Thursday, October 27, 2011

And I think... I should...STOP...

1) Being Dismissive

I tend to just assume (Yes, yes I know what people said about ASS U ME -ing) that everything is going to not work out for me. Oddly, I think the sky's the limit when it comes to my career, but personal life wise, I suck. I have been so dismissive that I will just say that men just see me as a plaything, a whatever. There will never be that moment that a man would actually adore me for being who I am.

2) Selling myself short

Again, this has everything to do with my personal life. I am as gung-ho as Jackie Chan in a kungfu flick when it comes to my career but I am a cracker when it comes to dating and men. I can never say that I am good enough for anyone.

3) Dating

Why keep on doing something if it's not working right? I don't need more people in my blackbook, I need to get someone to make me give my blackbook away. If dating is not going to yield the results that I want, then I might as well, STOP doing it.

4) Eating unhealthy stuff

I grew up thinking McDonald's is one of the free world's greatest creation, that A&W was a Godsend and KFC as the hail Maries of all things deep fried and greasy.

When I hit 28, at 75 Kilos, I decided that I was living in denial. I was fat, I was unhealthy and I was in a phase where I just couldn't take it anymore.

Now, I am a healthy 60 kilos and eat only what I need (I DO EAT!). My body rejects all the junk I consume in an albeit, violent, projectile way (NO I AM NOT Bulimic).

5) Shopping

I think having more than 50 dresses is a sign that I should stop. And the fact that I only use one shade of lipstick (Correction--- 1 lipstick) among my umm... more than 5 ( I am in denial here) Benefit's, Bobbi Browns, Macs, Cliniques and Clarins is just another of God's way saying, 'I gave thee 1 pair of lips! Unless you want to color the other 'lips' as well.'

Maybe I will do up another entry on things that I should START.... soon.

Monday, October 24, 2011

We can either be like Monica.. or like Rosmah... choose your side.

Aging gracefully...

So what does that mean really?

At 32, the word 'aging' now has a specific definition. Despite what The Scotsman told me that I look 27, I still think it is TIME for me to start sourcing out anti - ageing products.

I would like to look like this when I am in mid 40's :

And hopefully like this when I am in my 50's :

I already have the hair, now I will just have to take care of my diet, Yoga and exercise to be looking like her and not ... ehem ...

Like.... the self proclaimed 'First Lady of Malaysia' :

At 59, she looks like she is in her mid 60's, I guess she was hoping her jet black hair could make her look 2 months younger.

Secrets to graceful ageing does not lie in botox or vitamin C shots. 

It lies in your diet, your exercise regime, and whether or not you will allow yourself to breathe once in a while. 

I have the diet and exercise part figured out, I will just have to learn how to breathe, to cut myself some slack. 

Trying to figure out how to do a headstand might help. I need assistance.

Friday, October 21, 2011



How do you differentiate between stupidity and laziness?

And plus, how do you deal with people who complaint about every single FUCKING thing, but at the same time, is not doing anything about it?

I am still trying to not be judgmental, really, I have been trying so MUCH. But sometimes, you just break, relapse, and all of the sudden you get to this level where all you want to do is to judge.

I personally think Life works in funny ways, that it's almost ironic and c r u e l.

It is c r u e l to find out how idiotic couples can reproduce by the dozens but those who want kids and whose kids would totally contribute to mankind, can't.

I mean, what gives? I thought it was supposed to be the survival of the fittest and all the stupids should just be wiped out from humanity? No? D A M N I T!

If this is Life's way of showing us humility and 'kindness', then shouldn't there be no wars also? Or is Life trying to balance it out with the survival of the bodohs (Stupids, literally translated...)

I am not in any way trying to say that I am smart. I suck with numbers. I didn't get algebraic equations until I was 18 and the only physical feat I can do is to bend my index finger to touch my wrist.

And as you can see, I am not eloquent either, I see myself as the average, the in betweeners.

But, I have common sense. I don't get to where I am right now by sleeping with my bosses, which I am sure some of us, men or women, do to just get ahead.

I am not pretty, so I would have to depend on my brains, my non - existent patience and my seriously decreasing sincerity.

Yes, now... I judge... I  don't like it... but an in betweener needs to rant... So... humor me.

So... really ... now.... what do we do with those who has NO common sense?

Like how an Asian (I digress on the nationality) restaurant manager called my friend that he is a racist just because he wanted to change the sides for his $60+ steak???

Like how a chef stormed out in anger to a paying customer of his empty restaurant to tell off  someone who would only want extra cheese on his pizza?

Like how a friend who told me to fuck off, and then tried to be back in my good books through Yahoo Messenger ???? (Boy I hope she will never reproduce... pity the person who is going to be friends with her kids! I will try to make sure it is NOT mine)

I mean... seriously ... WHAT GIVES????


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Your 20's are to make mistakes, Your 30's are to learn your lessons, your 40's are to pay the drinks."

I am not a fan of Sex and the City series.

The only reason why I watched the two movies were because of the clothes. Tell me any hot blooded woman who can turn a blind eye to that gorgeous Vivienne Westwood's wedding dress or the gorgeous, gorgeous heels!

Although one has to admit that the concept of the series and the movies are far fetched, but I am attracted to the strong and independent women message that's relayed. Being single and independent for most of my life, of course minus the designer labels, I can relate to some of the concerns brought up in the movie.

Let's all just hope that in reality, we can just be as honest to ourselves as Samantha who ended a relationship with a man who loves her because she is in love with herself more , as forgiving as Miranda who was willing to look pass her husband's infidelity, as strong as Carrie who picked up her life after being jilted at the altar and as supportive as Charlotte who was behind her friends every step of the way, through thick and thin.

See, there's always something to learn, even if it's from a cliched chick flick.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

When we pass, memories of us are preserved in the minds of those who know us...

I was interviewing a candidate when the text came in.

Usually, I wouldn't check my phone, but I did this time.

I was informed by one of my friends in JB of the passing of a friend I have known for years.

The text was timed at 21:38. She passed at 21:30.

I first met her when I was working in JB as a Customer service assistant, which I later went up to work in the A&P department. She was the marketing executive in the company.

She was fun as a friend and totally reliable as a colleague. Everytime I went back to visit Kak Neesa, she would always spare time to hang out with me at the reception.

I found out that she was suffering from skin cancer earlier this year. It came as a shock to me. She was a very cautious person, taking all kinds of supplements to stay healthy. She was in and out of chemo for the rest of this year and I have always hoped that she will come out of it.

She was also the one person who entertains my crazy 'Cafe World' requests constantly.

Until she stopped recently. I thought she was busy.

I went to her FB page just now and saw that there was an entry by her, 7 hours before her passing.

The last wall entry was by her cousin, who wrote; "Wish you are happy in heaven, my lovely cousin." both in English and Chinese.

I was overwhelmed by this, odd feeling. Sad, morbid.

I wondered how would people remember me when it is my time to go for good.

Sunday, October 9, 2011


Note : Yes I am on a writing roll.

As usual, I tend to browse my FB friends' status posts.

And today it hits me!

I think there are certain specifications that a white man looks for when looking for an Asian bride.

One of them must have been--- inability to write/speak in English.

Maybe it must have just been fucking endearing... or.. errr.. 'cute' to share your life with someone who can't really speak your language.

I could be wrong and I am no one to actually say why white men marry the women they are with right now.

Guess right now, I am just mad at finding out that one of my expat friends found out that his incompetent and pretentious Asian wife cheated on him with another white guy. The fake blonde was caught red handed by the  soon to be ex-husband in a hotel room with the guy.

To add on to the humiliation, they were caught in a sleazy 3 star hotel downtown.

I mean, what the hell... what the fucking hell!

When I first met her, I was wondering what attracted the exceptionally kind man to a woman who decided to dye her black hair to platinum blonde and speaks like a moron on wheels.

But, I gave it the benefit of the doubt, like always. I also know some exceptionally bright women who married  expats. Sometimes, you just can't choose who you fall in love with, even if it is with a fake lashes wearing hooch/ a 50 year old white man.

When life throws you lemons, all you can do is to make lemonade. We will just have to hang on to our pants hoping that the lemons are good, not rotten ones.

I am not trying to stereotype women here. For all you know, I am stereotyped for dating white men (well, not much of a choice, considering the only men who approached me had been white. I am too fugly for the locals to notice). It's just that I have difficulties with anyone who cheats.

I caught one of my ex in bed with someone else. I know how it feels.

It's that betrayal by someone you are ready to give your heart and soul to, that anger you chose to vent on your ex's car/Armani suits/Ferragamo shoes/ Swarovski vase.

That realization that you were cheated. The discovery that you are not good enough compared to the slutty bitch he was in bed with.

Get the drift about the anger now?

So no, it's not that I am trying to stereotype women who are married to expats. Guess right now, I am trying to write down my thoughts on cheating, on betrayal and on moving on.

Joshua... Move the fuck on. Never look back to that platinum haired whore. Move on.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

This week

1) News of the year...

Among others, Steve Jobs passed away. I am never quite the Apple user and the only Apple product I have is an 8GB I-Pod Nano which I won during last year's company annual dinner.

But without a doubt, he made Apple the household name that it is today. Now everyone own an I-Pad and it is so user friendly that everyone from Grandparents to 3 year olds can figure out how to operate it.

A true visionary. RIP.

2) The world doesn't revolve around anyone...

Though individually, it does. Everyone thinks that the world is in existence only for them, that every little mishaps or undoing is because the world doesn't agree to them.

Seriously, out of 6.97 billion people on earth, and possibly another 6 billion in another planet / universe, you think that your plight is the only one that matters?

Plus, it is not actually fate that determines what you are going to be, but really, it is yourself. don't like something? Do something about it.

For an example :

I decided to go out and 'put myself out there', instead of whining about my being single. I am still single but at least... I am trying.

And if I am still single, I know that I have tried and I truly am meant only for myself.

At least, I have my job to fall back to.

3) Paid Time Off

Or so I thought.

I was supposed to be off on Wednesday. And then I had to be in because I have to take care of something. I wanted to so called be in for half day, but turned out I was in the office until 6.30 am.

And then I changed my leave to Thursday and Friday. But again, I came in on Thursday, went back at 4 am. and came in from 4 pm - 7 pm on Friday.

The good thing about being in my position is that I can apply for leave at the last minute and it can be approved. The bad thing about that would be, I can also come back to work anytime I want to.

I am still waiting for that day I would say to myself 'Screw this', put in my resignation and take off. Huh... I wish but I know I sooo can't do that.

Happy Sunday everyone, we have less than 24 hours now to do weekend stuff.

God Bless!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Emotional Cutter

I have seen a lot of stuff I should not be seeing in the course of whole lifetime.

- Porn : It makes me feel dirty and disgusting and oh so unbecoming of a 'lady' (Sic). BUT... I love that the world seems to be revolving around sex like... ALL the time. Pizza boy comes to deliver that pepperoni extra mushroom extra cheese pizza -- fuck, Plumber fixing the pipes in the kitchen -- fuck, Policewomen detain criminals-- oh hell why not ... fuck. I mean... the world seems so peaceful because pizzas and plumbing jobs can be paid with a fuck and the policewomen are able to 'turn' a criminal to a good guy after a good threesome. And... when does a Pizza Boy ever looks so fuckalicious in real life? Those bums, shoulders???? Maybe the tacky tongue ring and ink on the pubic area should just go.

- Someone else's pubic hair : I was 17. I was in a boarding school. I was lying down on my back on my friends' double decker bed, and lo and behold... I saw it. Curly untrimmed pube hair gawking at me in all directions. The girl was wearing a 'sarong' and was sitting on the bed, with her legs apart. If there is one useful thing my Grandma told me is that: "If you are not able to sit properly wearing a sarong, then don't wear them.". It traumatized me to this day.

- That 'brown mark' on someone's panties : Again, I was 17, and was in a boarding school. We had a communal shower and toilet, and someone just decided to forget their panties that were hung on the back of the shower door. The moment I saw it, I was zombified, for the whole week. I became an 'undie-phobe'. For someone who was into skateboarding and was in a bootcamp for a week... that was just soooo out of character.

There are many more things that I have seen... mostly... Gross ones. Also disturbing ones, like a battered wife/girlfriend, hypocritical religious shit heads (Let's just NOT go there.), and arrogant egotistical husbands/boyfriends.

But I think I should let it all go because :


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Come what May

Come what May...

Last quarter of the year. May the last bits of 2011 promises a brand new 2012.

May I survive the year...

Oh and of course, God, It will be GREAT if I can fall in love too. I haven't done that in a long fucking time.

You know, renew my faith and stuff like that. Make me human again. One that's not cynical and sarcastic all the fucking damn time.