Crossroads

We always want something that we couldn’t get.

I want ‘I’ to be my boyfriend, because we connect, but I can’t because he is my friend. We tried, we failed, I think, or maybe we just didn’t wait to find out.

I want Trey because he had been the only one who could handle my mood swings and seemed to have the skills of handling my eccentric personality while being a wonderfully sweet and thoughtful friend.

But I can’t because I don't want to be in between his career. I want him to have the best, and I am not the best.

I want to be normal, to have someone to go back to or someone to complaint with over the phone, not being the independent chick all the time.

Independence is tiring, and lonely.

But I am not made for things like that. I am far from conventional. What I want in a partner IE boyfriend is almost unrealistic. I was jealouse of my best friend because she had the kind of relationship I want for myself.

And the guy loves her, like really loves her.

Padan muka akak jugakla... I was the one who pushed Trey out of my life, believing he deserves better things, like that job over in the UK and that size 4 girl.

But at least, he sticks with me as a friend. He came down twice to make sure I was ok last year.

And there is ‘I’, who’s helped me in a whole lot of things. He is my shoulder to cry on, he is my punching bag and my good friend. We could talk for hours, and I think he would be the only one person who is able to accompany me if I would ever get to see a sunrise on some island with someone.

We connect in a mysterious way.

I guess God has a different blue print laid out for me. How I wish I could take a peek.