Since then...

Been very busy... been from here to there, with friends, frolicking under the sun, soaking in the nightlife somewhere in the south. 

I think my recent soul searching did me well. I am more candid in life, my focus at work had been more incredible than before, and I have succeeded in pushing my physical limits to the max in my workout.

Hopefully, I will lose another 2 kilos within the next three weeks. :)

What have you been up to? 

Hell Yeah!!!

A little insight into my 'exciting' life (LOL).

I have been following this awesome website since last month. The site was actually introduced to me by Jade and I fell in love with the couple's exuberant take on life.

Unlike other fitness trainers, so called, this is absolutely raw and real. Instead of the person showing us the moves with a smile and 'forced' enthusiasm, you get someone who is struggling to keep her form in her OWN workout.

I think they are extremely honest about themselves when it comes to pushing the limit, and just watching her in all awesomeness doing those moves are enough to motivate me in completing the workouts.

The Result?

My thighs and bum are firmer, I have more strength and I amaze myself at the things I can do.

Who would think that I am able to actually do 10 burpees! I don't know I can burpee at all! :)

I know I probably would not have her set of abs, but at least, my stamina would be much more than it was.

The video was my exercise for today. I started out slow at first, but went faster in the second and third set. Because I didn't have an interval timer, I went by reps and sets instead.

And Yes... once I achieved my goal of 55 Kilos by the end of August, I would definitely post my picture up, hopefully, with a better looking bod and a smaller tush.

Yatttaaaa!!!



Someone told me that I should take care of my heart, I told them that my heart was deepfried, dipped in mayonaise, chewed and swallowed.

I remembered when I just got out from the longest relationship I ever had of two years, I was a mess.

I truly felt as if I can never function. I can't cry much, and I constantly felt this tug in my chest.

I felt as if I have been hit by a car for hundreds of times. I went about my life like a fucking idiot.

Everything reminded me of 'us', whatever that meant.

After that, after a spattering of short term affairs, I decided, that I MUST stop.

When I turned 30 (Or was it 31), I finally decided that this... this whole drama and nonsense of trying to be in someone's life, or trying to get someone into my life... it's just a move that had never actually benefitted me in any way.

All it gave me was pain.

And then it brought me relief, because I finally see that I am fine on my own.

Sure. I am happier, eversince I met The Scotsman, my weekends were fun, and for once, I have someone who really 'acted' as if he's into me.

I set things right, in a phone call. Or rather... we set it right.

We agreed on staying as friends, we agreed that this is not a relationship.

This is just a show of affection, from one individual who happened to connect with another person.

I have been telling myself, discreetly that I think this is getting too hot too fast. Something's going to be burned and I do not want it to be me.

I am selfish... that way. When you have gone through all the bullshit that I have gone through, you'll understand.

So, The Scotsman and me will remain as good friends.

How do I feel about it? Strangely.... indifferent.

Experience taught me that you should go with the flow. There should never be expectations from either party. What happens from there, will happen.

I think I might get too carried away

That's why I am slowing down.

I get too excited too fast. Not ideal. Not a good idea.

Oh well....

So... It's a weekend

I haven't blogged for a long time.. yes I know that.

I have been doing some soul searching.

I surprised myself at what I am telling myself during the soul searching period.

I came to see that certain things are not for real, certain things are just not there to stay. And I am not referring to life alone.

All the other things.

The only thing that will stick with me, however, are memories.

And it is up to me to make it a lovely memory, or otherwise.

Also, I have come to a resolution that I will not be doing something that everybody expects me to. I am sorry to disappoint some people with my decision, but hey, you have to do what you have to do.

When you have gone through heaps of emotional mess, the way I did, you tend to look at things... differently. Your expectations of everything and everyone is low and you are technically not able to trust people the way you did years ago when you still have your youth to hang on to.

Soul Searching is a massive pain in the ass.

-_-

Tweet?

I went out with my girlfriends today  for lunch.

The last time we three was together was almost, a year ago during this 'photoshoot' :

We met up for an old fashioned stuff our faces session at an American joint in town when the subject of 'Tweeting' came up.

"You must really try. It is soooo much better than FB. You don't have to deal with apps and all. You just post whatever it is that you are doing and other people follow."

Before this I have mentioned before on my failure to understand this whole 'tweeting' phenom.

For one, I rarely, for now anyway, think, of anything significant.

I am sort of dating now, but no reason for me to tweet about that. Heck, I don't even FB about it. I don't like unnecessary attention on 'that' part of my personal life. Not when I have my Mum and my sister in my 'friends' list!

I actually created a Twitter account back in 2008. It has stayed dormant since then.

So, in the spirit of trying out something new, I reactivated my twitter account and decided to give it a test run.

I want to see what's all the hype in tweets. So.... what-lah?

--

I met up with The Scotsman after a week of not 'dating'. He had something going on last weekend so we took it as our time out.

I am not taking this whole thing with The Scotsman too seriously. I am still paranoid (will never stop being paranoid) and so I am just taking it a day at a time.

We kept in touch through text messages during the weekend, like school kids.

It feels kind of nice to receive text messages about what the other person is doing on a weekend spent, for once, since a long time, on our own.

Without feeling obliged to do it, of course.

--

6 Sigma.... Shall I?

Bikini me crazy

Recently, I came across a discussion that happened on a fitness website about a certain bikini shot from one of the site community members.

The bikini shot pictured the contributor in a shiny, thonged back swimsuit, posing with her bum facing the camera, clad in tacky as hell stilettos and the blonde was sporting a really bad tan.

One of the readers commented that the contributor should be more respectful of the others and should not be posting such a shot.

Others of course, disagreed (especially the men.. :P). Their point was that, there is no wrong in flaunting your assets, especially when one has worked so hard for it.

Now, personally, my concern was not whether the contributor was being disrespectful. It was all a matter of being .... tacky.

I am all for freedom of expression here. So, being that, I also have the freedom to cringe whenever someone stepped up to the pool, in really tacky bikinis.

I love bikinis. I have just recently had the guts to wear them. Before this I wouldn't even dream of stepping out in a two piece. I was even having problems with wearing a one piece. I was too cautious of my body. Worried that my jiggles might start a civil war... or something.

To me, one should know how to choose a bikini that would look 'sensible' and is not too overwhelmingly 'slutty'.

I want to look sporty and fit in a bikini, definitely not slutty and trashy.

So, go for these, which are perfect for sunbathing (if you, like me, can't swim and can only... attempt to... float)  :

And for the love of God... NEVER this :

Really, we have the sun to do the shining, we don't need your pubic area to spread the light too.

Just a thought. ;)

Much ado about everything

When asked what is it about me that he likes :

"You have a nice arse, and also of course I like you because you have dark eyes, you are pretty and you are smart..... but the arse." *Grin*

*rolled eyes* -- Men.

--

What I have learnt, now that I am 30 years away from being a senior citizen :

- Never do things to satisfy other people, ALWAYS do things that will, first and foremostly, satisfy yourself first, and the other person, second.

- ALWAYS do have a genuine intent when helping people.

- Karma is real.

- I only roll well with older men. Preferably Scottish, who makes breakfast, bitches about men who tucked in their shirts in their shorts and has a sense of humor. :)

- Never let age gets in the way of happiness.

-Never expect anything to come out from relationships. 99.99% of the time, it will not turn out the way you want it to.

- One will never be indispensable, professionally.

- Exercise gives you a sharper mind, together with a bigger appetite for fats life.

- Life is short. Live it, and you better do it well, because life is a one hit wonder.

Life

The Scotsman and I had lots of talks on us.

Now, The Scotsman is an honest and grounded guy, not out to impress anybody. He is not your typical expatriate. The ones I dated, pay for my everything, and although I enjoyed it, I knew even back then that it is not supposed to be that way.

The Scotsman and I functioned like a real 'couple', a working class couple. I pick up the tab to the groceries this week and he will pay for my food when we go out. If I feel like it, then I will pay for the happy hour booze we have at our usual haunt, if not he will.

We are not calculative, and I don't think we can. If he doesn't have enough cash at a point of time to buy something (we don't carry lots of cash when we go out, because we walk everywhere.) and I happen to have some on me, I will buy it first and he will pay me later.

And we don't give a shite about eating out at fancy places serving small portions of food. It's lucky that I advocate street food, so I know exactly where to go to have a good meal, not just some frou frou pomp in some overpriced venue.

I concluded that we are together because we are living the moment, living the day, like life will let go of its' leash anytime the next day. It doesn't really matter to us if we are going to end up together or not. Both of us have gone through a lot of relationship trials to date, and whether this will eventually become 'something', just doesn't bother us that much.

If it doesn't, then too bad, life goes on, oh blaardy ohhh Blaaardaaaa... (however the hell you would spell it).

So, at the moment, I like crossing the street with his my hands tucked in his firm grip, and we love the dinner conversations, and the weekly 'swim' at the pool.

Whatever happens next, will happen. I will face it like a real woman.