Sarcy’s not maternal, and that is it. Sarcy is not family oriented either and would rather spend her time alone than with her family.
That is a fact.
Subconsciously, when I told the many exes I had that all I wanted was a long term relationship with no promise of a marriage whatsoever was because I don’t want to be in any position to have a kid or a family.
And it’s not that the idea of someone who is willing to go down on their knees pleading with a diamond ring doesn’t appeal to me, but I am beginning to think that I will not have the chance of going through all that like how other women would.
As for my maternal instincts, I have had experiences whereby I happened to be in touch with it. Overwhelming hormonal imbalance made me think about having a baby, even getting married and be a housewife, sometimes. Thankfully, that selfish, arrogant and repulsive side of me comes knocking just in time to wake me up.
See, I grew up tending to my younger siblings. I cooked for them, iron their uniforms and during those times when they were still potty training, I will always be the one who my Mum would shout at to make sure that everything is taken care of. Since both of my parents were working, I was the one who had to make sure that everything was taken care of at home, lest I want a good scolding from my Mum for not getting things done. Though, I would get one even when everything was done.
At the age of 12, I begin to wonder why was my life different from my classmates who had it all easy and why didn’t I have the luxury to not be shouted at half of the time. I was never cuddled, was never hugged and was never kissed. When I did get that kind of attention from my aunts, I felt awkward and would usually move away.
As a result of that, I was aching to get out of the house. At the age of 15, I went away to a boarding school, much to my Mum’s disapproval and when I reached 19, I moved to KL and stayed there for 4 years. I came back because I decided on becoming a part of them.
It is not working.
I do love my family, but we are different. I don’t think like they do, and I like my privacy. Mine is not so much dysfunctional because I think I am actually the dysfunctional one in the family. I am unable to connect with them, my flesh and blood.
Sometimes I told myself that if I am ever going to have kids, (Or one), I will not treat them the way I was treated, in hopes that things would turn out to be different. I would not want to make another me.
Sometimes, I would just decide to not have any, save me the unnecessary pain.
Most times, I would just leave it to God. Whatever goes.
That is a fact.
Subconsciously, when I told the many exes I had that all I wanted was a long term relationship with no promise of a marriage whatsoever was because I don’t want to be in any position to have a kid or a family.
And it’s not that the idea of someone who is willing to go down on their knees pleading with a diamond ring doesn’t appeal to me, but I am beginning to think that I will not have the chance of going through all that like how other women would.
As for my maternal instincts, I have had experiences whereby I happened to be in touch with it. Overwhelming hormonal imbalance made me think about having a baby, even getting married and be a housewife, sometimes. Thankfully, that selfish, arrogant and repulsive side of me comes knocking just in time to wake me up.
See, I grew up tending to my younger siblings. I cooked for them, iron their uniforms and during those times when they were still potty training, I will always be the one who my Mum would shout at to make sure that everything is taken care of. Since both of my parents were working, I was the one who had to make sure that everything was taken care of at home, lest I want a good scolding from my Mum for not getting things done. Though, I would get one even when everything was done.
At the age of 12, I begin to wonder why was my life different from my classmates who had it all easy and why didn’t I have the luxury to not be shouted at half of the time. I was never cuddled, was never hugged and was never kissed. When I did get that kind of attention from my aunts, I felt awkward and would usually move away.
As a result of that, I was aching to get out of the house. At the age of 15, I went away to a boarding school, much to my Mum’s disapproval and when I reached 19, I moved to KL and stayed there for 4 years. I came back because I decided on becoming a part of them.
It is not working.
I do love my family, but we are different. I don’t think like they do, and I like my privacy. Mine is not so much dysfunctional because I think I am actually the dysfunctional one in the family. I am unable to connect with them, my flesh and blood.
Sometimes I told myself that if I am ever going to have kids, (Or one), I will not treat them the way I was treated, in hopes that things would turn out to be different. I would not want to make another me.
Sometimes, I would just decide to not have any, save me the unnecessary pain.
Most times, I would just leave it to God. Whatever goes.
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