Friday, August 16, 2013

Me, Myself and Yoga

My nephew would do the Vrksasana everytime any one of my family members mention my name.

He associates me with my practice, and is not the only one.

I am the only one in the family who practices yoga. I am also the 'only one' in a lot of other things.

Like ... I am the only one who...

- Has a different view on religion, as in.. irreligiously different view.
- Lives life somewhat precariously.
- Loves bikinis and the sun, and does not want fair skin.


My practice brings me to that special place, where.. I can be anyone. A place where I can fuck it all and just be... whatever I want to be.

Of course, most of the times I would be struggling on my mat, even to perfect my hanumasana, or my chaturanga. But, there is that weird.. feeling of twisted, achievement and satisfaction of being able to ... inflict self torture on myself in a yoga class.

I know. Twisted.

Gluttony for punishment, sucker for pain.

Self inflicted ones.


I guess... being twisted yogically is .. ok?

With Love, Namaste.


Monday, August 12, 2013

Eid 2013

I honestly have mixed feelings about this year's festive season.

Last year, I kind of celebrated Eid with that assurance that when I go back to KL, I can snuggle back to Tom. There was also a part of me that wondered if I ever would be alive to go back to Tom.

Yes. I was morbid. Everytime I go on a trip, I would be thinking to myself what if I met in an accident on the way to or from the destination.

I guess, this, reminds me that I am human. I can preach about how one should not fear death as much as fearing how you are going to die, but, it would be difficult to practice it.

There are things that never changes of course. The drama before Eid, the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking, the entertaining. For the whole week, I was not able to sleep properly. My circadian rhythm did not sit well with regular hours. I will be awake until 5.30 am and then dozed off to sleep.

I am blessed, but I remembered myself talking to myself telling myself that I am tired, and it would be great if I can just... get a break. In life, at least. I am no longer crying myself to sleep, which is good. I am a lot more positive than I give myself credit for.

I am trying.

Well, Happy Eid'lfitri to everyone who is celebrating. Eat responsibly. I am on a 2 weeks liquid detox now. I need my strength and my weight back. ;)

With Love, Namaste.


Friday, August 2, 2013


Warning : This post may be sensitive to some folks.


I read a news report of how a popular yoga apparel brand shuns plus sized women as one of its' business strategies.

An insider revealed that the larger sizes were placed at the back, as opposed to those whose sizes are 10 and below.

Women are shouting foul because of the company's size-ist attitude towards the plus sized women population.

I have mixed feelings about this.

This is my take on it :

Every company has an image and their own target demographics to cater to. It is an unfortunate reality that certain styles in the yoga world, can't really... flatter bigger sizes.

I was a plus size before, I know how frustrating it was when it comes to shopping for clothes. But, I know where to shop at. I doubt that I would be looking at or wearing any of the things that I am wearing right now back then.

I don't think the yoga pants and tops that I am wearing right now would flatter me, or the manufacturer much 5 years ago.

I have issues with fittings too when it comes to clothes. I have small breasts, and I have a shapely XS-S/sz 2-4 type top half of body. However, being a pear shape, I am an M or a size 6 for the bottom half.

Am I crying foul for the lack of attention to my size? NO. I will just learn to live with it. Find any other brands that work for me.

Really, imagine the pudgier me, going out in this :

I have nothing against plus sized women. When I was one, I took another way to resolve my body image. If there are plus sized women who came over to me saying that they love their body as it is, all the power to you. As for me, as much as I loved my body then, I love the fact that I am able to fit in better in clothes now.

I think, most people should try to see it from a bigger perspective. If we can make something as small as this as an issue, can you imagine how we would perceive bigger issues?

Well, these are my thoughts, and I am in no way trying to defend any corporation or brands out there. I honestly believe, how your ass looks, is not because of the pants, it's because of your body, and how you decide it should look like.

With Love, Namaste,