Monday, January 28, 2013


Many times, from September last year, I woke up crying.

I will be a sobbing mess. Sometimes I didn't even know why, most of the time, it was because of one particular reason. 

No I am not going to elaborate on the reason. 

After wiping my tears and gathering my sad self together, I unrolled my mat and started by sitting in a lotus position, donning the mudras and closed my eyes. 

It's a strange feeling, if I can ever come as close to describing it. It's a mixture of surrender, pain and joy all in one. I focus most of it on my breathing, and on that day itself. 

I have always acknowledged death as a natural cycle. It became more apparent since the incident. Death brings a strange kind of epiphany to the living. Unresolved questions don't help. 

I am as human and woman as I can get when it comes to dealing with death. 

There was resentment, anger and frustration. 

When my Yoga teacher recently asked how was it going with me, I pursed my lips, smiled and said 'Good.' and quickly changed the topic to his vacation. 

Of course, it was a lie. I seek refuge in Yoga, convinced myself that I am not good enough for anyone and resigned to getting the worst that life has to offer so far. 

Growing up, I didn't have much choice. Now that I am 'grown', to an extent, I became dismissive, slightly bitter and is strangely, accepting. 

I don't know how long I have left to live my life. I am not asking for much. 

With Love. 


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