Sunday, September 13, 2009

Very complicated predicament

What would you do when you discover that you click with someone, he might just be the soulmate you are looking for and that someone is hundreds and thousands of miles away?

I never believed in long distance relationship. It sits right next to love at first sight. I just don't have much faith in things that sounds a bit... far fetched. Long distance is far fetched.

I have many times tried to dabble in long distance relationship. When the last of it kind of just, went down like that, I decided that this theory was tried and tested as something that would never work.

I wouldn't think twice about moving to another country because of work. However when it comes to moving to another country because of someone or to put it in an even cornier way, because of 'love', I have my reservations.

I mean, I couldn't even make a relationship that I am involved in physically here work, how in the fucking hell can I make something work without me physically being there? Regardless if the two of us really are gung - ho about making it work, I still think that it is a bit too far fetched. It is something that I am not willing to try, subconsciously.

There's this what if thing reeling over and over again in my head about this.

What if I decided one day to leave everything I have here to move to a strange country to be with someone and then found out that things are not going to work out and somehow, I wake up alone and miserable and regretting my decision and having to live with that decision now that it didn't work?

I am not the kind of person who would sacrifice my wellbeing just to go berserk and romantic. There was always an underlying reason why I do certain things. I moved to KL in the first place because of the career opportunity. Along with that, I was in a so called relationship with a bastard (well now I know he is one) and was at the same time trying to make 'that' work.

Strangest thing about that was that, I decided to call that shit off because it seemed we drifted away from each other more now that I was physically at the same location. I took it in my stride when I discovered that the thing we thought we had was really a big sodding joke and I was wasting my time trying to make it work.

At the end of it all, I never regretted moving up to KL. My career jumped off, I made some personal decision and is physically changing myself and I have a more open approach to things in general. I found out who are my friends and who are not and I am glad I did.

But then, loneliness makes one do very, unpredictable actions. I don't know. I will just leave it to fate for this one. *Shrugs*


  1. babe, when it comes to a relationship, it is about making things work. you cannot get yourself all worked up about worries and what ifs... you just have to 'do'. that way, you won't be asking yourself in the future ALL the 'what ifs'. the best thing about this is, your conscience is free when you tell yourself that you've tried your best, regardless if it works or not.

    i guess in a relationship, there's give and take and you always have to think of the other person. that doesn't mean you've gone all soggy and romantic/hopeless. it's just a strange requirement where one sucks in their egos and whatnot.

    you can't have too many limitations because that would deter you from seeing the positive side of things. once you like something, you try and if that doesn't work, you shouldn't beat yourself up. instead, pat yourself in the back for at least trying. and if you decide not to, you should also stop torturing yourself by having too many questions since you cannot answer them unless you tried. just like your move from JB to KL, you can only see the light once you're open to chances.

    good luck.

  2. Moving to KL can't have been that bad. But then again the food in JB is better.

    Anyway - how do you know your soulmate is who he says he is if he's a hundred thousand miles away? How do you click with someone who's not here?

  3. Juan,

    ish... I don't really about this. I have too many bad experiences as far as relationships are concerned. As much as I want to be left alone, sometimes I can't stand to be alone, and that becomes a problem when you realized that it is a problem. *sigh*


    well... there are two types are people as far as I am concerned; 1) some people who is fortunate enough to have their life figured out for them

    2) some people who doesn't.

    I fall to #2. I am trying to not think about that too much.

    Agree about the food in JB. Never mind that I can only eat very small portions of it now anyway.