Saturday, February 12, 2011

A prayer

There are times when I run my fingers through my NSA's hair that I thought... what the flying fuck am I doing?

Like really, deep inside I knew that I need to end it, need to let it go, have a real option of having a real relationship.

Deep inside, I sort of know that, I have to let this man go!

But somehow I can't. I need to feel that longing, that wanting, coming from someone else, even if it's for less than 24 hours.

I don't know how many times last year alone that I was saying to myself that I need to end this, this is over... it should have been over a long time ago, but yet it is still ... here.

As much as I actually know that I am so wrong for him and he is sooo bloody wrong for me,I can't help myself.

I l...ike him. I sometimes thought that we might have the chance to be together, how nice it would be... but after that, I switch back to logic. Technically, I can't be with him, and we have very little in common. Although opposites are supposed to attract.

The only reason why I am praying for another man to distract me is because I want to stop looking at NSA that way. I want to start looking at him the way I used to look at him, not how I am looking at him right now.

Please God, just give me this one tiny wish.


  1. I suppose there are thousands of reason why it seems that sometimes God doesnt grant us our wish. But, its very unlikely that he doesn't... Unless.. (just my own opinion of course),
    .. that we didn't wish for the right thing.. OR...
    ..There was a tad of "insincerity" in our wish (this is a very wide subject to discuss).... OR...
    ..Yr wish has already been granted, but maybe not in the way u expected hence didn't see it.

    I'm inclined to bet on the last one..

  2. Take two:

    Thanks for the very wise insight.

    Well... for now, I will just have to suck it up and move on. :)