Saturday, December 27, 2014

On being brave

I was told that I did a pretty brave thing of leaving a job that made me miserable. 

I am also considered brave to be 'open' about what I think in social media. My thoughts on religion and the likes can be, almost blasphemous. 

However, because I am Malaysian, of both Malay and Chinese heritage, I understand the meaning of tolerance deeper than most.

I am also brave on wearing yoga leggings and sports bra for yoga selfies. 

Well, consider this, if my body had not changed over the years, I don't think I would be brave to do this now. 

Even now, I still have issues with my body. At 35, I am slowly defeated by gravity. 

And at 35, I still do wonder what the hell is it that I am actually good at. Most of the things I did, had been more of a 'throw me in and see if I come out in one piece' kind of thing. 

The free time that I am reluctantly having, gave me a lot of time to think. 

The conclusion is this, I am pretty good at insisting on doing what makes me happy. 

Considering that so many people are defeated by the needs that they abandon their happiness, that is a skill on its own. 

I will (hopefully) be blogging come new year's (haven't you heard, blogging is kind of... Dead). Until then, keep afloat and someday you will fly. 


Thursday, December 4, 2014

How'd you like me now?

That was the question I asked N the last time he was here. It had been a week after the last day of my job. I have been off the schedule and was feeling... for the first time in a long time, free.

Sure, I will have to go back to working soon, but, I am just glad that I am no longer with the company I am with anymore.

I don't know what was it about the job, something was off. I can't put my finger on what. I have been analyzing it. Perhaps it was the owner, perhaps it was my scorecard, perhaps I was not made to depend on another team run by other people but myself.

Perhaps I am just not good enough.

N told me that there will be times when the job just will not suit a person. When that happens, there will just be a couple of things one can do. Stay or leave.

"And when you leave, it is either you want to take a break, and then find a job, or you want to start another job right away. Don't over complicate how you see things. It will drive you crazy if you do."

I was able to do a lot of things since I quit my job. Even though I have to think twice about buying anything now, I feel happier than before.

So what does that mean?

Somehow I made the right decision.

I am taking on several proof reading projects for now, also seeking working from home part time positions from some people I know around.

I won't keep on being in between jobs, that's for sure, and to be honest, I don't know what's in the stars for me after this.

But the only way to go is up, no?