Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Scotsman and our complicated 'thing'

The Scotsman and I never take what we have as a relationship.

From the first time I saw him, I knew that this would never work. He is charming, but somehow, I get that vibe.

When I met Lululemon, I got that same, THIS will never work, but I also had that 'Well, it might...' feeling.

But, I gained myself another friend. Just friends, nothing more than that.

All the other men I met, the spattering of them, ended up as acquaintances.

The guy who was introduced to me, who was dating one of the celebs, I almost didn't want to to go out on a date with him. But I did.

Predictably, that one went down the drain almost as soon as the date started.

It was one of those disaster dates. I would rather suffer through a bad sports injury than going through the painful 2 hours of coffee with him.

I mean, realistically, would someone who dated a 'celebrity' so called want to be involved with a nobody like me? This fat ass?

In what world?

At that time, I was also kind of, dating another guy. (I am single, what do I care.)

It was ok, I guess. And strangely, I don't have any expectations whatsoever. I am like... meh... I was thinking, I will take it as it comes, come whatever fucking may.

At that point, I realized that, I am truly, if not completely, over this. This whole habit of expecting something to come out of a date, it's not there anymore.

And somehow, I feel a bit disappointed, if not sad at myself for this. I mean, I am officially no longer a romantic, I am officially THE most cynical person I know.

I have no imagination and until I see it with my own two eyes and get it from someone, I am going to go for healthy skepticism.

I told The Scotsman about this, and he told me that it only feels right with us because the both of us know what to expect at the end of the line. Both of us know that when the right person comes 'for me' (He emphasized on me finding the right person.), then we will be laying down some ground rules.

I know I will be sad when the time comes. I mean, I know I will be happy if there is ANYONE at all out there who would like to actually... like me, but to end this complicated thing with The Scotsman, there oughta be some bittersweet complexities there somewhere along the line.

I guess I would only know once I meet that other person, isn't it?



  1. Little one,
    You need to stop looking and start living.
    life goes on even when we fill it up with shit.
    So why do it.
    Most of us are contaminated by the Hollywood version of love and relationship. All I can say is that its misleading but not wrong.
    Those are but one type of relationships not the only type.

    Trust in your self and be happy being who you are by yourself is the first thing that I advice all my friends.

    I believe in everything happens for a reason. We might not see it now but it will make sense eventually.

    So stop trying to find love and start loving yourself. Trully loving and not the vibrator version. And I believe you will get what is meant for you.

  2. izchan,

    Thank you. I know. I am trying. Wish me luck. :)