There are times when I run my fingers through my NSA's hair that I thought... what the flying fuck am I doing?
Like really, deep inside I knew that I need to end it, need to let it go, have a real option of having a real relationship.
Deep inside, I sort of know that, I have to let this man go!
But somehow I can't. I need to feel that longing, that wanting, coming from someone else, even if it's for less than 24 hours.
I don't know how many times last year alone that I was saying to myself that I need to end this, this is over... it should have been over a long time ago, but yet it is still ... here.
As much as I actually know that I am so wrong for him and he is sooo bloody wrong for me,I can't help myself.
I l...ike him. I sometimes thought that we might have the chance to be together, how nice it would be... but after that, I switch back to logic. Technically, I can't be with him, and we have very little in common. Although opposites are supposed to attract.
The only reason why I am praying for another man to distract me is because I want to stop looking at NSA that way. I want to start looking at him the way I used to look at him, not how I am looking at him right now.
Please God, just give me this one tiny wish.