Get up

Sometimes I would be driving around with a blank head.

No destination, no purpose, no intention.

Nothing…

I just keep my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel without deciding on a single place to go to.

What was whirring in my head is something else altogether.

It’s the weary feel of a hectic day, of being all decked up in your working clothes still after 6 PM, not wanting to join the happy hour daily with the rest of my friends over at some pub with sucky parking lots, not wanting to be alone but yet, not wanting to talk so much.

I make phone calls, on times like these. I make one after another of those “Hi, so how’s life?” conversation.

Even after two hours of driving to nowhere, I would still be driving around, with no specific place in mind.

Deep inside I admit that I was frustrated, I was depressed and I was sad of not having anything to look forward to at the end of the day. And I know I was offended by what someone told me over the phone, and I don’t think I could get over it, well… not now anyway.

Just look at it this way, I don’t have expectations like the rest of the women my age. I don’t expect to find someone who could complement me and be with me through what may come, I don’t expect myself getting married and having a wedding. What I have now, is what I get by myself.

After what happened earlier this year, it’s getting harder and harder to let someone in.

And the thought of moving out from this house is far more tempting than ever. The prospect of tendering that resignation letter seems attractive.

When I finally touched down, had my shower, took my vitamins, did my push ups and crunches and after my nightly stand on the scale, watching the needle stagger almost reluctantly to a kilo lesser that was achieved only by starving myself, I try to flush it all away by sleeping it off, of course after I get my dose of creativity from the latest literatures I bought.

And then after a good night sleep, I landed back on earth and winged back to reality.

Hey, that’s life.