Feeling

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to go back to my pre-Scotsman days.

Of being on my own and not looking forward to anything but a cup of coffee.

I realized, from my of stream thoughts, that this has to stop.

You know how you always have that small gut feeling that tells you that all the things you were suspecting to be true, was true. That little feeling at the back of your throat, that makes you want to throw up.

Yeah... 'that'.

That we are only in a 'thing' because it's convenient. A one sided open relationship.

That one sided thing always happens to me, obviously. He made it clear that he is over the hill.

I made it clear that I just don't care.

I just want to love someone, whether that person loves me back, is not an issue. I can give myself love. I have money, and if noone can give me what I want, I will buy what I want.

My shoes always fit, my clothes always make me feel good, and coffee always managed to make my day.

Picking up the pieces again. And shutting down myself to others. I have a feeling, I won't come out of it for a very long time.