Pre-Birthday Ramblings; 3 days until 'IT'

Hours spent in front of the lap top – 12 .

Hours spent sitting lotus style at one corner of the room – 5.

Having an article approved from the fickle minded editor friend without having to get laid (Goodness me, I AM NORMAL AFTERALL!!) – PRICELESS.

Sarcy was, for a brief moment, out of her brooding mood and came up with a fairly feminist, funny, and feel good motivational article. Not too bad considering Sarcy is overwhelmed with pessimism for the past few months.
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Eh… I do have a life, okeh? Just that you guys don’t see it.

I just thought, it was about time I shared it with someone and that person screwed it up, therefore, I am seen as someone that doesn’t have one.

So, if to ;

SHARE YOUR LIFE = NOT HAVING A LIFE

I think I would be better off not sharing it with anyone.

This was my short and sweet email to Mabes, one of my great friends whom I don’t think I will get to see in a long time.

Sarc,

Then what about Phil Da Fling? He sounds nice?

This was her email this morning upon signing into my Gmail.

I replied;

Mabes,

He is a FLING. Geddit. Don’t call me. Sarc is gonna be inaccessible until Sunday morning 10.00 am.
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I AM HAPPY

I AM NOT ANGRY

I AM BEAUTIFUL

I AM INTELLIGENT

I AM SMART

My Mantra that I stick on to my dresser to be chanted every morning.

Yeah… keep telling yourself that Sarc. It might drive you to hell one day.
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On being driven…

The last time I felt really inspired to do something was during my KL days.

I was driven to find a job, I was driven to make RM9k at one kill, I was driven to do everything I wanted to do back then.

The only thing I wasn’t driven to do was to settle down. I rejected lots of nice guys, foiling their attempts to know me and ended up with an expat who seems to enjoy shredding my heart and pride to pieces.

I know some women who enjoy the company of people who hurt them. I dread to think that I could be one of them.

This expat called me sometime last year. All I said to him was go to fucking hell.

To have my drive back, I need to make a u-eey and speed off from the sorry state that I am currently in.

Regrets, plenty. Motivation, a bit. Hope, it’s not high, but it’s efficient enough to fuel me throughout what’s remaining of my life now.
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Phil,

I know you are reading my blog now. I would have to consider changing my URL again then.

Thanks for your email. As sweet as it sounds, I don’t think it’s a go for the both of us, even as flings.
In this condition, I am more prone to hurting your feelings, to the extent of putting you down constantly because I see it as a chance for me to do what my ex has done to me.

Retributional acts, unfair ones, you might say.

That can’t be good to a man’s ego can it? I need to deflate yours to inflate mine.

Thank you for the book, The Pursuit of Happiness. I will always treasure it. Maybe our paths will cross each other’s again. Maybe not.

Either way, I am fine with it.

You can call me a Drama Queen, you can call me whatever. I know there’s someone out there who fits you better. Someone taller, someone prettier, someone who is not so fucked up.

Cheers!

Your EX Fling, Sarcy.