Calling

So.. What's your calling?

Some people are happy living life without ever fulfilling or finding out what their true passion or calling is. They lived their whole life buried in other people's expectations without ever wondering about their existence in life.

Some said their passion is family, their calling is to take care of their children, their pride is their children.

No offense to this selfless notion and not that I have no respect for anyone who has that exact calling, I do think that sometimes, people put this as their calling, because deep inside, they lost their need for a calling, and went ahead for that thing in front of them. It's convenient. It's noble.

So this would be my so-called calling in life.

Earlier, I went for my 'lunch' (in brackets because it is at 12.15 am) with my bestie and he told me to look at what was in front of me.

I looked ahead, and I can see a plate of 'roti canai' (Paratha). With dhal curry.

So... my calling is.. to be.. an Indian bread. So I am to be kneaded?

Well, my point is, if you read my last entry, I have yet to know what I actually 'Want' to do. Even what am I actually good at. Sure, universe presented me with an opportunity for me to mull over it, but I can't be mulling over it forever. I am no trust fund kid and can't really go off to a foreign land, join an ashram and be an ascetic. (Although, believe me, if I have that chance, I would take it. This whole materialistic existence is bumming me out.)

My first job was as a waitress. I was waiting table, putting myself through my 'education'. And then I took on the Barista role at a local Starbucks. Dropped out, went back to JB, and took on a Customer Service Assistant job. The job was crappy, it was boring, it was... routine hell. I was at it for about 2 years plus, was given the opportunity to be a PR officer with the same company for about 3 years after.

Yes. I don't move jobs often, or, companies all that often. I am a loyalist. Sue me.

Public relations was interesting. Hypocritical, but interesting. I have all these different masks that I have to put on for different people. It was the first profession where I found out, with proper usage of sarcasm, I can get my way with my boss.

I landed in this company and in this job because 5 years ago, I decided that I need to move away from what my life was. I have just broken up with my ex, life was bleak, I hated living with my parents and I do think I need to... run away.

I ended up in this job.

I now run a call center, being all too familiar with all the crazy tech and telecoms jargons, and has a penchant for effective management, at least, I thought I do.

So.. is this my calling? Gosh.. if this is INDEED my calling, I would be thinking, how boring can my life be?

I see myself as a Jack (Jane?? Jill??) of all trades, but a master of none. If I do have one trait that I am a master of, it would be my ability to adapt, and to handle, whatever comes my way. Maybe not in the most perfect, university management theory way, but, in the most flawed, trial and error, honest self development way.

Which is better? I don't know.

Is this my calling? I don't know.

The bad news is, it might take a whole life for me to find my calling.

The good news is, I am already 34, I am almost halfway there.

So.. now... hurry on, Universe. Give me my calling.

With love, Namaste.