... is not feeling hopeful. Still feels like there's a lump stuck in my throat and the only way to get it out is to scream my lungs out and collapse. Also feels like a bullet train, heading towards the great wall. Feels all sense of disappointment, betrayal and frustration. I need to do yoga.
Pretty heavy, yes... but everything has an underlying reason behind it.
I think I have mentioned how I have been feeling extremely burned out these past few days. It's not the job that's pulling me down, it mainly has something to do with the people I am supporting.
One of my bosses said something that made nothing but pure sense :
"At the end of the day, managers had to beg, steal and even kill (metaphorically) to get people to come in for the work that they are getting paid for. As opposed to what people would think, the managers of any organization are actually the lower level people, not the person who has the 'manager' title. We (managers) are working for them... not the other way around."
I have never been able to sleep during the weekdays. I shudder at the sound of my phone beeping or ringing. I dread hearing my staff saying that for some reason, over the weekend, they caught the flu and had to take time out for that day.
I go to the gym to make sure I am fit enough for work on Monday. Sure, every normal person would sometimes prefer to stay at home and to give the finger to the office, but... in the end, it's your rice bowl, your ends so that your needs are met.
So you will be able to purchase silly whims of vanity or ego at the end of the month.
So forgive me for saying that I cannot relate to people taking MCs at all. I never want to ever get sick and am trying everything to avoid being sick. Heck... I even come in when I am sick.
I was labeled as being inhumane just because I didn't ask one of my staff who holds the record with most sick leaves, how they were doing.
There were a few incidents that might have contributed to my indifference. Plus.. I was in the middle of something when the call came in. Being that I am aloof in nature, asking a person who has been out so many bloody times 'how are you' are just not one of my priorities.
So I told one of my bosses about the incident. My boss shares the same sentiment about being caring / affectionate towards your direct reports.
This is the fact about managers and showing 'genuine concern or affection'. Most managers suck at it. Some are really good at it. But most... would prefer to show it by approving leaves and upping your bonus, which seemed like a way better option compared to asking 'how are you' and then bitch about the employee.
I CAN, of course be wrong about this.