Thursday, August 19, 2010

About the exes

I have always been listening about nightmare tales from friends about their exes.

More often than not, those stories would make us think about how stupid we were in the first place to let ourselves be attracted to those assholes in the first place.

So in the end, we were the assholes.

Some of my friends eventually found their soulmates. Some are just bitter about still being stuck with someone who could be a splitting image of their exes (To this my response would usually be What the Flying Fuck?!).

Me... I am just ok with how things are going now. Loneliness aside, having no one to dictate you feels so... liberating.

But yes, the loneliness and no one to fall back to is kind of... taxing.

...And tiring... at times.

I have great friends, don't get me wrong... but they naturally have their own life to deal with that it would only make me feel guilty to even try to complain to them about my work personal life.

Some of them had found their happiness after so long that even to complain to them about a broken nail (Not that I have any) made me feel... guilty.

Honestly though, except for the ex who I caught sleeping with someone else and also the racist pig I was with for less than 3 months, all of my exes had been either wonderful and/or insignificant and forgetful.

 Last weekend I was having a pre- buka puasa session with some of my friends at a petrol kiosk (Long story la) and we started talking about exes.

And then I discovered with much 'awe' that I have forgotten the name of the racist pig ex.

I know he was a racist pig, and have called him as such, but I forgot his real name. It wasn't until an hour after that I finally managed to remember his name... even then I was not sure...

I was going,"It might have been.. or maybe... I am not sure I remembered..."

I guess, subconsciously, I managed to block that pig out of my head.

All the time during the conversation, there were only 2 people that I was thinking about, and all of them are still pretty much in glued in my brain.

Both of them are now expecting a baby from other women. I love them both dearly. And they are still pretty much involved in my life.

I have been told by good friends of mine that I have to move on, distant myself away from them and just ... find someone else who would be able to love me and appreciate me just the way I am.

I guess I should attempt that.

But unless you are in a fulfilling relationship with someone right now... you will end up just thinking, maybe it might have just worked, if I had changed something.

My life right now is pretty much all me. I think about what I would want to be in 5-10 years from now and strangely, there is only me in that picture up in my head.

UNLESS... someone comes along and proves me wrong.

** On a separate note, I think Hollywood should be banned or something for making all those love stories that are very unrealistic and too good to be true. Try making my life into a movie... it would be too stupid and sad in the beginning and then just... Blah towards the end.

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