Monday, May 23, 2011

Someone told me that I should take care of my heart, I told them that my heart was deepfried, dipped in mayonaise, chewed and swallowed.

I remembered when I just got out from the longest relationship I ever had of two years, I was a mess.

I truly felt as if I can never function. I can't cry much, and I constantly felt this tug in my chest.

I felt as if I have been hit by a car for hundreds of times. I went about my life like a fucking idiot.

Everything reminded me of 'us', whatever that meant.

After that, after a spattering of short term affairs, I decided, that I MUST stop.

When I turned 30 (Or was it 31), I finally decided that this... this whole drama and nonsense of trying to be in someone's life, or trying to get someone into my life... it's just a move that had never actually benefitted me in any way.

All it gave me was pain.

And then it brought me relief, because I finally see that I am fine on my own.

Sure. I am happier, eversince I met The Scotsman, my weekends were fun, and for once, I have someone who really 'acted' as if he's into me.

I set things right, in a phone call. Or rather... we set it right.

We agreed on staying as friends, we agreed that this is not a relationship.

This is just a show of affection, from one individual who happened to connect with another person.

I have been telling myself, discreetly that I think this is getting too hot too fast. Something's going to be burned and I do not want it to be me.

I am selfish... that way. When you have gone through all the bullshit that I have gone through, you'll understand.

So, The Scotsman and me will remain as good friends.

How do I feel about it? Strangely.... indifferent.

Experience taught me that you should go with the flow. There should never be expectations from either party. What happens from there, will happen.

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