Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The day I ...

... came to term that things would just be the way that I actually think it is going to be.

I have always thought that my NSA and I would never have anything beyond what we have right now. When we snuggle with each other everytime we are together, yes... for a split second I was thinking how nice it would be like to do that with him everyday. To wake up with him, with a smile on my face.

Not gonna kid myself any longer, it just get too tiring. Harboring hope is tiring.

And then I just resolved that I don't actually want it. Like how I sabotaged my previous relationships, even making myself believe that I was NOT the cause of the break ups.

Same damn thing. I was breaking up the relationship because in actuality, I never really wanted it in the first place.

I guess the reason why I said that I will try it out with Mr. Probably -Would -Be - Boyfie - Husband-If -It-Works-That-Is was because somehow, I kind of KNOW that it would not actually... work?

I don't know, I might be wrong, and God knows how I have been wishing that I am wrong so many times. 

At the moment, I have always been oddly... right.


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