When Reggie arrived, I hugged her and cried.
The last time I behaved so precociously emotional in public was when I saw Trey off to UK. I sobbed all the way back to the apartment.
You have to understand, I have never portrayed myself as a vulnerable person. To my family, I am every bit independent and rebellious. I don’t cry when somebody bullied me when I was small, I retaliated. Unlike my sister who complains about everything to my parents, I prefer to keep it to myself.
Because of that, I am neither close to my Mum, Dad nor to anyone of my two siblings. Also because of that, I tend to look for affection and love somewhere else, from someone else.
I was suffering from depression 4 years ago. This happened when I was in KL. I was secretly popping a variety of pills, anti depressants actually in order to live as normal as I could. I was on therapy, fucking expensive therapy as well. I got off the mess when I was 25.
Reggie insisted on being here with me because I was there with her years ago, during one of her most difficult slump. Now, she is married to a guy and stays in NZ, and we talked regularly online.
So now I have to have a reserve account for tickets to NZ, so that I could fly down when it would be her turn to need me.
I and Reggie spent time after work talking. She doesn’t know anybody from JB so she stayed in her hotel room during the day, waiting for me to finish work. I feel bad actually for not being able to be with her but she assured me that she was ok with it.
In one of our conversations, I told her everything about the person whom I care so much about. Then I realized that I actually remembered a lot of him, his habits, those little facial expressions he made unknowingly, those little things that we don’t usually know we do.
Reggie sighed, heavily. Looked at me and shook her head. She hugged me, the silence, interpreted sounded something like;
“You are screwed girl, you are in love, and you are screwed big time.”
I don’t want her sympathy, or anyone else’s. I only wanted empathy, some understanding would be good, and for them to just LISTEN without offering solutions or advise. What people don’t know is that we do know what we have to do most of the time, but most of the time we are either scared or unwilling to carry out the solution.
Thank God for Reggie, I am coping. She has been a great help and honestly, I think I could go on with my agendas now, without thinking of the love that was not reciprocated (I was going to put unreciprocated but then I got confused with irreciprocable and wondered if the latter was even a word.).
That L word is a big word, indeed, and I should not toy around with it like a kid with a frikkin’ toy ball.
The last time I behaved so precociously emotional in public was when I saw Trey off to UK. I sobbed all the way back to the apartment.
You have to understand, I have never portrayed myself as a vulnerable person. To my family, I am every bit independent and rebellious. I don’t cry when somebody bullied me when I was small, I retaliated. Unlike my sister who complains about everything to my parents, I prefer to keep it to myself.
Because of that, I am neither close to my Mum, Dad nor to anyone of my two siblings. Also because of that, I tend to look for affection and love somewhere else, from someone else.
I was suffering from depression 4 years ago. This happened when I was in KL. I was secretly popping a variety of pills, anti depressants actually in order to live as normal as I could. I was on therapy, fucking expensive therapy as well. I got off the mess when I was 25.
Reggie insisted on being here with me because I was there with her years ago, during one of her most difficult slump. Now, she is married to a guy and stays in NZ, and we talked regularly online.
So now I have to have a reserve account for tickets to NZ, so that I could fly down when it would be her turn to need me.
I and Reggie spent time after work talking. She doesn’t know anybody from JB so she stayed in her hotel room during the day, waiting for me to finish work. I feel bad actually for not being able to be with her but she assured me that she was ok with it.
In one of our conversations, I told her everything about the person whom I care so much about. Then I realized that I actually remembered a lot of him, his habits, those little facial expressions he made unknowingly, those little things that we don’t usually know we do.
Reggie sighed, heavily. Looked at me and shook her head. She hugged me, the silence, interpreted sounded something like;
“You are screwed girl, you are in love, and you are screwed big time.”
I don’t want her sympathy, or anyone else’s. I only wanted empathy, some understanding would be good, and for them to just LISTEN without offering solutions or advise. What people don’t know is that we do know what we have to do most of the time, but most of the time we are either scared or unwilling to carry out the solution.
Thank God for Reggie, I am coping. She has been a great help and honestly, I think I could go on with my agendas now, without thinking of the love that was not reciprocated (I was going to put unreciprocated but then I got confused with irreciprocable and wondered if the latter was even a word.).
That L word is a big word, indeed, and I should not toy around with it like a kid with a frikkin’ toy ball.
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