Saturday, June 5, 2010

Screw ups

I have been in a lot of emotional fuckups.

When I was younger, I used to take everything hard. I was an emotional twat. (Hard to believe isn't it?)

After sometime, it just seemed the same, and to describe it in a single word, tiresome.

It's tiring to be cheated on, tiring to like someone, tiring to explain myself to anyone else, tiring to care for someone, tiring to love someone, tiring to even expect someone to be concerned over your issues.

Just... tiring.

So now, I am just concentrating on myself.

But then when it comes to close friends, I am there for them. Most of my friends take my approach kindly.

My approach had always been to suck it up, move on. All the other approach ie : getting drunk and drugged was just not working.

Things are not going to be solved even if you cry out buckets.

Depression? Suicidal? Heck, I have been there. It was tiring to be brooding, dark and have this 'I want to kill myself because someone did something bad to me' notion 24-7.

And yes... things are going to stay the same, and you will do more harm than good to your own body.

I confronted a friend for being all emotional. Turned out he was depressed because of personal issues. I said if you have issues, problems, talk it out. Depression can only be handled by talking about it, not hiding it.

I guess when you come to be my age, your perspective changes. However not everyone takes things like me.

My friend cried... and then afterwards, we went to have breakfast, talk it out... and it was fixed.

Mind you, it's not because I insisted / cajoled him to talking about it. It was because he made the decision to talk to me. Or else, it won't work.

When something is bothering me, I turn to my friends. I talk to them, and by the end of the talk, I would have moved on. My so called 'emotional breakdowns' now can no longer go beyond 24 hours.

I figured if I keep this up, I might lose out on a lot of things out there. I don't want that to happen. I am not one to lose out on life. Life should be full. It can be full with or without a man. All I need are friends, friends who care about me, genuinely. Who will give me the goods whether I am going to agree with it or not.

I believe friends don't butter things up for a friend if they really care. They will only butter up when they just don't care.

As for me, I would only help people who want to help themselves. If I offered the first time around, and you rejected it, that would be the last time I am offering to help.

Yes... I am straightforward like that. I don't beat around the bush, I don't color a boulder with rainbow colors. I give you reality and advise as it is...

At least it is better than my other friend's approach.

"Here... rat poison. You feel suicidal? You want to die that much. Go ahead."


  1. utterly cold but very honest. seriously, i hate people who make themselves look so pathetic and they seem to be unconscious about it. like grow up la...

    hehe... i pulak yang emo ;P

  2. Ntahla... recently I feel kind of 'tired' (That's the most suitable word that I can use) of these things.

    Especially being one who wanted to help and was shut down by people. I don't help by saying oh.. welll it will be alright... here have a frikkin beer... things will be ok bla bla bla. Things will only be ok if you want it to be ok.

    They will say that I don't know what they are going through. If only they KNEW what I have to struggle through... beranikah nak berkata apa2?

    To me, unless someone died, it is something that anybody can bounce from. Ini terbalik pulak, the ppl who just lost their loved ones boleh2 je move on, yang masalah tak sebesar mana complaining tak bleh...

  3. This is where I'm different. I love talking about anything and everything, except on matters close to my heart. I'd rather swallow and sort things out myself than share it with someone else.

    The problem with sharing is it gives you this warm fuzzy feeling about that person you shared with that sometimes gets miscontrued as 'love'. I hate that. Especially when I'm the listener.

  4. Izso;

    0_o... even with guys???? heh???

  5. With guys... some turn gay this way. Or think they are anyway. But guys don't talk to me. And thank god for that