love’ in your life. Trey is getting engaged. FINE… and C will eventually dump me for someone who could be not as good as me or vice versa. FINE! I should move on and live my life.

The thing is, I have always done things in order for me to forget his existence. Everything was centered around what I can do in order for me to NOT think about him. It sucks, but there you go!

I can’t possibly say to C that yeah… I screwed up, but after we broke up, I realized how I could have done better and I just want to be a part of your life now. I want to have your babies, I want to be with you, I want to go through everything with you. But yeah… I tripped the last time and it was entirely my fault, my ego to be more specific.

And oh yeah, I moved to KL partly because I want to be away from you.

Oy vey… shoot me already.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Why you should always reconfirm on the address when you go for a vacation

I woke up from my slumber (slept around 12 PM) just in time for a Malay movie called ‘Congkak’.

It was a horror movie supposedly. Well... actually, before that my Aunt was asking me to check when was the next screening, so I did her a favor to search for it (in vain... stupid Astro!). I didn’t think much about it and I fell asleep in front of the TV. So when I woke up, it was just in time for the movie.

My aunt was in another room sleeping (It is a favorite pastime la kan) so I woke her up.

The movie reminded me of a horror movie set in the 90’s called Misteri Rumah Tua, starring Noor Kumalasari. Yes I am old enough to remember. It started with a family of four setting off for a vacationto a remote kampung area.

By the way, it stars Nanu Baharudin (Question; who the heck is Nana Nurgaya?), which is one of my favorite actress. Why? Because of the movie Cinta. Heck... the woman can act. I cried my eyes out during that movie!

Anyway, my verdict? Welll... I am not impressed with the story line. As a matter of fact, I thought it was rather dense. As usual, the wife noticed something was wrong with the house from the start. The husband, being a ‘husband’ was totally oblivious when the wife said;

“Bang... Sue dengar bunyi orang main congkak!”

Well... maybe not exactly like that but rather something to that affect. Heh.

Actually, the husband remained oblivious through these 'happenings';

- The youngest kid was screaming because she saw an old lady waving to her in the middle of the night through her window.
- The youngest kid was playing with an ‘ invinsible friend’ at the front yard.

It wasn't until his eldest got posessed by a ‘bunian’, who then was pulled underneath a bed, his wife floating in mid air and the youngest kid went missing did he FINALLY realize he was in pretty deep shit.

As though it wasn't clear enough, the story had something to do with a ‘congkak’ which, if you are totally uinitiated, is a traditional game for kids.

Like other horror movies, there will always be villagers scuttling away from the downtowners when they were told that they were living in ‘that’ house. Nobody seemed to want to be neighbourly enough to tell the clueless people that there is something in the house. There was also a misunderstood rubbertapper who later on in the movie morph (rather... transform *Transformers sound in the background) to a ‘Bomoh’.

However there was a plus point in the movie.

In the beginning of the movie, the family stopped and asked a lady at a bus stop for directions. Later on, the lady’s face was framed in the neighbourhood grocer and was told by the shopkeeper that it was her mother and that she died almost 2 years ago.

What was priceless however was how the movie concluded.

It happened that the vacation house was located in another location, and that the family went and stayed at a wrong house all the time.

Sia – sia pergi cuti dekat rumah salah. Ada hantu la pulak! Hhahahaha.... Kesian!

Monday, August 4, 2008

A Happening weekend la Ya'll!

We have been working too hard for the past 4 months.

So... heck... we definitely deserve the weekend.

Cakap banyak pun tarak guna... so see - la the pictures yourself!