Unsettling

I went back to JB last weekend. Was hoping to see this little munchkin :

Meet my nephew, Adam El-Syahmi. Age : not even a month old. Born on February 19th, 2011.

But, he had to be admitted to the hospital because he is a bit yellow, which is quite common for newborns and had to be treated. So I was only able to see him for a total of 10 minutes when we were registering at the hospital.

He is so tiny.

He is going to be the lucky one. First grandchild in the family is always the luckiest. Take it from me, I was treated like a princess. No hand me downs for me. :)

The week was my dose of family time. Went out with  my Mum and Dad and went to a relative's wedding.

And played around with the happy kid :

Babies and toddlers are fun. :)

--

Went out with Kak Neesa on Saturday night and as informed that one of my ex colleagues was diagnosed with skin cancer.

The thing is, this colleague of mine is known as someone who takes care of herself. She is into all this beauty skin care things, blowing thousands on taking care of herself.

So the news is unsettling.

I don't know what God is really asking us to do.

Is He asking us to live life without taking care of yourself because in the end you will still get sick or to take care of ourselves and still get cancer?

I am still struggling with the question if God prefers to judge us by what we do or don't do.

It's tricky all this spiritual business. Suffice to say that for now, I believe that God is there, looking after me in a way that I know He is.

Whatever that happen afterwards is really a matter of acceptance, and how you are going to handle it on your own.

Afterall, one should be the master of their own life.

Salud!

So...

In my head... is this...

'I think I like you...'

*Nuzzled his neck**

'... and I don't like it.'

So the next time we see each other... please smile to me, and hug me... and be the estranged friend that you have always been to me.

'I am only doing this because I like you... that way... and I know that you don't like me... that way. So I am just going to turn my head the opposite direction and bask in the satisfaction that I have made the right decision and protected myself. At this age, I am strangely  apathetic towards emotional endearment.'

The truth is :

'I am scared of rejection and I had enough of second guessing.'

Good bye now.

Life as we know it

I have been struggling to come up with an entry for the last few weeks.

I mean, I should have been able to, but I couldn't. I didn't really know why my brain decided to go on an off mode all of the sudden. Especially so since the last week was when I went on a whole entire week of leave.

I spent it some days out and some days in, knitting, sleeping, reading, cleaning and cooking.

Malacca trip

boeuf bourguignon (I always managed to forget how it's spelled)

My frolicking with the one thing that loves me unconditionally

The trip out the day after my birthday with Faz

So I am supposed to, as a blogger, have a lot of things to write about the whole entire weekend. 

But heck, there is no specific obligation for me to come up with any smart anecdotes and typing it on my page. 

What I do know about the whole weekend is however that I am certain that sometimes, we might let our wants get the best of us. We lose sight of what is it that we need. 

For now, I don't actually need to have what I want. I need to find what I need. It is not more money (although, I have to admit, if i struck lottery and get 1 million in my bank account, that would not be a shabbby deal at all!) or more friends. 

I haven't found it yet, but I guess it's not a bad thing to keep on wishing. And have fun while doing that. 

Salud!

A prayer

There are times when I run my fingers through my NSA's hair that I thought... what the flying fuck am I doing?

Like really, deep inside I knew that I need to end it, need to let it go, have a real option of having a real relationship.

Deep inside, I sort of know that, I have to let this man go!

But somehow I can't. I need to feel that longing, that wanting, coming from someone else, even if it's for less than 24 hours.

I don't know how many times last year alone that I was saying to myself that I need to end this, this is over... it should have been over a long time ago, but yet it is still ... here.

As much as I actually know that I am so wrong for him and he is sooo bloody wrong for me,I can't help myself.

I l...ike him. I sometimes thought that we might have the chance to be together, how nice it would be... but after that, I switch back to logic. Technically, I can't be with him, and we have very little in common. Although opposites are supposed to attract.

The only reason why I am praying for another man to distract me is because I want to stop looking at NSA that way. I want to start looking at him the way I used to look at him, not how I am looking at him right now.

Please God, just give me this one tiny wish.

When the clock strikes 12 am

This happened today :

Note : Please ignore the pink bra strap...

I turned 32 today.

As in TODAY.

I will start my 32nd year with a long impending one week off.

I have made a huge step in my career.

I made a step back as far as personal life is concerned. Unless a man can step forward and prove to me that not ALL men are idiots. I can do with 'some' of them being idiots.

I celebrated the first few minutes of my 32nd-hood with my best friend, the cake bearer Joyce Chong, my good friend and barefooted colleague, Thanhes, my ex - Boss, Nagen, my HR, Rizal and my current Boss, Balan, who snapped this picture of me faking a candle blow (He snapped the bb cam late... so fake it lor!)

How did I feel?

I felt blessed. I haven't gotten any presents, but I feel oh so blessed.

And of course all the wishes on my blackberry. How can I not feel more blessed. :)... and I got two cards this year. I never get birthday cards since a long time.

And I am officially, the youngest manager in the team, the only female manager in the night operations team and also, the oldest unmarried grandchild in my family.

I said it before, gonna say it again. I am blessed. I thank God for everything.

Happy Birthday, Me. :)

2011, Hear me BLEAT!!!!

First of all *Ehem* :

Gong Xi Fa Chai!!! Xin Nian Quai Le!!!!

Ok...

So in the spirit of the rabbit, I hopped to work just now. Had a restless sleep, kept on waking up every two hours for God knows why.

And then I spent the first part of my evening in conference calls, email replying and buying my team food.

I googled for a while (I am a fantastic multitasker -- -_-) and found this out :

Earth Goats – Years 1919 and 1979


Stable with feet firmly planted in the ground, Earth Goats are conservative, independent and practical, but not very confident in themselves. Most important in life is the family and they truly enjoy all that life has to offer.


Compatibility

Goats are compatible with Rabbits and Pigs and incompatible with the Rat and Ox.
--


I have to say that there are discrepancies in the statement.

For one, I am not a family oriented person. I love being on my own and although I love my family to bits, too much of family gives me hives. I have been living with my parents when I was in JB and there is not one day that went by without us picking on each other.

Living apart saw us being nicer to each other, we are even able to understand each other better. If that's not a positive progress, I don't know what is.

I will be there for them when they need me, and I will go back to my life when there is no need for me to be around.

Apart from that, I am a wee bit conservative especially when it comes to culture (Which is, in my opinion, the only slice of identity we have left) and I have two of them. I am independent and practical.

What I also didn't know is that there are 5 elements to a Goat, and because I was born in 1979, I am an Earth Goat.

Interesting? I even found how Goats are like in every specific element in life :

Chinese Zodiac - Goat


Personality

Occupying the 8th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Goat (or Sheep) symbolizes such character traits as creativity, intelligence, dependability, and calmness. Comfortable being alone to ponder the workings of their inner minds, Goats enjoy being part of a group, but prefer the sidelines rather than the center. Their nurturing personality makes Goats excellent care-givers. They’re quite and reserved because they spend much time absorbed in their thoughts.

Home and alone is where Goats feel most comfortable. There they can express themselves artistically, whether it’s by painting, cooking or participating in whatever artistic endeavors they enjoy. Goats prefer the couch because there they can relax and explore their minds. They don’t need elaborate furnishings; only items reflecting their desire for art.

When traveling or seeking entertainment, Goats prefer groups or venues that hold many people. Goats spend money on fashions that give them a first class appearance. Although Goats enjoy spending money on the finer things in life, they are not snobbish.

Health

Perhaps because Goats are basically serene, they tend to have fewer health problems. Their fragile exterior hides the fact they’re typically very healthy. When they’re happy, they’re healthy. When Goats become unhappy, especially as a result of romance, they quickly become sick.

Relationships

Goats tend to be private, so it can take effort to get to know one. The Goat is the one who will decide when and with whom it will share its personal life. As a result, most Goats have few “close” friends, yet they’ll work hard for those they love.

Career

Goats at work prefer being part of a flock. Power and status aren’t important. Goats will only assume leadership roles when asked directly. They’ll never volunteer. Good career choices for Goats include: florist, interior designer, daycare teacher, pediatrician(!!) actor, editor, hair stylist, illustrator, musician, and art history teacher (egad... what?), .

Except for the ones in orange... Spot on!

Go here if you want to know more about yours.

http://www.chinesezodiac.com/