I am somewhat disappointed with myself.
Before this, I swore to myself that I will never allow myself to be vulnerable, again.
Never again.
I find I get extremely upset when I am. I thought during my long 2 years single streak that I am over all this vulnerable bullcrap but NO...
Of course not.
OF COURSE God has more in store for me.
Like throwing me a man who wouldn't want to be committed to me.
A man who is the kind of person I would like to be with.
Someone I would love to be with, to live my life with.
And it's not about the money, cause we have none but enough.
It's not about the sex either, I guess both of us are over that.
It's about the companionship.
And it's about the care that the both of us show, at the same time, trying to refrain ourselves from showing to much of...
All I actually hoped from all this is that I'd mean something to him, and I can die a happy woman just knowing I mean something to someone who means a lot to me.
Get what I mean?
Or maybe not.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Why I am single
People seemed to have their own perception as to why I am single.
1) High Standards.
2) The need for me to correct everyone and everything
3) High Standards
4) Inability to commit
5) High Standards
Do I have high standards?
At 33, I don't know if I do have standards at all!
The only person I can see myself with, if I can ever have anyone like him come my way again would be The Scotsman.
I need someone I can actually talk to, who enjoys life, who is willing to share his life and who would listen and take me seriously as a person.
Unfortunately, The Scotsman and me is a no go. I guess, we are just born in different eras, wrong timing.
I am insignificant to him, and although I might even be in love with him, I am contented just knowing I am still able to love.
And no, The Scotsman didn't think I have the need to correct everyone and everything. He appreciated me for everything that I am, as am I with him.
So, I cried like a pathetic fuck yesterday, and today and probably will cry in the next few months, just thinking about this, and him.
But I am happy to at least have had the pleasure to be with him, in this short life span.
1) High Standards.
2) The need for me to correct everyone and everything
3) High Standards
4) Inability to commit
5) High Standards
Do I have high standards?
At 33, I don't know if I do have standards at all!
The only person I can see myself with, if I can ever have anyone like him come my way again would be The Scotsman.
I need someone I can actually talk to, who enjoys life, who is willing to share his life and who would listen and take me seriously as a person.
Unfortunately, The Scotsman and me is a no go. I guess, we are just born in different eras, wrong timing.
I am insignificant to him, and although I might even be in love with him, I am contented just knowing I am still able to love.
And no, The Scotsman didn't think I have the need to correct everyone and everything. He appreciated me for everything that I am, as am I with him.
So, I cried like a pathetic fuck yesterday, and today and probably will cry in the next few months, just thinking about this, and him.
But I am happy to at least have had the pleasure to be with him, in this short life span.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Power to 'some' of the people and of the justification of money takers in denial
I have openly admitted that I am apolitical.
Malaysian politics frustrates me. I know the moment I start talking about politics, I will keep on going on about how DUMB it is.
As for Bersih, I am not fond of it. And so... I don't care.
As one of the silent majority, we think it is stupid, a waste of time and a waste of intellect.
One of the things that they tried to bring up through this rally (Yeah... aside from a 'clean' election) were the abolishment of education loans.
To quote what my sister said about this whole schmuck, too many people have used the loans, too many people got the opportunity to study in universities, and so... too many smart asses were brought into the fabric of Malaysians' society.
These smart asses decided to call for the abolishment of the education loan because they can't get jobs that pay them enough as fresh graduates.
Let's do the math shall we. You graduated, got paid, and the agreement said pay about RM 119 - 250 a month.
Standard fresh graduate wages can go up to RM 1600 - 2300, depending on the company.
Why is it so difficult to cough up an unsubstantial amount from your pay to settle the money you had so joyfully signed a contract for?
Just because you are a graduate (who can't even be bothered to learn how to speak English properly), you are expecting a 3k pay package to cover a less than rm 500 loan payment?
Seriously? Like... seriously?
My sister and I agreed that these whacks are dumb asses who for any random reason, forgot how they would beg and cry for the loan to be approved, to be given the chance to study, to go into university, to be intellects... etc.
Shame, now all they have become are hooligans, street thugs.
Let this be a lesson to PTPTN to be more selective when it comes to approving future loans.
Although I am still paying off my loan, I don't wish for it to be waived. It's principal. Nobody else made me take the frikkin' money, I did, so I am going to pay for it.
It's that rare thing most young Malaysians seemed to have forgotten...
It's called---Responsibility.
Malaysian politics frustrates me. I know the moment I start talking about politics, I will keep on going on about how DUMB it is.
As for Bersih, I am not fond of it. And so... I don't care.
As one of the silent majority, we think it is stupid, a waste of time and a waste of intellect.
One of the things that they tried to bring up through this rally (Yeah... aside from a 'clean' election) were the abolishment of education loans.
To quote what my sister said about this whole schmuck, too many people have used the loans, too many people got the opportunity to study in universities, and so... too many smart asses were brought into the fabric of Malaysians' society.
These smart asses decided to call for the abolishment of the education loan because they can't get jobs that pay them enough as fresh graduates.
Let's do the math shall we. You graduated, got paid, and the agreement said pay about RM 119 - 250 a month.
Standard fresh graduate wages can go up to RM 1600 - 2300, depending on the company.
Why is it so difficult to cough up an unsubstantial amount from your pay to settle the money you had so joyfully signed a contract for?
Just because you are a graduate (who can't even be bothered to learn how to speak English properly), you are expecting a 3k pay package to cover a less than rm 500 loan payment?
Seriously? Like... seriously?
My sister and I agreed that these whacks are dumb asses who for any random reason, forgot how they would beg and cry for the loan to be approved, to be given the chance to study, to go into university, to be intellects... etc.
Shame, now all they have become are hooligans, street thugs.
Let this be a lesson to PTPTN to be more selective when it comes to approving future loans.
Although I am still paying off my loan, I don't wish for it to be waived. It's principal. Nobody else made me take the frikkin' money, I did, so I am going to pay for it.
It's that rare thing most young Malaysians seemed to have forgotten...
It's called---Responsibility.
posted from Bloggeroid
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Frugal Report #3
Here goes :
Fuel : RM 30
Beverages : RM 52
Food : RM 40 (lunch at Ben's); RM 60 (Antipodean coffees and cakes);
Water bills : RM 32 (for three months)
Parking fees : RM 25 (For all venues)
Total : RM 179
Hmm ... At least I have completely stopped buying all manners of trinkets and stuff for my wardrobe. No?
--
So The Scotsman, being told that I am going to be frugal for the next few months are going to make sure that I stay away from shops and boutiques in Pavilion.
Or whenever we go out.
Which is a pain because I love window shopping in Pavilion.
We have resolved that we will only spend for vacations (very rare ones) that we would usually have once every two months or so.
And I will try to (Nay.. do?) to make sure that by the end of this year, I am able to to roll my expenses with wise credit help that my plastic should provide.
So for now, the only swiping I do will be the snot off my kitten's face (should there be any...)
Fuel : RM 30
Beverages : RM 52
Food : RM 40 (lunch at Ben's); RM 60 (Antipodean coffees and cakes);
Water bills : RM 32 (for three months)
Parking fees : RM 25 (For all venues)
Total : RM 179
Hmm ... At least I have completely stopped buying all manners of trinkets and stuff for my wardrobe. No?
--
So The Scotsman, being told that I am going to be frugal for the next few months are going to make sure that I stay away from shops and boutiques in Pavilion.
Or whenever we go out.
Which is a pain because I love window shopping in Pavilion.
We have resolved that we will only spend for vacations (very rare ones) that we would usually have once every two months or so.
And I will try to (Nay.. do?) to make sure that by the end of this year, I am able to to roll my expenses with wise credit help that my plastic should provide.
So for now, the only swiping I do will be the snot off my kitten's face (should there be any...)
Friday, April 13, 2012
Frugal Report #2
1 week expenses :
Petrol : RM 40
Food : RM 55
Coffee : Haven't had coffee this week. :(
'Beverage' : RM 55
Others : Groceries, Parking charges etc : RM 30+8+4 : 42
Total : RM 202 (mind calculation)
It is mind boggling thinking that I spent almost 1K for a month on small expenses.
Petrol : RM 40
Food : RM 55
Coffee : Haven't had coffee this week. :(
'Beverage' : RM 55
Others : Groceries, Parking charges etc : RM 30+8+4 : 42
Total : RM 202 (mind calculation)
It is mind boggling thinking that I spent almost 1K for a month on small expenses.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Frugal attempt report #1
Over the weekend, I spent about RM 250 - ish.
Yes... remember what I said about frugality? I am obviously not someone who can live under its' rule.
So, this was what I spent the RM 250-ish on ...
Saturday
RM 20.08 - 4 Cappuccinos
RM 58 - 2 pairs of Jelly Ballerina flats ie shoes
RM 70 - Petrol, full tank RON 97
RM 36 - Petrol, halfway marker at Machap, Shell Racing fuel (Because, I am a speed demon)
RM 41.50 - Toll at Senai, JB
Total : RM 225.58
Sunday
RM 19.50 (ish) - Lunch with Mum and Sister
RM 98 - Hand tote for Mum (Credit card)
RM 40 - Petrol, Shell Racing Fuel
RM 45 (Ish) - Toll, Kota Damansara exit.
Total : RM 202.50
Okay.. so I miscalculated. I spent :
RM 428.08
Now normally, I would not be thinking too much about this. Afterall, my trip back to JB would usually be more than this. But since I am trying to save, it concerns me a bit why was it that I have never thought of how much this really is.
However, I should pat myself on the back because aside from the 2 pairs of flats and the handbag (For Mum), I have successfully refrained myself from buying any other stuff to clog my closet with.
Owh... and I forgot 1 itsy bitsy thing :
RM 15 : Dinner at Nirwana's. (Banana leaf rice, 1 chicken and 1 Iced tea)
So that makes the total : RM 443.08 (If I mind calculated that properly).
And yes, I now have about RM 100 in my purse for the whole week.
Wish me luck!
And oh yeah, I do not feel any pain spending the moollah to see this little munchkin :
Yes... remember what I said about frugality? I am obviously not someone who can live under its' rule.
So, this was what I spent the RM 250-ish on ...
Saturday
RM 20.08 - 4 Cappuccinos
RM 58 - 2 pairs of Jelly Ballerina flats ie shoes
RM 70 - Petrol, full tank RON 97
RM 36 - Petrol, halfway marker at Machap, Shell Racing fuel (Because, I am a speed demon)
RM 41.50 - Toll at Senai, JB
Total : RM 225.58
Sunday
RM 19.50 (ish) - Lunch with Mum and Sister
RM 98 - Hand tote for Mum (Credit card)
RM 40 - Petrol, Shell Racing Fuel
RM 45 (Ish) - Toll, Kota Damansara exit.
Total : RM 202.50
Okay.. so I miscalculated. I spent :
RM 428.08
Now normally, I would not be thinking too much about this. Afterall, my trip back to JB would usually be more than this. But since I am trying to save, it concerns me a bit why was it that I have never thought of how much this really is.
However, I should pat myself on the back because aside from the 2 pairs of flats and the handbag (For Mum), I have successfully refrained myself from buying any other stuff to clog my closet with.
Owh... and I forgot 1 itsy bitsy thing :
RM 15 : Dinner at Nirwana's. (Banana leaf rice, 1 chicken and 1 Iced tea)
So that makes the total : RM 443.08 (If I mind calculated that properly).
And yes, I now have about RM 100 in my purse for the whole week.
Wish me luck!
And oh yeah, I do not feel any pain spending the moollah to see this little munchkin :
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I look you in the eye... oh frugality
Ok...
I think I have established before this that 'frugality' is definitely NOT one of my personal strengths.
Perhaps I should tell you guys that I am a real terror when it comes to 'overspending'.
Sure I will always have money but... really.. on a serious note... I should control what I spend my money on.
I am constantly reminded of my lack of self control every time I look at my clothes...
Sometimes I would dig through my 'collection', holding up a top that I never knew I had. I once found out (Nay... discovered...) that I bought a top from Gap, that was still in the Gap paper bag, hanging on my room's door knob, three weeks after I purchased it.
And the shoes... yes the shoes... Joyce, my housemate thinks that I would need more than 2 ten tier shoe rack to store all of my shoes, now, she meant to say... without the prospect of any other shoes coming in any time soon.
So yes... I am a prolific spender, although I am not as worst as the 'shopaholic' (The movie I only bothered to watch once, because I so HATE Sophie Kinsella's books. Sure not everyone can write, but I just can't swallow... chick lit)
So this is what I am going to do to have some sense of financial control. I am going to test myself by doing this for 3 months and see if it's going to take me somewhere preferably away from this situation of 'knowing but ignoring' the seriousness of the situation.
I am not going to spend on clothes and shoes and bags for myself.
Yes...
I am not going to go around malls, and two same tops in different color.
Talk is cheap... you say...
Yeah.. this is what I am going to do.
I am going to write here on my progress... like every day... every cent I save... every cent I spent on... what I think of buying and if I surrender to the temptation of having money and not spend it.
Also, it is my resolution to pay off some of my loans so that I can be debt free.. at least 50% debt free.
Wish me luck!
Ugh
I think I have established before this that 'frugality' is definitely NOT one of my personal strengths.
Perhaps I should tell you guys that I am a real terror when it comes to 'overspending'.
Sure I will always have money but... really.. on a serious note... I should control what I spend my money on.
I am constantly reminded of my lack of self control every time I look at my clothes...
Sometimes I would dig through my 'collection', holding up a top that I never knew I had. I once found out (Nay... discovered...) that I bought a top from Gap, that was still in the Gap paper bag, hanging on my room's door knob, three weeks after I purchased it.
And the shoes... yes the shoes... Joyce, my housemate thinks that I would need more than 2 ten tier shoe rack to store all of my shoes, now, she meant to say... without the prospect of any other shoes coming in any time soon.
So yes... I am a prolific spender, although I am not as worst as the 'shopaholic' (The movie I only bothered to watch once, because I so HATE Sophie Kinsella's books. Sure not everyone can write, but I just can't swallow... chick lit)
So this is what I am going to do to have some sense of financial control. I am going to test myself by doing this for 3 months and see if it's going to take me somewhere preferably away from this situation of 'knowing but ignoring' the seriousness of the situation.
I am not going to spend on clothes and shoes and bags for myself.
Yes...
I am not going to go around malls, and two same tops in different color.
Talk is cheap... you say...
Yeah.. this is what I am going to do.
I am going to write here on my progress... like every day... every cent I save... every cent I spent on... what I think of buying and if I surrender to the temptation of having money and not spend it.
Also, it is my resolution to pay off some of my loans so that I can be debt free.. at least 50% debt free.
Wish me luck!
Ugh
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