Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday note

In a way, I am positive.

About things.

For one, I am positive that if I am not meeting anyone in this lifetime, then something else will definitely happen to me. Something else will be a substitute to that search of a lifetime for a soulmate (Although I personally do not believe in that concept).

There will be something else.

Besides, I am not conventional enough for the whole husband, baby and married life concept.

But people say never say never because you might just to stick your mouth up your ass if that really does happen.

On another note, congratulations to Celeblogger Ninie Ahmad! She is now pregnant with her first child and I wish her nothing but all the world's happiness.



I bruise like a peach in my adulthood.

When I was a kid, I love playing in the sand, catching tadpoles in the then very clean drains (Parit) near my grandparent's house, climbing trees and 'drifting' on my red BMX.

I did not bruise like a frikkin' peach back then (Duh).

So it is strange when I can't as much as scratch myself now because if I do, I will be having 'hickies' that never happened on my neck.
(Just for the record, I don't understand hickies and why is it enjoyable???)

So I bumped my index finger at the side of a very heavy door last weekend.

The bruise is still there and it's still painful.

I bruise like a peach and it takes twice as long for anything to heal for me now. See all of this is really new to me because I am someone who does not really think of myself as someone who is subjected to all of this.

I am pretty healthy for someone who is going to be in her mid 30's. I am healthier than some of my staff who are in their 20's right now, that's for sure, despite the abnormal sleeping pattern and caffeine intake.

The last time I went to the doctor, I was told that I just need to rest, there's nothing wrong with me but a bit of flu.

I was also diagnosed with a minor case of eczema, which strangely affected only my left ear.

The Scotsman always offered to apply cream on it although I am terrified when he even tried to check it out.

Actually, I am terrified when anyone tried to touch my ear.

A staff asked me for a quick remedy to diarrhea and all I can say was :

"Oh... I don't know, never had one before."

Which made me think that, boy... I am weirdly healthy.

However, I think, it is all in my head, really. If you have a healthy outlook on life (Granted that my self loathing persona is not really that.... healthy), your body will follow what your mind says.

Mind over matter logic. The brain is an extraordinary organ. It can make you feel or think things that you really are not... personifying. Get?

Anyway... Happy weekends everyone. I am going to kick back with a Neil Gaiman book, sipping iced cappuccino at my favorite cafe and check out white men with Asian chicks with very badly dyed blonde highlights. Probably chilling with The Scotsman by the pool after.

Hope your weekend is going to be as spankingly relaxed as mine would be!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Appreciation dinner and all the other things that's...

... in my head now.

First of all, there was the appreciation dinner last Saturday. I know.. late.. Doh.

The theme was 'Around The World'.

So... I was totally FML-ed when the only table my team was able to get was named after this country :

Reaction to it... not very positive.

I have a sneaky feeling that it was the reason why only one of us got lucky (as in lucky draw) that night. Damn IT.

Kiasu-ism... fail.

I am a Johorean, so my enmity is related to the fact that we are just genetically inclined to not ... prefer that island.

It was a night I was supposed to introduce Scotsman to my ex and current bosses. However, because I was yawning and one of the peeps had a curfew until 2 (Don't ask), I decided to cancel it.

They wanted to go to a pub in PJ, so I just couldn't be assed to drive back and forth.

In case you are wondering, although I am putting up a barrier with The Scotsman, we can't deny that we only had each other for the past few years personal life wise (YES YES.... I also have you guys --- my besties... Drama...). Him being away from home, and me enjoying mature + fun company.

Anyway, earlier today, I took a trivia from this book :

... and gave it to my team promising to reward the first person who came forth with the right answer, a tub of Baskin Robbins, which was later changed to Vieniatta (or whatever) because the guy said he has never had Baskin Robbins before.

Who said I am a dull manager? I do fun things.... :D

Monday, June 25, 2012

Fire head

I do have a temper.

I know what you are thinking. I am into Yoga right, I 'can't' have a temper. That's....

.... counter productive.

Haha Yeah FML.

I don't lash out. That's not cool. --> Ahaha.. yeah.

I start to attack, with sarcasm. I can be so blunt that I can make people cry.

That's one of the reasons I hate talking to call center representatives. They would usually get me riled up to a point of no return.

I try to not use the F word on phone calls, but Malaysian customer service seemed to call for it to have something done.

I prefer to hang up when things get a bit too dumb and frustrating. I don't want to subject the unknowing and in need of more training Malaysian representative to my sarcasm.

I am maybe... 2 levels away from being the caller from hell.

It is ironic that I manage a call center. And I try my best to maintain the level of professionalism and knowledge in the center by always making sure that my reps know what to say and how to say it.

I do acknowledge that there are things that can't be avoided in terms of process. The thing about the call center I run is, because it is tagged after one of the fortune 500 companies, the service has to live up to that expectation.

This is also because we run a global operation and that we are going head to head with our onshore counterparts, we can't get lazy and be Malaysian.

You do realize that when you take away the 'Y' in MalaYsian, it becomes - Malas-ians.

'Malas' in Malay, means lazy.

It is typical and we have accepted the fact that Malaysian customer service are :

1) Unprofessional

2) Lacklustre

3) Robotic

4) Lacking in common analytical skills

I run the call center and so is very involved in terms of info and knowledge dissemination and also quality maintenance.

It is not easy, but somebody has to do it.

Aside from serving Malaysians, we serve the whole world.

So how do I do it? How do I contain my temper/sarcasm?

I would usually see things as it is, it usually works from that perspective you know.

I have more to say, but I think it's time for me to fix my circadian rhythm, and  I am starting by....

Going off for the day.


Sunday, June 24, 2012


One of the reasons The Scotsman and I get along so well together is because both of us have strong views.

Strong views, both of us can make jokes out of and it's okay. We are both nationalists and both of us acknowledges that everyone is judgmental in their own little way, more so when they are actually saying they are not.

In Yoga, good thoughts harness great practice. Somehow I feel as if all this crap about not judging is just that. Crap.

We can't say that we don't judge, because the moment we say that we don't, it means we do because we are judging ourselves, and hence... judgmental.

So I can't, for the life of me, think good thoughts about people who tried so hard to not be something, but it is easy for them, to me, to be the thing that they say they aren't.

So I am judgmental, I am someone who believes in kindness that doesn't scream pretentious. Being honest to yourself is a kindness. Recognize that you are no messenger of God to be perfectly non-judgmental.

We are human...

And as a human... I think one of the best joy in life, is briyani.... and I can't help but to do this when I found a star anise, with a stem in my briyani rice.

Happy Monday!!!

Friday, June 22, 2012


For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to go back to my pre-Scotsman days.

Of being on my own and not looking forward to anything but a cup of coffee.

I realized, from my of stream thoughts, that this has to stop.

You know how you always have that small gut feeling that tells you that all the things you were suspecting to be true, was true. That little feeling at the back of your throat, that makes you want to throw up.

Yeah... 'that'.

That we are only in a 'thing' because it's convenient. A one sided open relationship.

That one sided thing always happens to me, obviously. He made it clear that he is over the hill.

I made it clear that I just don't care.

I just want to love someone, whether that person loves me back, is not an issue. I can give myself love. I have money, and if noone can give me what I want, I will buy what I want.

My shoes always fit, my clothes always make me feel good, and coffee always managed to make my day.

Picking up the pieces again. And shutting down myself to others. I have a feeling, I won't come out of it for a very long time.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Still on Yoga....

I dreamt that I was able to do this... in perfect form!

Pic Courtesy of

Yes... I sometimes dream of Yoga.

Chaturanga, that's another one that I have not quite nailed yet.

After 5 years? Well.. after an on and off practice of 5 years, yes, I have not been able to do these poses yet.

I have huge thunder thighs, and stubborn limbs, which are only good for back bends but I am crap at all the others.

So earlier I received this from a friend :

Yoga is all about natural emulation.

See what I mean?

It's little things like these that makes my day nowadays. We can't live life if we are not able to appreciate the small stuff.

Live LIFE!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Now... there's a reason why I don't take pictures of me doing the chakra pose and post it in social networks or here....

I am no Ninie Ahmad. I love yoga but I do know that I pretty much still suck at it.

I still stumble at headstands... although.. my shoulder stand is pretty standard... not perfect, but hey... it looks like a shoulder stand.

And my forward folds... ooh... only behind closed doors.

My lotus, well ... it's more of a lily pad now.

Still have extra flabs to elimknate. Still want to be in peace my self. Still learning to love self and not criticize self too much.

Still learning how to live without being told how.

Maybe one day I will post my yoga moves here... when that day comes... I might be 50% in peace with myself.

Ommm... and moving on dudes.

posted from Bloggeroid

Friday, June 8, 2012

The little things in life...


I used to be... impatient. I wanted to get somewhere and it's always in a hurry.

Now that I am in a comfortable position, I found out that it's the little things in life that I look forward to.

Like my daily coffee dose, my quiet time with my MP3, my conversation with my cats, my weekend meeting with The Partner, and my time on my (yoga) mat.

I don't live for the future, I try to not dwell on the past, and just strive to live in the present.

Come what may... even the littlest ones. I learn to breathe more.

posted from Bloggeroid

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Do you want baby?

In all seriousness, having a kid had never been in my agenda.

I am 33, again in all seriousness.

I love playing with my cousins' kids. I adore my nephew, I love fooling around with my best friend's kid too.

But do I want to have kids?

I.... don't know.

Maybe as a woman, I might want to. But as a person, I have my reservations.

I have seen how people change just by being in a relationship. Now... having a kid... is... I guess...

Life changing would be an understatement... no?

I still don't know why people want to have children. You 'grow' them... and then what?

The motive of having kids are different, I got to know.

Westerners have kids because... they just do. Asians breed because they want the kids to live in guilt and never ending gratitude that they were bred. Africans reproduce because... well they can't get condoms.

So... you changed for the sake of a change in your marital status and you changed some more when you have kids... so what happen to 'you' then?

Crude much?

posted from Bloggeroid

1st world issues

1) when you try to tap / swipe on a normal screened cell phone.
2) when you tap on a notebook's screen.
3) when the prospect of not having wifi sends chills down your spine.
4) when you think your partner does not love you because they don't install an adroid app you are using
5) when you lie awake all night thinking if you did shut down your laptop properly in the office.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A lighter, gushing entry...



I am obsessed!

Although I do believe that photograpy is not something you should be 'shortcut-ting' on, It is hard to ignore the fact that the android app is just sooo ...


I know that photography is a passion that should not be aided by any application. But in the end, I swallowed my painful smart assness and surrendered to this!

Sure, there are tricks in the DSLR book to teach you on how to achieve this look using the rules of exposures and shutter speeds and stuff.

I did this in less than 2 minutes. And I like it!

Well anyway... I was told that my last entry was sort of ... morbid. So I decided to pen a lighter, more candid entry on the simple things in life.

Like android applications... and the joy it brings.

Cheers! It's a midweek people!

Thoughts on a hot day

Something occurred to me while I was driving.

That... life is short... very short (and believe me the android keypad misspelt the word short to 'shit'...)

*pause to digest self error*

So... what have you done really in this very... short life span.

I have successfully lived my life... making a fool of myself 75% of the time. Learned from pure trials and errors, and realized that any different decision making would have meant that my life would have been totally different.

Or that I might even be dead.

What was it that pushes us forward, even in the darkest place in our life... what made us stop and ... I guess recalibrate our steps?

I can only say 1 thing...

It's fear.

We have a fear of dying. Not just the whole dramatic act of dying... or the pain that preceeds it, it's just the fear that we will no longer be a part of the living.

The possibility of us entering the after life, of submitting ourselves to the whole probability of hell... or heaven.... or reincarnation (if you believe that kind of thing.)

Or even of becoming a speck.

It's the fear of not able to be a part of anyone else's lives.

That's what pushes us to LIVE.

And of course you can say love... but then again... the L word is just too overrated.

This is just of course... ladies and gents... a useless trail of thoughts on a hot day.

I am only but a fool... who tries incessantly to make a difference.

So... life is short... it's fueled by fear.... and we should shove fear up our asses and just .... live.... the best we know how.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday, June 3, 2012


No... I am not about to blog about the wonders of the world.

I am now maybe half pissed from the three beers I had been consuming, happily of course (totally aware of the repercussion of such action) thinking that life is pretty much half lived as if this moment.

Insta-fucking-gram is not working.


posted from Bloggeroid