Sunday, March 31, 2013

Cosmic order

When I was young-er, I have always somehow blamed the universe for my less than perfect life.

Of course, I wasted my 20s searching for things that don't matter. I was living with my family and this restricted my thinking, that there are lot more things out there. That anything is possible.

I blamed the universe for my weight, my immaturity and my unlucky lovelife.

Now that I am in my 30's, a bit of a late bloomer, to be honest, at least when it comes to living life, and love, as a whole, I have learnt that the universe, in a twisted way, is and had always been... Fair.

The truth is, it is your choice, how you want your life to be. The universe, somehow, sneakily, plays a role.

My cat, Titu, was lost for the whole week since last Monday.

I searched for her everywhere, I worried about how she was doing, what she was eating and whether she got into a fight with the street cats.

At the same time, I was accepting of it. If I am meant to find her than I will. As a cat, it is very likely that she is going to be ok.

On Sunday, I was on my way home from my weekly rice session when I heard a loud meowing.

And I knew that meow.

I searched, and found Titu. Lo and Behold, there she was, crouching under a car, scared and confused, but there nevertheless.


See? The Universe is sneaky. You will just have to let go, and let it take its' own course.

Namaste, and with love.

Ayu

Monday, March 25, 2013

In a world where humanity is disappearing...

My friend was robbed in Shanghai, a couple of months ago.

He went over to a bar, was forced to pay 6000 Euros for 3 beers, was surrounded by violent Chinese men, and in the end, relented.

He also had his drinks spiked, and had a blurry account of the whole incident.

Being a traveler myself, this concerns me.

Recently, we were rudely shocked by the American woman who was kidnapped in a cab and gang raped by two men.

The woman was picked up barely 10 minutes away from my home and it makes me wonder, how safe are we really, in our own backyard.

We have law makers who try to define the act of rape, by blaming women who 'don't cover themselves.'

So far, the precaution had been on the women.

Don't step out of your vehicle in clothes that might send the wrong signals, don't go out alone, don't go out after midnight.

When the precaution for prevention should involve the men as well. Men should have respect towards women, just like how they would like to be respected. I do not think any man would like a cock to be stuffed up their asses, forcefully. Why would anyone else be different?

The world is screwed up. People are more paranoid than ever (Myself included).

Humans have lost their humanity, some were blinded by religious hatred, some by political preferences, and some by the wrong kind of education.

My mum said, in the 70's, when she was in her 20s, she used to hitchhike. People were nice and trustworthy.

I know there were exception. I know of the famous serial killer, Ted Bundy, who picked up his victims this way.

But that's the thing, it was an 'exception'. Nowadays, we would just shrug it off. It's became the rule, rather than the exception.

What can be even sadder than the women allowing the possibility of rape unto other women, indirectly, saying that it's ok to rape them too?


I am not feeling enlightened today. I am feeling rather depressed. :(

Ayu


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My Guru said..

To give yourself time. Lots of it.

In this case, to give myself time.

I have been practicing Shirsasana for some time now, 2 months to be exact, with no success. I have done it against a wall, using blocks, with straps... the works.

Did I fly? Did I see the world from a different perspective? Not quite.

I was stuck in the dolphin pose for as long as I can remember, kicking my legs off the mat, only to come down with a thud, and reclining back to balasana, sometimes with a lump at the back of my throat.

I felt like crying.

This morning I went to the yoga studio for a morning Hatha practice. After the sweaty session, I went to my teacher and ask him when should a student transition from beginner's to intermediate class?

He said a student is ready for intermediate level when he/she is able to do all the stances in beginner's class with ease.

I bit my lower lip. My teacher raised his eyebrows.

"But you did attend a couple of intermediate classes, yes?"

"Yes. I have. But ... I have my doubts."

Of course I left out what the cussing side of me really wanted to say. I wanted to say, I am maybe too big for  intermediate. My ass is the size of Brazil and my stamina is an embarrassment.

He then told me that most students need a longer time to nail that inversion pose.

"You need time. You need to give yourself time."

He then told me that some students take a longer time than the others, but that is no reason for anyone to give up. He assured me that with daily practice on all the basic asanas, that shirsasana will come.

He suggested that I come in for the intermediate class at least twice a week. He told me that the first few times are always tough, but I have to start somewhere.

In the car, I was thinking about the conversation.

4 months ago, when I decided to quit gym and to pursue yoga and attended my first class at the studio, I was a mess. my salutations were shaky, as I was only exposed to half past ten yoga classes in the gym before this.

Without a teacher, my self studies at home based on YouTube videos, were not sufficient.

No one was there to correct my trikonasana alignments, or to teach me how to open my heart in bhujangasana.

I was in the dark ages.

But now, I can do all the surya namaskars with my eyes closed, I know when to inhale and exhale, and I know a bit of the sanskrit names.

He was right, my guru. I just need to give myself time, cut myself some slack, and keep on practicing.

With Love, Namaste.

Ayu

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Dating a Yogi for idiots...

Courtesy of Doyouyoga.com


Everytime I go out on dates (The number has been decreasing, lately), I am thoroughly amused by men's reaction when I told them that I practice Yoga.

It goes from lewd sexually charged remarks to an awkward reception, that look on their face wondering whether I would be up for sex in weird positions or that I might be drinking my own pee every morning.

The only thing that can help this situation that I am in, would be, to date a man who does Yoga.

And O my Universe, is it HARD!

First of all, for some reason, people associate Yogis with homosexuality, mainly because it had, for a long time now, been known as a discipline for chicks. Let me assure you, that, while technically, it is not entirely wrong, there are straight cuties who do Yoga, and embrace it, with passion. For an example, Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Sting and Chris Martin from Coldplay are among the hotties who do Yoga.





The male population is still slowly turning around from this notion, but in Malaysia, this together with the whole 'religious' limitation on Yoga, I am thinking, it may take us another decade... nay... century ... for our local males to change their perception on Yoga.

However, it is still difficult to find a Yogi who wouldn't mind dating me, who is still working on being extra bendy and has a bit more cushion on my ass than all the other Yoginis.

Secondly, the fact that I am, sort of... a 'Bad Yogini' does not help. I do not want to date a Yogi who is a nut. I don't enunciate my vowels when I speak, and I don't always act ... enlightened.

I am human, I have my ups and downs. I can't 'float-on-a-clouds-in-flowy-yoga-pants-and-Mala-Beads-wrapped' all the time.

I am sarcastic, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. I am not everyone's cup of chai.

But, I love the fact that almost all of the yogis I dated (2 so far) are open minded, managed to tingle my orange chakra with their sexy shirtless Shirsasanas and are in total acceptance of my overall personality, which is not 100% yogic.

Nothing serious, for now. I am not rushing. I still have about a thousand more poses to attempt. Learning everyday, and will still be on the lookout for that one person who would be able to complement me, as a person.

And.. he doesn't even have to be a Yogi, to be honest. :)

He is just required to have a good understanding on my passion for Yoga, and leave me and my practice alone. ;)

Namaste, and with Love.

Ayu

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Yoga in a dress?

Oh yes I can.

No good will come out from waging a dare with me.


Really, I have done yoga in a bikini once, doing it in a dress is piece of cake!

Of course, because of limited space, I can't demonstrate any other pose here, and hey, I can't do inversions or anything like that because it is a dress, but, with some of the poses. of course you can do it, in a dress.

SOOOOOOO.... you owe me a meal Rog!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Life is what you make of it.

As a young woman, I used to think that happiness comes with a few pre-requisites.

Most of the pre-requisites that I believed in include other people.

Like, finding a man, falling in love with him, marrying him, and having kids with him.

These pre-requisites were my life priorities.

Back then.

I am 354 now. I am older, none the wiser.

But I know NOW that to be happy, I don't need anyone else.

Happiness comes from within. I wasn't happy back then. I was miserable. And this was as recent as a few months ago.

It was also the time when I decided to claim my life back and start being happy, on my own terms, other people... excluded.

I have a good head on my shoulders. If people can't see that, then it's their lost, not mine. If you can't see past my aloofness and start to judge me based on how I dress and how I put my trust in the universe and not religion, that's your problem.

Not mine. And I don't know you well enough to make it my problem.

Namaste, and go with love people, go with love.

Ayu


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I am going numb

Earlier today, I was... a bit... numb.

Mentally, I was hating the fact that I am not able to yoga, as it is my second Moon day.

I did restorative poses this morning and 6 rounds of traditional Surya Namaskara. I would love to do some inversions, to work on my headstand, etc.

But I can't. 1st, I do not have the energy, 2nd, I was having my lady cramps, and it was not fun, and 3rd, I literally felt like slapping someone.

Not good for yoga, yeap, I was not good for yoga at all.

Anyway, back to earlier today, the numbness.

I was driving back when I had that sudden need to actually, cry. To cry my eyes out. I didn't have anything specific to cry about, but, I was, all of the sudden, choked up.

Can't really understand what was going on, but I stopped by the road, and cried.

My tears were streaming down my face. I was still looking for the actual reason for the crying.

I was happy, I paid my bills, did French pedicure and I had cake.

Cakes fix everything.

Tears of joy? It was definitely not tears of sadness, because I was not ... sad.

But I was numb. I felt stuck, I felt like I am in a cocoon of numbness.

I need yoga. I need to zone out. I need to sarvangasana like noone's business, for 3 minutes. I need to clear this... numbness out of my system.

Namaste, and Love,

Ayu

Friday, March 1, 2013

Crystal Mojo

In the spirit of experimentation, for my 34th birthday, I asked my best friend for crystals.

He is a believer in crystal healing, and I love semi precious Magic stones.So I thought, what the hell, I'll give it a try.

We went to a holistic healing center that also sells crystals and provides expert crystal consultation.

And I guess, in that blur, sleepy headiness as I had less than 5 hours of sleep, I was gradually drawn to a pendant :


This pendant is a combination of Rhodonite and Morganite (I was told).

Apparently, my being drawn to it meant that it called out to me, my energy.

During the consultation, I was asked, what do I want the crystal to do for me. This was before I picked this one out.

I had a very rough day at work the night before, so I said I want to find peace of mind, because I was feeling so tired mentally from a double whammy on attendance and quality.

"And... love... I guess." I figured, buy crystal with a free happy meal toy of a boyfriend can't be bad.

The consultant looked at the collection of gemstones that they have, and reached out to the pendant, because I told them that I want to wear it on my person as often as I can.

I was told that because it is a pendant, it will help in giving me peace and also love, as it is worn on the heart chakra.

And in case you have no idea what new age holistic  pseudoscience mumbo jumbo I am talking about, below is a simple outline of Chakras :


I practice yoga, so 'chakras and auras' are words that are all too familiar to me. It is believed that an aligned chakra is the best state of being for a yogi, or any person really.

DO I SOUND LIKE A HIPPIE YET?

Haha...

But in all sincerity, there's no harm in trying, like what I said... in the spirit of experimentation, let's grab some crystals and boogie on.

And these will also help with stress, I thought they are so pretty, and holding them with nice lovely thoughts can't be all that bad.


I am not trying this to prove anything. People swear by  it, and I might think differently.  I am putting my sarcasm and my tendency to be a skeptic aside.

Live life, believe a little. ;)

Namaste and with Love,

Ayu