I have learnt first hand that alcohol and nicotine poison your frame of mind.
Sure, it gave you an awesome feeling at first. That feeling of losing control over everything. Temporary subliminal rush.
After that, came the hangovers, the puking and the stomach discomfort, plus, the smelly hair, fingers, breath and every other part that you call your body.
Plus all the money wasted just so you can have a bit of that temporary bliss.
And then there were men.
Men lulled women into a false sense of security. I guess that's what falling in love is all about.
At least to me.
Hence the term... FALLING in love.
But men are just one of the things you can't live without, but can't bear to live with. (Cliched but true.)
Oh well... I am sleepy... very sleepy... had 3 hours of sleep yesterday. I am seeing stars... oh wait... those are spots....
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
We go 'Crub-bing'
The Shoes
The dress
The 'crub'-er mate
The 'crub'
The crowd and bartender(s)
'Crub' grub
Our poison--> Kahlua and Long Island Tea.
Intoxicated pic #1
Intoxicated pic #2
Okay... I bet you guys are going HUH????? now innit?
Well it all started when I came into the office on Friday night wearing a halter long maxi dress :
This one...
One of the staff went :
"Wah... bet at midnight Sarc's gonna turn off the lights and turn on the music."
Me : "Huh?"
"Yeah... you look like you are set to party in the club."
Krishna actually stood up and said :
"People don't club in THAT!!"
Another guy said the same thing, that I look like I wanted to go out clubbing, when I had on a long dress! Sure it's halter neck, but bear in mind, I put on a cardigan after some time because I am in the office.
I am just baffled and is wondering whether anyone actually go clubbing in a long maxi dress before. I have NEVER seen anyone doing that before.
My idea of a clubbing attire? Short dress, killer heels, killer make up ... AND BLING ya'll.
Just because it's a tube dress... doesn't mean it's made for 'crubbing' okay?
And I don't club often. I have done all the 'crub-ing' one can do in a life time. The last time I went clubbing? This was what I wore :
Painful heels and a decent non - slutty dress. (I can go sluttier but I have done all that 10 years ago.)
And of course... proper 'crubbing' bling and make-up :
And people don't do this in 'crubs' too :
Friday, June 11, 2010
I want to go to beautiful...
I fell in love with India Arie's beautiful style of music when she debuted with her awesome Grammy nominated album, 'Acoustic Soul'.
Around the same time, a lot of things were happening all at once. I took solace in her music.
She has a voice that can soothe frazzled nerves. My favorite song on the album was (And still is ) Beautiful.
This verse hits me like a rock :
'Please understand, that it's not that I don't care..'
'But right now these walls closing in on me...'
'I love you more than I love life itself...'
'But I need to find a place where I can breathe...'
Sometimes I just want to get away, run away to somewhere where noone knows me, noone questions me, because I just want to be on my own. To breathe life in as God intended it to be.
My family especially always thought that when I don't call them (For the record, I am not exactly a family kind of person. Instead, I am a very private person. Shows of affection in our family had been very limited. Even saying 'I love you' to my family members is strenous... it is just something that's not done.) that I don't care.
That said, it's not in my nature to call and ask how are they doing and stuff. I know they are fine (They are on FB) and I am just bad at asking stuff that I know the answers to; ie ... Q : So how are things? -- A : Fine; Q : When are you coming back? -- A : End of the month...
And stuff.
It makes me feel awkward, in a strange way.
Most of the time I am busy, but sometimes, I just want to be alone. For real.
But seriously, this song is a song I must have on my Yoga playlist. I don't go well with the typical humdrum of oriental instrumental shit, it gives me a negative vibe. I will just keep on cursing under my breath while trying the 'trying' yoga positions because it sounded corny as hell.
For updates on my prep for the run in July, you guys can head on to the 'Mari Kita Bersenam' link I have on the sidebar (Yes... I still don't have any clue how to put links here.)
This blog will be (hopefully) concentrating on my quest to have a real vacation. Something that's going to intrigue more than just the typical things I have always done on vacations.
I am going back to my rough and tumble nature. Dirt, hiking, surviving with limited pairs of underwear and sleeping under the stars in a sleeping bag surrounded by sulphur (I HATE SNAKES!), covered in insect repellant from head to toe.
Anyway... Have a great weekend everyone! The next update would be very soon. (I think.;))
Around the same time, a lot of things were happening all at once. I took solace in her music.
She has a voice that can soothe frazzled nerves. My favorite song on the album was (And still is ) Beautiful.
This verse hits me like a rock :
'Please understand, that it's not that I don't care..'
'But right now these walls closing in on me...'
'I love you more than I love life itself...'
'But I need to find a place where I can breathe...'
Sometimes I just want to get away, run away to somewhere where noone knows me, noone questions me, because I just want to be on my own. To breathe life in as God intended it to be.
My family especially always thought that when I don't call them (For the record, I am not exactly a family kind of person. Instead, I am a very private person. Shows of affection in our family had been very limited. Even saying 'I love you' to my family members is strenous... it is just something that's not done.) that I don't care.
That said, it's not in my nature to call and ask how are they doing and stuff. I know they are fine (They are on FB) and I am just bad at asking stuff that I know the answers to; ie ... Q : So how are things? -- A : Fine; Q : When are you coming back? -- A : End of the month...
And stuff.
It makes me feel awkward, in a strange way.
Most of the time I am busy, but sometimes, I just want to be alone. For real.
But seriously, this song is a song I must have on my Yoga playlist. I don't go well with the typical humdrum of oriental instrumental shit, it gives me a negative vibe. I will just keep on cursing under my breath while trying the 'trying' yoga positions because it sounded corny as hell.
For updates on my prep for the run in July, you guys can head on to the 'Mari Kita Bersenam' link I have on the sidebar (Yes... I still don't have any clue how to put links here.)
This blog will be (hopefully) concentrating on my quest to have a real vacation. Something that's going to intrigue more than just the typical things I have always done on vacations.
I am going back to my rough and tumble nature. Dirt, hiking, surviving with limited pairs of underwear and sleeping under the stars in a sleeping bag surrounded by sulphur (I HATE SNAKES!), covered in insect repellant from head to toe.
Anyway... Have a great weekend everyone! The next update would be very soon. (I think.;))
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
It was a dark and stormy night...
... I was alone in the apartment.
My housemates were out and I just got back from my Banana leaf rice session with my gay and gal pal.
It was literally a dark and stormy night. When we were at Bangsar, it wasn't quite dark but it was stormy. My gal pal got knocked on the head with an empty cutleries basket. It just flung out of nowhere.
And I was trying to withstand the howling wind in my tube dress. Not surprisingly, I was shivering, cursing to myself.
Yeah... of ALL days, why must I choose to be in a tube dress TONIGHT???
It was only dark when I arrived at home.
My apartment's doors has this tendency to open on their own. It has something to do with the loose knobs (I hope).
And they creak.
I am quite used to it but when you are alone in a three room somewhat spacious apartment, your imagination gets the better of yourself.
I consider myself quite gutsy. Sometimes stupidly gutsy.
When I was still a team lead, when my division's office was still based on ground floor (Well we called it the dungeon because it has no windows, which made it kind of looked like a basement.) I had to come alone to the office one Sunday as I was a part of a systems test they are conducting.
I was alone. The cubicles were the color of Laker's yellow and purple (Don't ask) and it was about 6 foot high. There was this small room that we fondly refer to as the printer room right next to my boss's room at that time. It was accessible by my team and the other division operating on the same floor.
I heard someone calling my name. It sounded so close. Like it was standing behind me.
I was not thinking of anything, I stood up, looked around and walked to the door and also peered to the printer room.
And then I realized that I was not supposed to do that.
Old people say, that if you get those kinds of things happening to you, people calling your name despite you knowing that you were in fact alone, you don't go and look for it, you don't speak of it, you just don't react to it.
I did the opposite.
So I went back to my cubicle, sat down and murmured under my breath :
"Dahlah tu... jangan la kacau. Aku keje bukan main." (Enough already, don't disturb me, I am working and not playing around."
At the same time was actually reciting verses from the Quran. Verses that my Grandpa told us to recite when we feel something is just not right.
So that night, in the apartment, alone, I heard the door squeaked gently outside. I convinced myself that it was the house, it was the fact that we can hear doors squeaking downstairs in the neighbours apartment as we live in a town house with only 4 units in one floor.
The storm was still raging outside. Thunder and wind.
Nothing happened. Of course when you keep on thinking and telling yourself to not think about it, it would probably not happen.
It's like that saying, if you want it bad enough, you might just get it.
This is hardly something I would want. So it didn't happen.
Lucky for me.
My housemates were out and I just got back from my Banana leaf rice session with my gay and gal pal.
It was literally a dark and stormy night. When we were at Bangsar, it wasn't quite dark but it was stormy. My gal pal got knocked on the head with an empty cutleries basket. It just flung out of nowhere.
And I was trying to withstand the howling wind in my tube dress. Not surprisingly, I was shivering, cursing to myself.
Yeah... of ALL days, why must I choose to be in a tube dress TONIGHT???
It was only dark when I arrived at home.
My apartment's doors has this tendency to open on their own. It has something to do with the loose knobs (I hope).
And they creak.
I am quite used to it but when you are alone in a three room somewhat spacious apartment, your imagination gets the better of yourself.
I consider myself quite gutsy. Sometimes stupidly gutsy.
When I was still a team lead, when my division's office was still based on ground floor (Well we called it the dungeon because it has no windows, which made it kind of looked like a basement.) I had to come alone to the office one Sunday as I was a part of a systems test they are conducting.
I was alone. The cubicles were the color of Laker's yellow and purple (Don't ask) and it was about 6 foot high. There was this small room that we fondly refer to as the printer room right next to my boss's room at that time. It was accessible by my team and the other division operating on the same floor.
I heard someone calling my name. It sounded so close. Like it was standing behind me.
I was not thinking of anything, I stood up, looked around and walked to the door and also peered to the printer room.
And then I realized that I was not supposed to do that.
Old people say, that if you get those kinds of things happening to you, people calling your name despite you knowing that you were in fact alone, you don't go and look for it, you don't speak of it, you just don't react to it.
I did the opposite.
So I went back to my cubicle, sat down and murmured under my breath :
"Dahlah tu... jangan la kacau. Aku keje bukan main." (Enough already, don't disturb me, I am working and not playing around."
At the same time was actually reciting verses from the Quran. Verses that my Grandpa told us to recite when we feel something is just not right.
So that night, in the apartment, alone, I heard the door squeaked gently outside. I convinced myself that it was the house, it was the fact that we can hear doors squeaking downstairs in the neighbours apartment as we live in a town house with only 4 units in one floor.
The storm was still raging outside. Thunder and wind.
Nothing happened. Of course when you keep on thinking and telling yourself to not think about it, it would probably not happen.
It's like that saying, if you want it bad enough, you might just get it.
This is hardly something I would want. So it didn't happen.
Lucky for me.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Fashion
When I was a teenager, I was clueless about fashion.
I was fat, that was the one reason why I stayed away from fashion.
My idea of fashion was comfort. Comfort means short hair, baggy pants and oversized tees.
Owh and did I mention that I was fat?
Growing up, I had a haphazard, rather tumultous fashion sense.
I wanted, for a short period in my early adulthood, wanted to emulate TLC's style. This was way back in 1999. That explained my T-Boz hairstyle and my obsession with satin baggy pyjamas...
I mean, check out their 'inspirational' video on YouTube. (Apparently, they have disabled embedding so I can't put the link here.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0tNO3QFoOE
This video made me
There was also a period of time when I was also obsessed with British India clothes.
Or rather, the clothes that looked like British India, so I had a lot of white cotton long sleeved embroidered tunics that hid my 'spare tires' quite effectively.
And the shoes that I was into. I loved boots, had reservations about high heels and actually had a pair of kitten heels when Kate Moss wore it on the runway at that time.
Now, I am just comfortable in spaghetti straps, tube tops, dresses (Especially tube and maxi dresses.), jeans and capris.
I also think kitten heels are possibly one of the redundant shoe designs. It's not high, and it's not exactly flat too. Unless you weigh a measly 40 KG, it hardly flatters your body and your posture.
I'd rather wear slippers than kitten heels.
To me it is simple. As far as shoes are concerned. When you want to go high... go for high heels and by this I mean, 4 inches and above baybee.
When you want to go flat, go ballerina or 'selipar jamban' (Toilet slippers). When you want to be comfortable, Birkenstocks la. Although 'selipar jamban' can also double up as comfy foot wear.
So nowadays... this is me :
So ... the best advise I can give you on fashion is, it's quite alright to experiment with different styles. When you touch your 30's, that's when you find out what is your essential style.
And also, if you are going shopping, no matter what your gay friends say about your flats, point of the matter is :
Normal women don't go shop in 4 inch heels. No matter how gorgeous they look like on you.
Less you plan to not walk for the whole of the next day.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Screw ups
I have been in a lot of emotional fuckups.
When I was younger, I used to take everything hard. I was an emotional twat. (Hard to believe isn't it?)
After sometime, it just seemed the same, and to describe it in a single word, tiresome.
It's tiring to be cheated on, tiring to like someone, tiring to explain myself to anyone else, tiring to care for someone, tiring to love someone, tiring to even expect someone to be concerned over your issues.
Just... tiring.
So now, I am just concentrating on myself.
But then when it comes to close friends, I am there for them. Most of my friends take my approach kindly.
My approach had always been to suck it up, move on. All the other approach ie : getting drunk and drugged was just not working.
Things are not going to be solved even if you cry out buckets.
Depression? Suicidal? Heck, I have been there. It was tiring to be brooding, dark and have this 'I want to kill myself because someone did something bad to me' notion 24-7.
And yes... things are going to stay the same, and you will do more harm than good to your own body.
I confronted a friend for being all emotional. Turned out he was depressed because of personal issues. I said if you have issues, problems, talk it out. Depression can only be handled by talking about it, not hiding it.
I guess when you come to be my age, your perspective changes. However not everyone takes things like me.
My friend cried... and then afterwards, we went to have breakfast, talk it out... and it was fixed.
Mind you, it's not because I insisted / cajoled him to talking about it. It was because he made the decision to talk to me. Or else, it won't work.
When something is bothering me, I turn to my friends. I talk to them, and by the end of the talk, I would have moved on. My so called 'emotional breakdowns' now can no longer go beyond 24 hours.
I figured if I keep this up, I might lose out on a lot of things out there. I don't want that to happen. I am not one to lose out on life. Life should be full. It can be full with or without a man. All I need are friends, friends who care about me, genuinely. Who will give me the goods whether I am going to agree with it or not.
I believe friends don't butter things up for a friend if they really care. They will only butter up when they just don't care.
As for me, I would only help people who want to help themselves. If I offered the first time around, and you rejected it, that would be the last time I am offering to help.
Yes... I am straightforward like that. I don't beat around the bush, I don't color a boulder with rainbow colors. I give you reality and advise as it is...
At least it is better than my other friend's approach.
"Here... rat poison. You feel suicidal? You want to die that much. Go ahead."
When I was younger, I used to take everything hard. I was an emotional twat. (Hard to believe isn't it?)
After sometime, it just seemed the same, and to describe it in a single word, tiresome.
It's tiring to be cheated on, tiring to like someone, tiring to explain myself to anyone else, tiring to care for someone, tiring to love someone, tiring to even expect someone to be concerned over your issues.
Just... tiring.
So now, I am just concentrating on myself.
But then when it comes to close friends, I am there for them. Most of my friends take my approach kindly.
My approach had always been to suck it up, move on. All the other approach ie : getting drunk and drugged was just not working.
Things are not going to be solved even if you cry out buckets.
Depression? Suicidal? Heck, I have been there. It was tiring to be brooding, dark and have this 'I want to kill myself because someone did something bad to me' notion 24-7.
And yes... things are going to stay the same, and you will do more harm than good to your own body.
I confronted a friend for being all emotional. Turned out he was depressed because of personal issues. I said if you have issues, problems, talk it out. Depression can only be handled by talking about it, not hiding it.
I guess when you come to be my age, your perspective changes. However not everyone takes things like me.
My friend cried... and then afterwards, we went to have breakfast, talk it out... and it was fixed.
Mind you, it's not because I insisted / cajoled him to talking about it. It was because he made the decision to talk to me. Or else, it won't work.
When something is bothering me, I turn to my friends. I talk to them, and by the end of the talk, I would have moved on. My so called 'emotional breakdowns' now can no longer go beyond 24 hours.
I figured if I keep this up, I might lose out on a lot of things out there. I don't want that to happen. I am not one to lose out on life. Life should be full. It can be full with or without a man. All I need are friends, friends who care about me, genuinely. Who will give me the goods whether I am going to agree with it or not.
I believe friends don't butter things up for a friend if they really care. They will only butter up when they just don't care.
As for me, I would only help people who want to help themselves. If I offered the first time around, and you rejected it, that would be the last time I am offering to help.
Yes... I am straightforward like that. I don't beat around the bush, I don't color a boulder with rainbow colors. I give you reality and advise as it is...
At least it is better than my other friend's approach.
"Here... rat poison. You feel suicidal? You want to die that much. Go ahead."
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The...
... good thing about living 5 minutes away from the office is that I can still post an entry even when I am starting work in ... owh.. I don't know 30 mins?
Today, Krishna and I went to KL to find the OCM building on Jalan Hang Jebat.
We had to get instruction from a copper to get there. It turned out that it was right smack to Stadium Merdeka. Do you know that we actually have a national 'bola keranjang' (Basketball) place thingie?
I just found out today, and I am 31!
We went to this unknown and under rated part of KL (Seemed like everyone knows Hang Tuah, and noone knows Hang Jebat, which is a shame because I have always loved Hang Jebat!) to register for the Shape/Men's Health Night Run happening in July. It has only 1500 places available and so I need to get registered as fast as possible.
I have been going to the gym for almost a year now. It would be interesting to find out what all those squats, lunges, jogs plus all the sweat and tears (Oh well... maybe just groans of pain and shit, but never tears) finally does for me!
I roped in a couple of friends to join me in the 5KM run (Yes... oh well... it's a start la), Jade and Mas. So there I was with my bb (and cellphone) talking to my girlfriends asking them about their age and IC number.
Heh...
Apparently, you can go to the FTAAA office at OCM to find out about any runs available for you to take part in, which is interesting, who knows I might be interested to joing a full fledge 13.5 KM marathon run one day (Just typing it makes me breathless!)
I get an RM 5 discount for my registration as I brought my copy of Shape along with me.
I am really looking forward to the run. I am also looking forward to the camping trip as well, I will just have to confirm the arrangements with my hardcore camping partner, Chandra to find out what's happening.
Okay... I will have to go and work to earn the money I am using to make all this possible.
Have a great night everyone!!!
Today, Krishna and I went to KL to find the OCM building on Jalan Hang Jebat.
We had to get instruction from a copper to get there. It turned out that it was right smack to Stadium Merdeka. Do you know that we actually have a national 'bola keranjang' (Basketball) place thingie?
I just found out today, and I am 31!
We went to this unknown and under rated part of KL (Seemed like everyone knows Hang Tuah, and noone knows Hang Jebat, which is a shame because I have always loved Hang Jebat!) to register for the Shape/Men's Health Night Run happening in July. It has only 1500 places available and so I need to get registered as fast as possible.
I have been going to the gym for almost a year now. It would be interesting to find out what all those squats, lunges, jogs plus all the sweat and tears (Oh well... maybe just groans of pain and shit, but never tears) finally does for me!
I roped in a couple of friends to join me in the 5KM run (Yes... oh well... it's a start la), Jade and Mas. So there I was with my bb (and cellphone) talking to my girlfriends asking them about their age and IC number.
Heh...
Apparently, you can go to the FTAAA office at OCM to find out about any runs available for you to take part in, which is interesting, who knows I might be interested to joing a full fledge 13.5 KM marathon run one day (Just typing it makes me breathless!)
I get an RM 5 discount for my registration as I brought my copy of Shape along with me.
The registration stub and the route map of the run. It is happening in Putrajaya and see the red marker on the map? That's our route, the amateur route. the blue one is for the competitive runners.
I am really looking forward to the run. I am also looking forward to the camping trip as well, I will just have to confirm the arrangements with my hardcore camping partner, Chandra to find out what's happening.
Okay... I will have to go and work to earn the money I am using to make all this possible.
Have a great night everyone!!!
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