Friday, April 19, 2013


I would like to think that some day, I would be able to find someone just like Tom to spend the remainder of my life with.

Well, maybe a version of Tom who would fall in love with me, just like how I have fallen in love with him.

The hardest time in the day is when I would be at home, on my bed, looking at the ceiling, forcing myself to sleep.

This would be the time when I would be attacked by thoughts. Past thoughts. And be plagued by future concerns.

I believe that Karma is repaid on a daily basis. When I stopped all contact with a friend a few months ago, I know that it will come back to me. At that point, I figured, I don't want to do the thing that I did anymore. I don't want to keep on trying to grin and bear with something I can't actually stand. I gave up on that friendship.

The last thing I told him that he never quite understood was the fact that he was overzealous in the friendship. I just didn't and never really wanted to put too much effort in it.

Yes... that was mean of me.

However, I believe I was being kind to both myself and him by ending the friendship. He irritated me. I should not grin and bear with him if I can't stand him. I should not inflict myself with that mean pessimism.

I should not give out or reflect negative energy to anyone. I do not want to be with someone just because I needed someone to forget about Tom, which was why I hung out with him more than I would usually do with anyone I rarely know.

I released him from my wrath. I was angry... with Tom. And I didn't handle it that well.

I apologized, and I stopped any form of contact with the person.

It's better that way.

And I never look back. 

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