Every now and then, it sneaks up to you and whisper discouraging words to you.
How you are not good enough, how you'd wished you're someone else, with someone else's life.
How you'd wish you've never been born.
I was with The Scotsman for Christmas. It was something that I didn't expect, him wanting me to be around on Christmas.
We were both sick for the past two weeks, him with Viral fever and me, with Tonsilitis. I kept in close contact with him all throughout the week. I made sure that he is taken care of in my absence. Bought him drinking water, medicine and asked if he needed any food.
The reason why, I did all that for him was not because I am head over heels for him (Which I never allowed myself to be) but it was because of Karma.
I know it would probably be better for me if say I was the one who was all alone in another country with no family or good friends to rely on.
For the whole of the weekend, not once did I say, 'If only ...'
I was genuinely happy... and it was so good for my karma.
(Well... except for the time when The Scotsman said that he didn't get Sarah Jessica Parker because she looks like a horse. @_@)
Now to find someone like The Scotsman, but who would have no problem with long term commitment, and who is my age.
And someone who would understand crude jokes like :
Anyway... Nowadays I spend most of my late afternoons working remotely from my favorite restaurant in Bangsar.
I have made it a habit for me to start my work hours earlier so that I have an excuse to go back earlier, as in... when the skies are still pretty much dark...
I found out that this schedule works for me.
Never mind that I am known as the chick(Who am I kidding, I am about to be 33 next year) woman who orders Capuccino everytime (I swear, this place makes THE BEST CAPUCCINO in town!) and whose timing is like clock work.
I will be in the cafe from 5.30 pm onwards, with my java, my work laptop and all manner of documents on my table.
The only time when I would not be seen at this place, slaving hanging out with my favorite designer effing coffee would be on the weekends, with the occasional quick breakfast on Sundays.
And Uh... I am aware of Christmas by the way... presents are bought and dress ready... hoping to snuggle up with The Scotsman under the mistletoe in some Christmas party.
Actually, I am more excited about the long weekend more than anything. :)
Okay... I better get my ass print off this seat and head off to work.