Do you want baby?

In all seriousness, having a kid had never been in my agenda.

I am 33, again in all seriousness.

I love playing with my cousins' kids. I adore my nephew, I love fooling around with my best friend's kid too.

But do I want to have kids?

I.... don't know.

Maybe as a woman, I might want to. But as a person, I have my reservations.

I have seen how people change just by being in a relationship. Now... having a kid... is... I guess...

Life changing would be an understatement... no?

I still don't know why people want to have children. You 'grow' them... and then what?

The motive of having kids are different, I got to know.

Westerners have kids because... they just do. Asians breed because they want the kids to live in guilt and never ending gratitude that they were bred. Africans reproduce because... well they can't get condoms.

So... you changed for the sake of a change in your marital status and you changed some more when you have kids... so what happen to 'you' then?

Crude much?

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1st world issues

1) when you try to tap / swipe on a normal screened cell phone.
2) when you tap on a notebook's screen.
3) when the prospect of not having wifi sends chills down your spine.
4) when you think your partner does not love you because they don't install an adroid app you are using
5) when you lie awake all night thinking if you did shut down your laptop properly in the office.

posted from Bloggeroid

A lighter, gushing entry...

On...

Instagram.

I am obsessed!

Although I do believe that photograpy is not something you should be 'shortcut-ting' on, It is hard to ignore the fact that the android app is just sooo ...

Addictive!

I know that photography is a passion that should not be aided by any application. But in the end, I swallowed my painful smart assness and surrendered to this!

Sure, there are tricks in the DSLR book to teach you on how to achieve this look using the rules of exposures and shutter speeds and stuff.

I did this in less than 2 minutes. And I like it!

Well anyway... I was told that my last entry was sort of ... morbid. So I decided to pen a lighter, more candid entry on the simple things in life.

Like android applications... and the joy it brings.

Cheers! It's a midweek people!

Thoughts on a hot day

Something occurred to me while I was driving.

That... life is short... very short (and believe me the android keypad misspelt the word short to 'shit'...)

*pause to digest self error*

So... what have you done really in this very... short life span.

I have successfully lived my life... making a fool of myself 75% of the time. Learned from pure trials and errors, and realized that any different decision making would have meant that my life would have been totally different.

Or that I might even be dead.

What was it that pushes us forward, even in the darkest place in our life... what made us stop and ... I guess recalibrate our steps?

I can only say 1 thing...

It's fear.

We have a fear of dying. Not just the whole dramatic act of dying... or the pain that preceeds it, it's just the fear that we will no longer be a part of the living.

The possibility of us entering the after life, of submitting ourselves to the whole probability of hell... or heaven.... or reincarnation (if you believe that kind of thing.)

Or even of becoming a speck.

It's the fear of not able to be a part of anyone else's lives.

That's what pushes us to LIVE.

And of course you can say love... but then again... the L word is just too overrated.

This is just of course... ladies and gents... a useless trail of thoughts on a hot day.

I am only but a fool... who tries incessantly to make a difference.

So... life is short... it's fueled by fear.... and we should shove fear up our asses and just .... live.... the best we know how.

posted from Bloggeroid

Wonders

No... I am not about to blog about the wonders of the world.

I am now maybe half pissed from the three beers I had been consuming, happily of course (totally aware of the repercussion of such action) thinking that life is pretty much half lived as if this moment.

Insta-fucking-gram is not working.

Yeah.

posted from Bloggeroid

Meditation... and why I am crap at it

The last time I tried meditation, was maybe last year.

I was trying out a Kundalini Yoga class and to explore our 'spiritual side', meditation was one of the agendas of the class.

I am one of those who cannot sit still. I am in constant need of doing something. Anything... just... something.

I get frustrated when I have to go for my facial. I will only go for facials when I am really... tired. That's the only way I could actually stand 60 minutes of NOT MOVING.

I am not trying to put meditation on the same plane as getting a facial. I am sure on a spiritual side, getting a facial holds less significance then meditation.

Anyway, back to my last meditation 'session'.

We were asked to 'shut our worldly desires and focus on our inner peace'.

What went on in my head, and still does to this day was (is) that :

' Why should we shut our worldly desires to find inner peace?'

I mean, who is to say that we are not able to achieve inner peace by responding to our worldly desires?

And what exactly are worldly desires?

Sex, I guess is one of them, but I thought, there is this Tantric sex terminology. It is believed that sex, however unorthodox it could be, leads to the final revelation of nirvana.

Unless of course I got that wrong.

But, in all essence, sex is basically, still a worldly desire, is it not?

The other thing that went through my head was why is it that we have to pull ourselves from the world, to achieve inner peace? Does this mean that we can't achieve peace unless we are out of this world?

So... there I was, in my imperfect lotus position, trying to meditate, trying to focus on my 'inner peace', and found out that the only thing I achieved during that session was a heightened sense of sound and smell (can't say sight because we have to close our eyes to find our inner peace.). I am suddenly aware of every sound, every movement around me.

I am pretty sure someone snored but I can't open my eyes to risk losing that 'inner peace'.

I am still not sure if the heightened senses were me getting closer to having 'inner peace' (You can say this with a degree of contempt and sarcasm, I would understand if you do.) but I was sure as hell that I will never meditate ever.

I take the corpse position at the end of every yoga class as an avenue for me to rest my body after all that twisting and bending. I still feel... awkward listening to the Yoga instructor telling us to 'let go......' But still, it's better than to shut my worldly desires to find inner peace. At least, the Yoga teacher I had only asked us to recognize our potential.

I mean, I respect people who believes in meditation. One of my friends said that she saw an astral projection of herself during one of her meditation sessions, which I thought, was totally cool!

I wish I can do that.

But I can't, and I am strangely ok with not being able to. I am perfectly happy with focusing my physical energy to find just peace.

That's a downer...

I don't know how is it that me and my best friends can do this.

I only have two best friends so far, and we share the same opinion and ethics on work.

Our whole entire livelihood depends on our job. The only reason why we are able to do all these things that we are doing in life is because we have a job. The only reason why we are at this particular point in life, is because we have a job to depend on.

A job we enjoy doing.

Well, sometimes, my job is not that enjoyable. Sometimes it's a chore.

Managerial is hugely misunderstood by most people.

A good manager do not order people around without knowing the essence of the 'order'. As a matter of fact, it's the total opposite.

A manager should know, on a high level, what the order is all about, how should it be delivered, how to track it and how to assess it.

It's not difficult to manage a team of agents (individual agendas, aside), but to manage a team that consists of Leads and analysts, that's something else.

Personally for me, Work must NEVER mix with your personal life. Whatever personal shit that happens in your life must be pushed aside when you are at work. I guess I am lucky that I have a degree of flexibility and options to work from home, when I don't feel like coming to work.

Yes, sometimes I mull over the fact that I am single, the one person I like is going to leave soon and all that crap. On these days, I function better at home. I function better working via emails and messaging.

I foresee that to happen a lot over the next couple of months.

But, I guess, I put it down on my personal work ethics, and possibly my ego.

I cannot, will not, NEVER compromise my work with my personal fuck ups.

Shit happens, leave it behind, and move the fuck on.

And as a rule of thumb... attrition will happen in operations. There is no such thing as 0 attrition, ever. Operations or not.

So, here I am, crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Peace.