Human connection

Truth be told, I don't even want to be married.

Do I want to have kids? Umm... the answer at the moment would be... no.

Yes, I like babies less than 2 Years Old kids, but to have them calls for big responsibilities.

It's not so much the financial bit of it, it's the fact that I am incomplete as a woman still. My baby at the moment is my career and to have another with actual poop and pee, that's another story altogether.

What I do want, however, is a relationship that goes beyond all those expectations. A relationship that will sustain even if we will not have a chance to be a 'normal couple'.

What is normal anyway? I don't think struggling financially to bring up a kid is 'normal'.

But yes, I want it, but I don't need it. I feel lonely at times, but I won't settle. I can't settle. I tried, failed miserably.

So, I am now not really at peace. Talked to Jade recently and she thought that my 'Sarcyliciousness' is ... not there anymore.

I am just feeling tired. People disappoint me lately. I think I am doing too much for people who takes me for granted.

It's people giving too many excuses I can't accept, people who complaint but never do something about it, people who I try to help but is not helping themselves.

I am also tired of men. Seriously, you guys need a third head on top of the two heads you already have.

I am also tired of being tired of these things. The only thing that helped me a bit was my work out.

And the fact that I still have left some of that sanity at the back of my head. (And cash to buy pretty things), does help.
I need a break.