I honestly have mixed feelings about this year's festive season.
Last year, I kind of celebrated Eid with that assurance that when I go back to KL, I can snuggle back to Tom. There was also a part of me that wondered if I ever would be alive to go back to Tom.
Yes. I was morbid. Everytime I go on a trip, I would be thinking to myself what if I met in an accident on the way to or from the destination.
I guess, this, reminds me that I am human. I can preach about how one should not fear death as much as fearing how you are going to die, but, it would be difficult to practice it.
There are things that never changes of course. The drama before Eid, the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking, the entertaining. For the whole week, I was not able to sleep properly. My circadian rhythm did not sit well with regular hours. I will be awake until 5.30 am and then dozed off to sleep.
I am blessed, but I remembered myself talking to myself telling myself that I am tired, and it would be great if I can just... get a break. In life, at least. I am no longer crying myself to sleep, which is good. I am a lot more positive than I give myself credit for.
I am trying.
Well, Happy Eid'lfitri to everyone who is celebrating. Eat responsibly. I am on a 2 weeks liquid detox now. I need my strength and my weight back. ;)
With Love, Namaste.
Ayu
Last year, I kind of celebrated Eid with that assurance that when I go back to KL, I can snuggle back to Tom. There was also a part of me that wondered if I ever would be alive to go back to Tom.
Yes. I was morbid. Everytime I go on a trip, I would be thinking to myself what if I met in an accident on the way to or from the destination.
I guess, this, reminds me that I am human. I can preach about how one should not fear death as much as fearing how you are going to die, but, it would be difficult to practice it.
There are things that never changes of course. The drama before Eid, the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking, the entertaining. For the whole week, I was not able to sleep properly. My circadian rhythm did not sit well with regular hours. I will be awake until 5.30 am and then dozed off to sleep.
I am blessed, but I remembered myself talking to myself telling myself that I am tired, and it would be great if I can just... get a break. In life, at least. I am no longer crying myself to sleep, which is good. I am a lot more positive than I give myself credit for.
I am trying.
Well, Happy Eid'lfitri to everyone who is celebrating. Eat responsibly. I am on a 2 weeks liquid detox now. I need my strength and my weight back. ;)
Ayu
Be well.
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