Heroes and Icebox

I am sitting in front of my laptop, braless, in my black boyshorts (AKA underwear), with my hair in a bun and my face bare.

The greatest feeling in the world is to be your sexy sweet self and not having hang ups over crowfeet or any zit marks on your face. To smell of body gel and lotion and to have a pair of woolly socks with cartoon prints on your feet.

This is me about 30 minutes after I filled in on my Heroes shot for the night. One hour full of awe and exclamation to my Mother (Yes, my Mother) of how cool like ‘Gila Babi Punya Coolness’ to see a flying half naked politician, a good looking guy with a fringe having white eyeballs drawing on a pro canvas (With another intriguingly dashing(?) heroin addict who seemed to have made no effort whatsoever in looking just as delicious in a weird Kurt Cobain – ish kind of way), a creepy schizophrenic who just wants to be ‘a good person’ and a bumble headed Japanese Dude (Wait… was that a Samurai sword?) shouting ‘Save the cheerleader, Save the world!’

When was the last time a cheerleader save your life? Hah!! What do I tell you? Never in my Universe!

I am so totally hooked! Wednesdays are officially my favorite day of the week. I don’t care about ladies’ night’s free drinks. Gimme my remote!

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I broke the golden rule and went over to Phil’s house yesterday.

I went out of concern. As I drove in to his apartment compound, the only thing that was on my head was to console him.

Something terrible happened back home in LDN, and he needed someone to be there. His cell keeps on ringing, until at last he puts it on silent.

I bought dinner yesterday. Some of the satay he loved when we went over to a Malay congested stall, a bid to cheer him up. When I arrived, I was smelling of satay fumes. We had those meat on sticks with beer, and we sat close to each other at the balcony, holding hands, for the entire evening, until I have to drive back home.

Earlier today, he got on a flight back to the UK for a week. I sent him over to the airport, and he kissed me assuring me that he will come back, and to not worry.

I was thinking, I won’t and he shouldn’t act that way. It scares the daylight out of me.

I can see my wall going all the way up, as far as infinity.

“Have a safe trip Phil.”

Yah, the greatest feeling in the world is to find out that I really care about him as a friend and is able to detach myself from all unnecessary shameless emotional funk…

… these and all in my cartoon prints woolly socks.

The forgotten and a Ho

Bloody hell…

I forgot my purse and my PDA.

I could not even notice how light my hobo bag was today. I was rushing and I grabbed my Somerset Bay dress which was about a size bigger than my actual size.

Why you may ask? Because I was several KGs heavier back then and this dress I don’t have to waste some more time ironing, that’s why.

I am so not attractive today. Mucho2 frumpo. Plus, I feel like one of my limbs is missing. My PDA is my life! I was thinking of doing some online banking today but I can’t because all my usernames and passwords are in the frikkin’ PDA.

PFFFBBBBBBBHHTTTT!!

Then as I was driving on the highway to Senai, a frikkin’ SUV overtook me in a tasteless wreckless driver kind of way. If I haven’t pumped my breaks just in time, nescaya mulut bertemu dengan punggung (The cars’ la).

I don’t have the habit of honking people, unlike some friends I knew, so I made vulgar slurs, well nevermind that nobody knew about it, it’s all about self satisfaction is it not.

Blardy wank fucks! You anal jackass! You monkey titty ho! (It was another woman driver)

No wonder everybody thought us women drive like that. Being good drivers are totally unjustifiable! (Okeh, so maybe my parallel parking still sucks pussy but I don’t have to park that way unless I want to right?)

So I overtook it, in the same way, got honked at and proud of it. The Makcik (Wearing a tudung and all, not the attractive kind of Makcik, driving a Honda ‘Steam’,) didn’t look so happy.

How’d you like it now huh bitch? This CLK driver kicks ass okay??? (Don’t be misled. CLK-Cute little kancil.)

Saya berasa (Or merasa? Ugh… never mind) sungguh Gangsta Paradise today.

1pm… time for lunch… friend’s paying for me today… and looks like all those who wants to contact me will have to settle for the boring standard CELCOM voice mail.

Have a Great Tuesday babes!

Loners Do This

My fling, Phil came to an arrangement with me, he wants to see me, still, which I find very peculiar.

I was so ready to play bodo when he called, but yet I didn’t have the heart to. One is because he is really a good man to begin with, two, he cooks and three, he speaks to me with respect and patience.

He called from Jakarta, he had a one week conference. He said he called me because he was thinking about me. We have been incommunicado for almost 2 weeks now. I was in a good mood so I picked his call this time. I must have surprised him as his first response was a startled ‘Oh?!’

“Thought I won’t pick it up?” I asked followed by a chuckle from him.

I got to know that he has been spending his weekends alone, reading my blog and was glad that I am doing well on my own. He no longer goes to the pub where he first met me as often as he did, plus he said when he last went, all he was thinking of was the day I spoke to him.

I thought that was a wee bit, pitiful. I want him to go back to his life before I met him, when I didn’t exist when he doesn’t have to care about anybody. The way things are supposed to be.

But here’s the deal, I will continue to see him because sometimes I could be pathetically alone and when that happens I would think about BF(ex) and beat myself up over the thing which failed. He puts it as play pretend.

But only on the weekends, I told him.

So I picked him from the airport and made up, and he cooked my favorite vegan pasta and had it in front of the TV on the couch, toes touching under the blanket, I learnt how to pop open a bottle of cheap champagne that he has lying around the house and we had a bottle bubbly while watching Heroes.

Things we agree to for companionship. Things singles do to not be alone.

The life of a twenty something...

It's another cloudy day, perfect weekend to pig out (Laudry is calling out to me... cheh!)

Nappy head

I went to sleep at 5 am this morning.

The first time in months.

The last time was when I went clubbing with Anna and had to drag her ass to the mamak shop to get her a limau panas because she was dead drunk. She threw up at the side of the road and I had to ward off ‘muka tak siap mat rempits’ with a very hostile “Piss off fuckers!”.

Come to think of it now, I didn’t think that those people understood what I said.

Well, I am not going to try to hurl abusive language in Malay. Make me look stupid (Not intended as an attack to Sharifah Armani yea. For the record, I think she is a talented actress and not many actresses in Malaysia could be compared to her.)

I slept at 5 am yesterday because I was, for the first time in years, surfing the net. For porn & Hentai, blog hopping and talking to my friends who just woke up on the other side of the earth.

I woke up (officially) at 9.30 am, and decided to spend my weekend at home for a change. I need to do my laundry, clean my room and get everything straighten up. And now, I am so totally woozy in need of sleep.

Blog entry first, then sleep. (I have crazy ass inner voice.)

Post break up, I have been abandoning everything and the room is a mess. My jeans are hung at the side of the bed, my trusty water bottle has been empty for the past 4 weeks, and my desk is filled with trash and some receipts not meant for any parental figures to see (Heineken 2 botol, one bottle of JD and a bottle of Tequila at some pub named Gemme Drunk).

I am so sprung for spring cleaning.
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Chat heads

I am not made for online chatting with strangers anymore.

For some reason, when I was 17 and MIRC was still considered a novelty rather than a memory accommodating software pest, chatting was a part of my agenda after school and sometimes even before school.

I seemed to think entertaining sickos with nicks like ‘HotSchlong’ and ‘Whitetitties’ was… well… amusing.

It was like a drug. I needed at least a jab every day.

After the recent thing that happened to me, I have been on the net more often that I would like to and it was mostly out of boredom.

I chatted more with my friends overseas, I even get to piss off some lame Yahoo chatters who wants to know my a/s/l.

Sicko : asl please?

Me : old/With you? No thank u/not playboy mansion

Sicko : Kul (as in cool in netspeak)

People who goes on random chats (Not my friends) are annoyingly dumb. There was once this dude who IM me and said that he wants to cum all over my face.

I replied; direct that limp hose of yours to your own gob. Take a picture and let me send to my friends working in Malay Mail or Metro. Make for a good case of demoralized Malaysians.

And as usual, the reply would always be;

Gob idiot : Kewl.

Aaarghh???!!

Now, I only chat with my friends and some bloggy friends on YM. I tried to minimize intellectually challenged people on my YM list.

Then again, I can only try…

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My KL trip – Planning in Progress

Have I mentioned this in the blog? I guess not.

My last breather trip was to Malacca, I took a lot of (3 rolls of film? U betcha) pictures with my SLR and didn’t have time to scan it.

For my second breather, I want to go up to where no one that’s related to me would bump into me every 10 minutes in any of the malls, where nobody look at me if I decide to wear my long boho skirt with my tank top, where no one would wonder about the afro wrap on my head or if I want to go and get a tattoo on my cleavy (Which I am REALLY thinking of gettingà not a potential marriage material eh?).

The last time I was in KL was for a one day trip and there was no me time in between. Me and a couple of old friends went to Mid Valley (A waste of time, actually, because I don’t like that place) and then dinner at Le Marche @ The Curve with some sexy girlfriends (and boytoys??? Hahaha!) of mine.

And then that horrendous movie we caught at TGV. Spoiler to the whole night… because it sucked.

Oh and I did have difficulty getting around in One Utama, between the old wing and the new wing. How many wings do they have anyway? Last I heard another wing was supposed to open. Why can’t a mall be just a mall la dey!?

Can’t wait, can’t wait… heh!

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Quote from Heroes – Scene – Simone proposing a toast to Peter Petrelli;

“To love… may we stay away from it when it’s no good to us!”

Cheers!

It is a grim Wednesday indeed

Senyum buat - buat

I start work today.

I had to head the department because my boss was not around. All of the bloody inquiry emails gue kena layan. It was supposed to be split evenly between the manager and the seniors (Including me). But because my colleague and boss is on leave for the whole week, I have to entertain all of it.

Gue sungguh bosan tahap maksima.

In case you are wondering , I am at the moment in the middle of a speak Malay spree. One of my friends even asked me if there was something wrong with me as I actually spoke a 20 Malay word sentence yesterday.

Cintailah Bahasa kita. Bahasa melambangkan bangsa, bangsa Malaysia ye bukan Melayu sahaja. Tak kiralah kalau Ghani Othman tak setuju, saya setuju.

What did I tell you, I seriously have to look into retuning my linguistic preference now.

I still suck at speaking proper Malay though. You will know when I speak Malay to the customers at work.

“Macammana Encik boleh dapat tahu tentang kita ek?” (It was supposed to be how did you get to know about us?)

Like????

Forget about the ‘ek’ part as it is almost compulsory for a Johorean to have that lingo but after sometime I told myself that the sentence was supposed to be;

“Bagaimana Encik dapat tahu tentang syarikat kami ya?”

Eh… shoot me as the best I could get for my STPM Malay was a full pass B grade. I did a mock STPM English Lit. test and got a full pass with a flying colored A. Mind you, I didn’t even sign up nor did I study for the mock English Lit. test!

Darneth thee Shakespeare dudeth!

Like how my friends would call me, Melayu Murtad because my tongue always got twisted when I spoke in Malay. Melayu Americano, another would call me. Blasted faggots.

Bukan salah ibu mengandung. Salah baca buku orang putih banyak sangat I say!
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A friend sms me in the morning and it just hit me that I am a friggin’ drunkard in the making.

‘Ladies Night tomorrow @ Lush Bar see you there 8 PM. Got a bottle have to finish.’

Like seriously. Potential AA member?
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Yesterday, I came across my old Uni debate team point flash cards.

The topic was that of racial integration. I was on the opposition side. No wonder we lost. I remembered telling Drake (He was the team leader back then. Oih? I remembered???) that I want to pass on the session but he insisted for me to go upfront.

I’d rather call them points as lame excuses. Lesson that Drake learnt when we lost to some pathetic team from another unknown uni, was that NEVER PUT A LIBERAL ON THE OPPOSITION SIDE as it yields disasterous results. Besides, the audience seemed to be on the proposing side rather than ours.

See, I told Drake not to let the ill lucked C to flip the coin.

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It is a grim wednesday indeed, but on the upside, today is Heroes night. I am a closet junkie of ordinary people with superpowers. Bite me.

CNY weekend

This year, CNY was a bit, empty.

My aunt or Ah – Yi did not come to JB this year. Being that, we received our red packets in the form of some cash directly banked into my Mother’s account. For the record, I have not met my Aunt’s family for about three years. When they came over last year, I had to work and I had to miss their arrival and also their departure during the day trip.

The long weekend was spent at home. I was still very much tired from all the partying the weekend before and was actually looking forward to the rest.

I had the opportunity (and was also due to my parents’ insistence) to go over to my Grandpa’s ‘Kampung’ in Segamat. The area was one of the flood zones a month ago and since it was a long weekend, we have decided to do a two car convoy and pay them a visit.

Everything was already cleaned up. Life it seemed was already back to normal. They were the lucky ones, as they have two extensions to the house and the water didn’t reach the second higher extension of the ‘kampung’ house.

We the city folks got so excited at the sight of ripe rambutans (A type of local fruit; see picture below) on the tree and decided to gather it.

The weather was humid and it rained when we were leaving, about 3 hours after. It was tiring, but it is a trip worth making especially so during the super boring weekend.

Post Rambutan Eating, hair also like rambutan. If you notice the cracks on the wall, that was the height of the flood water a month ago which took about 3 weeks to recede.

And I managed to go out with a couple of my good friends too. These are the people who gave me support during those hard times. They believe in me and would never stop telling me that I am worth a lot more than what I give myself credit for.

Fi for an example believes that I should not be in JB and instead should be working for one of the big shots in Dubai.

Kak Neesa believes that I will do fine to follow my heart, and when things screw up, she will be there to at least make me feel better. She poured her heart out to me and I did the same.

Fi's chef pose

Concentrating on her Soy Jelly drink

Me and Kak Neesa

When Drama Queen and Drama King + Joker meet, we be dramatic

I want him to strip (Gosh! That's gotta be the widest grin of mine that was ever photographed)

We're good friends really really

Thanks peeps. I luf u looooong taim!

Picture taking courtesy of Kak Neesa, the Mamarazzi

BLURRY...

If you look at this long enough, you will realize that somethings are just not worth it...

I was a bit disturbed yesterday.

Not only was I disturbed, I was also disgusted.

I guess if it is one thing that I cannot live with, that will be the fact that I actually know a guy who thinks that way.

I found it both degrading to myself and to be honest, I was disappointed, in him. Because I really thought that he was different. And as a friend, I found myself questioning this friendship I have with him.

*Sigh*

I guess it was also because I have been deprived of beer for the whole day and has come up with a mini resolution to not intoxicate myself with alcohol for the coming few weeks (IF I could – la)
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A friend of mine was recently diagnosed as HIV positive.

He was so devastated that he was thinking of jumping of a roof to end his life.

His girlfriend tested and was thank God determined as HIV negative.

For the past few years, he has been going on frequent overseas business trips.

The girlfriend, even though she was disappointed and frustrated over the whole thing, decided that she should be by his side, at least for now, because she believes that he needs help and support. At this point, he seemed confused and even though he is a self made man, is a broken man.

For now, she told me.

She couldn’t help but to cry, anyway. To find out a man she is so in love with cheated on her was nevertheless a bitter pill to swallow.

This got me thinking.

Say, if it’s the girlfriend who fooled around and contracted the deadly disease, would the boyfriend be as sympathetic, empathic and supportive as how she is now.

I and another girlfriend talked about it, and she shook her head and said no.

Women will always relent in relationships. She is also always the first one who notices things. She will also always be the one who forgives.

She will never be forgiven, but will always be the one who is blamed.

I thought that was suffocating but grimaced at the truth of the whole thing.

We at the losing end?