??????!

The last time I was out on dates was, 2 and a half years ago.

I am not fucking kidding.

Needless to say, those dates didn't go well. From the pretentious yuppy to the lawyer who had a death grip on his exes, I was doomed to endure 2 hours of mental torture.

6 times. With different yuppies, lawyers and overpaid executives.

The result? I would rather torture myself physically by undertaking circuit training at the gym. At least, I get skinnier.

I sort of found someone online. (This would be the perfect time for me to dig a hole in the ground and start burying my entire head in). Needless to say, he is not local.

Funny but somehow, I can actually take his approach. When it comes to online dating (Egad!), there are a few things that, tick me off.

1) When someone messaged me and said 'Hi. You are beautiful'. How stupid can someone be? No Idea. Me beautiful? Sure. I know people get horny but heck no need to LIE!

2) When someone messaged me using multiple abbreviations  in a sentence.

3) When someone messaged me with 'a/s/l?'... what are we? In kindergarten?

4) When someone messaged me and even from the message, the person seemed to come on too strong. WTF?

5) When the picture on the profile shows too much skin (be it tight pecs or saggy busoms).

6) When the picture on the profile shows anything else other than a human being.

So this guy, seemed decent enough to not make stupid jokes, to not make horrendous typos, to not sound like a juvenile adult. We exchanged numbers and we talked for over 1 hour on the phone. I actually 'liked' talking to him. He was funny and ... interesting. At the end of the conversation, he requested that if I decided that I didn't like him on the phone, to text him with an honest statement indicating my lack of interest in him.

So that we would be able to not waste time.

For a minute there, I thought I was going soft!

We then set up a date.

That was last weekend.

But I was flabbergasted, I was fidgeting. I was... in a word :

SCARED.

Consider this for a second.

I have been single for almost 3 years. All my past relationships were nightmares, almost all of the relationships I had, ruined me.

I have so far, succeeded in gathering what's left of my dignity, and move on.

I was happy to reject those I dated before because I didn't actually 'like' them.

And here I am, 'liking' this person. This person who I never actually met in real life!

I don't like it. I have a problem with it. I feel like life is screwing around with me again.

Fuck.

So I was putting it off. The date asked me if I am able to meet him at Pavilion. I told him that I had gym and might not have the time.

Krishna was nagging me to oblivion when I told him about it. And so, wanting to get it over and done with, I told The date that I am ok to meet him afterall.

And then I had to send my car to the workshop when the engine light came on.

We rescheduled. But really, I was relieved. I was glad that it didn't happen.

Thousands of things went riot in my head. As you can make out by now, I don't like people easily, much less men I don't know. So when something weird like this happened, I don't know how to handle it.

The only way I know how is to run the fuck away.

I am no stranger to unrequited interest. I know how it feels like to care / like / worst, love someone who doesn't see me the way I see him. Case in point, NSA.

It was not fun. It pulled my pride and ego and sucked me into the black hole that was depression.

And then God, of all things pulled me back standing on my two feet last Sunday and told me, after he spiritually slap me at the back of my head :

"IT IS JUST A DATE, STUPID. I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO MARRY HIM."

I went, ok. Just a date.

So let's see what happen then. It is, just a stupid date.