Sunday, August 5, 2007

Desperate Independence?

Someone told me that his ‘independent’ girlfriend wants marriage. He doesn’t want it.

I looked at him in disbelief.

“You sure she is independent?” I chuckled.

“Yeah, why?”

“Because if she is independent, then she shouldn’t want marriage all that much. All the more with someone who doesn’t want it.”

Independent women loosely defined are those who are completely competent and able to take care of themselves. Although we do want some things that are defined mostly as trivial (marriage, relationship… etc) we won’t tell people that and we wont insist. We have this understood universal motto;

‘Whatever will happen, will happen, whatever will not, will not. In the meantime, enjoy life and stop sulking!’

How I know this was when I got together with a couple of single girlfriends a few weeks back and the conversation turned from our love affair with our brand new boyfriends (One just got herself a Beemer, one a MyVi, and yours truly, my Wiwa) to men.

“Akak givap nok.” Said the Beemer owner.

“I have achieved so much in my life already. I don’t need someone who will dictate how my life should be.” Said the MyVi owner.

“Lerr… having a baluk doesn’t mean your life will be dictated la teks!” I (The Wiwa owner) said. I was in my ‘defend the extinct species (men included)’ mood.

This is not to imply that women who want marriage are not at all independent as I believe they are independent in their own way but their need for such trivialities set them apart from hardcore independent women, who would usually only want relationships for the physical benefits it offers. Marriage is fine, just as long as they feel it’s the right thing to do.

But to push for marriage knowing the guy was having qualms about the whole matrimonial bullshit… hardly. That’s not independent, that’s only a woman being a woman.

Some men would say that independent women are only living in denial. In the end it all boils down to nature, as intended. Women need men, and vice versa. The whole corporate glitz and career building front is only excuses, when deep inside, they (independent women) know that they need them (men).

Well, the reason we surround ourselves with this whole ‘denial clout’ is because a woman needs one man, and men need MORE than one woman. Some of us need to have a life, outside of the relationship, lest you fancy getting choked and eventually suffocated. A cheating boyfriend and a clingy bloke is not exactly an attractive option.

That’s why although we do sometimes get weary (see music video and listen to the words) we would rather sip our coffee and me personally, my mocha, at Starbucks talking about our new ride, bought with our own hard earned money. Maybe one of us would find someone who would prove us wrong but until then, we are independent, and we don’t want marriage, at least not now.


  1. the last time i heard such story.. the guy called off the relationship..

  2. which story, the independent woman or the wanting marriage story??

    on a good note i could not even e dumped.. eh.. waaait a minute...