My FB status for today :

... is not feeling hopeful. Still feels like there's a lump stuck in my throat and the only way to get it out is to scream my lungs out and collapse. Also feels like a bullet train, heading towards the great wall. Feels all sense of disappointment, betrayal and frustration. I need to do yoga.

Pretty heavy, yes... but everything has an underlying reason behind it. 

I think I have mentioned how I have been feeling extremely burned out these past few days. It's not the job that's pulling me down, it mainly has something to do with the people I am supporting. 

One of my bosses said something that made nothing but pure sense : 

"At the end of the day, managers had to beg, steal and even kill (metaphorically) to get people to come in for the work that they are getting paid for. As opposed to what people would think, the managers of any organization are actually the lower level people, not the person who has the 'manager' title. We (managers) are working for them... not the other way around."

I have never been able to sleep during the weekdays. I shudder at the sound of my phone beeping or ringing. I dread hearing my staff saying that for some reason, over the weekend, they caught the flu and had to take time out for that day. 

I go to the gym to make sure I am fit enough for work on Monday. Sure, every normal person would sometimes prefer to stay at home and to give the finger to the office, but... in the end, it's your rice bowl, your ends so that your needs are met. 

So you will be able to purchase silly whims of vanity or ego at the end of the month. 

So forgive me for saying that I cannot relate to people taking MCs at all. I never want to ever get sick and am trying everything to avoid being sick. Heck... I even come in when I am sick. 

I was labeled as being inhumane just because I didn't ask one of my staff who holds the record with most sick leaves, how they were doing.

There were a few incidents that might have contributed to my indifference. Plus.. I was in the middle of something when the call came in. Being that I am aloof in nature, asking a person who has been out so many bloody times 'how are you' are just not one of my priorities. 

So I told one of my bosses about the incident. My boss shares the same sentiment about being caring / affectionate towards your direct reports. 

This is the fact about managers and showing 'genuine concern or affection'. Most managers suck at it. Some are really good at it. But most... would prefer to show it by approving leaves and upping your bonus, which seemed like a way better option compared to asking 'how are you' and then bitch about the employee. 

I CAN, of course be wrong about this. 

Opinions?

Obsessive Compulsive??? Where got???

Because we are about to move to the new place this weekend, my room is currently the total opposite of what it used to be like.

It now looks like something Oscar the Grouch would be comfortable chilling in. It doesn't look like something a so called anal person would approve of.

The reason? Well... I am still in the midst of trying to packing and have not really been sure on where to start.

I have a tonne of clothes, bags, shoes and accessories that reminds me that I really should stop buying anymore of these stuff (Neeeeeever gonna happen) and plus my housemate and I have not even started on packing the kitchen stuff yet.

Think loads of pots and pans and maybe 15 different knives, one pasta pot, a big stock pot and a few of other stuff that we thought was good to have at home when you want to cook.

We don't cook often by the way. I cook pasta most of the time which is like the dumbest thing that you can ever cook.. really.

The thing about packing is that, you kept on asking yourself constantly on why the fudge did you buy certain stuff... like that RM 10 bling tank top with the famous playboy bunny that you hardly wear.

Was I trying to be a bunny? Was I trying to be hip? Was I trying to waste my hard earned RM 10??

I just couldn't figure it out!

Which brings us to the stuff that we still have uneaten in the fridge.

Going according to the rule book of Joyce who strongly believes that to cook rice, you will have to rinse the rice in another separate pot, the fridge would have to be shut down for at least 12 hours before it can be moved.

It has something to do with the compressor and all those big words in the world of refrigeration that I am hardly in need of acquainting myself with.

I have that same expression on my face when Krishna was talking to me about cars and car parts and what nots.

Yeah.. when it has nothing to do with clothes, shoes, belts, make up, computer gadgets, work or me... all other things zone me out.

Anyway, we are supposed to finish off the stuff in the fridge. I have listed out the stuff that we have still yet to eat :

- Balls. Sotong, fish, crab... all kinds of balls... you name it we have it!
- Ayamas fried chicken
- Joyce's German sausages (as in the sausages you eat)
- Frozen peas and carrots and stuff
- Normal sausages
- Dumpling looking thingies with Otak2 fillings
- A whole lot of other things that I can't figure out.

It would be ideal for us to finish that within these three days. At the moment things are not looking so ideal.

Oh well, if that moment comes when we finally finish packing and eating these stuff, I'll blog about it. Till then, I think we are doomed to think about how to do these two things without dipping our heads into the toilet bowl.

Scooter...

Ever wonder how people in the 60's sits on scooters with those ridiculously short mini dresses????

If now I got you wondering... that makes two of us are wondering about the same thing...

The difference between me and you was that, I literally tried... 

Still wondering!

Blank

I'll be honest, I am envious of people who are in touch with their emotions.

I am aloof, which makes me a terrible candidate to even be considered for a relationship.

My last, I guess, real relationship I had was maybe... 3 - 4 years ago. Is it even weird that I didn't even remember the exact year let alone the date of that particular relationship. Thankfully, I did remember the person I was in a relationship with.

Aaanyway... One of the things I remembered was the reason the whole thing crashed down and out of control was when I was being too emotional about it. I had no one to tell me how a relationship should be like.

That's why now, I am blank of any emotions when it comes to .. umm.. matters of the heart and all that bullshit. I am the hot sexy .... poker face.

I am smiling with a straight face.. yes. I love you, but my face would never give me away. I could be indifferent, but other people might think that I look somehow, pissed off.

It takes a while for me to register excitement, or anything that is remotely close to ... being humane.

Sue once told me that I need someone to claim me.

The thing is, I don't really need to be claimed.

My other friends think that it would be fucking interesting to see me fall in love and not in lust with anyone.

I know I would be interested to know what stupid shit I will be doing this time around. 

The only culprit...

Of my not being able to sleep had been my slacking off from my daily work out.

I have a reason for my slacking off.

Work had been crazy and I barely have enough energy by the end of the day to head to the gym.

And for some reason, I am only able to fall asleep before the sun comes up, which just won't do because I would usually finish work at 7.30 am.

I asked for help in FB and a few of my friends gave me suggestions. From the usual counting sheeps to sing out the lyrics of any song without music which was apparently used during a friend's service in Iraq. Another came up with a rather hilarious but umm... feasible suggestion, and that is to watch RTM channel.

Heh...

I am all pumped up on adrenaline now, but I know by 12 am, my energy will plummet and I will be wanting to sleep for a maximum of 1 hour. Strangely, I would usually start to be extra alert around 5.00 am and that's when I start to work like a drone, finishing off one assignment after another.

I'd be lying if I said that my schedule is not screwed up. It is... MAJOR screwed up.

I don't know... I am going out on a limp here and asking for more suggestions to get more sleep here.

Apparently, readership had been down since the last fucking Piah fiasco. Some of the regulars cut me off because according to them, I am judgmental.

However, I would appreciate if any of you guys who is still reading this would suggest a sleep remedy. I am now resolving to start my gym regiment again to help me sleep to at least fall asleep. I welcome other sleep inducing ideas!

Thanks!

Oi Vey!

My boss told me that you will never really experience the 'true' meaning of managing unless you have tried your hands at managing an operations team.

When you manage an operations team, you are bound to experience the less than attractive world of dramatic human behavior.

(Shit! I forgot to send in my End of Day report for today btw... oh well... the hell...)

I wasn't a part of the recruitment process because I wasn't in management at the time. So when I got the new batch and I was promoted, I got myself a rather eclectic bunch of people, all in their mid and late 20's.

Not to mention a couple who are in their thirties. Like yours truly. (Wait... I am 31 now right???)

Remember that saying? That good wine ages with time?

What about comparing (some) people in the thirties to milk?

Sometimes I think that I might be dealing with people whose mentality might have already stop growing when they reach the age of 17 (sometimes 9).

Then I got myself thinking, hey... I actually knew these kinds of people back when I was doing my PR shit. Just that it wasn't quite magnified because I was their peer and never their boss.

I like to think that I am a rather... well easy going (albeit fierce looking) boss, although I cringe whenever they call me that. My management motto is simple :

You shall not lie, you shall turn up for work and you should know that in exchange for money (and more money) you shall perform and do your work, honestly.

Do that, and I shall make your life easy. I will back your shit up whenever whatever happens, I will do whatever it takes to accommodate your needs.

Failure to do that would easily mean that, well...I won't make your life easy. Because when you are not doing all those things which would make your life a hell lot easier, you will make my day hell... subsequently... well...

Tumpahlah kuah ke nasi.

In other words... your day would be a blithering hell as well.

I don't expect anyone to make coffee for me. I can do my own. I don't need anyone to be overly nice to me, I can manage without that for 12 hours. I do expect professionalism, I do expect maturity.

Easy innit to be under yours truly?

So I will never understand this whole drama thing. Those that comes from people who had already been on the face of the earth for an alleged 30 over years too.

Why can't we just be professional. I am sure all of us will be happy, and I might just recommend them a higher position with another project (without compromising my own of course.)

*shaking head...*

............... again

Had been trying to get inspired for a few days now.

Not successful of doing so at the moment.

I have also been taking double the carbs yesterday and a lot of sugar today.

Have to get my ass to gym tomorrow. I would feel fat and sluggish if I don't. I am just taking the day off today because I am can't afford to be sleepy at work.

On the other hand, weekend was okay. Spent time with close friends, to whom I am forever grateful to, mainly because they keep me sane.

And yes... I am still in need of a vacation.

Rright after I get settled in the new apartment, completely.

*sigh*