My take on stuff

I was supposed to be on a vacation. Well... I am supposed to be on one. I was supposed to drive to JB and stop at a beach so that I can sit on my beach towel on the sand, with a good book and posibbly a great alcoholic beverage.

Well, all that is screwed by my lack of organization skills for my personal plans. I promised my friends that I will be around on the weekend to attend their house party because they were complaining that I was never around when they planned one. I was around, just that, I was not at the party because I was sleeping around the time I was supposed to be at the party. I was sleeping at 7 PM.

Of course, before that, I was shopping at One U with KTB, Joyce and her husband. The night before I was in Zeta Bar with Amy.

The Zeta Bar thing was another disaster. I am bad at socializing when it will not yield any kind of work related 'benefits'.

When I was in PR, somehow my mingling skills came naturally. I was able to talk, I was able to get to know people, I was able to be their friend during the party.

When I quit PR, I just don't see a reason for me to be all that. Every so often, people would describe me as the arrogant bitch. Can't blame them, I am perfectly good on my own, checking other people out.

Checking out clubbers put a smile on my face. They are just so... happy, and intoxicated. Everything that I am not.

The fact that I AM fuckable still stands. When I said fuckable, that means, other than being good at my work etc, I am a defected product when it comes to being someone's soulmate because the only one person I know who is able to be my soulmate is myself. I made a mistake of letting someone else other than the person who picked me up to drive me home. We ended up at his apartment and he ended up wanting to bed me, but I refused and told him that;

"I don't do flings. Even if I do want one, I am totally not interested in having one with you. I need to go home. Either you drive me home or you call me a cab, because I was under the impression that you were going to meet up with the others for food."

That said, I don't think men would ever look at me as anything else but fuckable. I am not a wife material or anything like that... I am fine with that...

Anyway.

A new friend, Dilesh, noticed that I have been looking at a dude intensely. He came over to me and asked me if I liked him. I nodded.

"Okay, I go and bring him over."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

I was hyperventilating.

"No."

'Oh Shit...'

He went over to the guy, my object of affection at that point of time and then walked back with him towards me.

'Okay... Shit!'

He was smooth, in a drunken bugger kind of way. He is gorgeous, that's all that I can credit him with, actually. Needless to say, I lost interest even though we did exchange numbers. And apparently, he is not really into me also, so... no biggie there.

I also went out with Sue. We went to The Daily Grind and had burgers. I had the sinfully tasty Lambugherni and my favorite home made root beer. That's 4 hours of cardio but it's worth every cholesterol laden bits!!!

She is in love, I think. I am happy for her of course. I think it's time us women of character to be happy and to know that our happiness have nothing to do with purchases of any over priced heels or gadgets.

I have yet to get to that stage, but I am happy for her.

Me on the other hand, was absolutely ecstatic over my newly bought bras and panties from La Senza. Those are my little pleasures in life.

My personal trainer was great. During stretching, where my PT was stretching my very strained limbs, I was thinking how would my PT be in bed with the girlfriend (Or boyfriend... I wouldn't know). I am just sick like that. I like the way he pulled my joints. It felt strangely ... euphoric.. heh.

Which kind of reminds me that I am supposed to get a glove for my weights training.

Me.. now

I have a new routine.

I go to the gym 6 days in a week, spend about 2 hours sweating myself silly (At the same time of course, 'cuci mata' checking out the gorgeous gay guys with hot bods).

I am a gym junkie. I love the adrenaline rush I get when I work out.

And I have a gorgeous gay gym buddy. Kish The Bitch (Else known as KTB) is getting all the attention from the guys.

Akak? what to do, saham dah jatuh.

Nevertheless, I am happy. I enjoy the daily workouts. I especially love the yoga classes, despite not able to do the moves anymore as it has been a while since I last practiced the moves. My limbs are rusty and my flexibility is at nil right now.

Me and KTB set a goal to lose weight, tone whatever body parts that we want to tone and to try all of the group exercise classes available. I feel more healthy, I sleep better and I feel like for once I actually have a purpose.

I also have engaged the service of a personal trainer. I am going to be a hot bod independent babe. I have no remorse paying 2Gs for that, because already I can see the difference. My biceps are firmer, my butt, nicer and my upper abdominals, harder.

Now I will just have to work on losing this 'woman pouch'. I was told that all women have a bit of a pooch, although I have to admit I am still looking for one on Giselle Bundchen.

But again, Giselle Bundchen is not human. She could be an extra terrestrial, one that says 'ET likes diamante bras'.

Oh well, I lost close to 6 Kilos since I joined and by Raya this year, I aim to be a hotter chick with a killer bod.

That's a plan kan?

As I sit here with my chicken fingers sandwiches...

I think it might have something to do with age...

And believe it or not, you can even say that I am maybe 'bitter' in these things.

I entered my 30th year quietly... well maybe, aside from the fact that I was constantly badgered by my boss who is in based in NY with "When you turn 30" jokes and whatnots, it went by quietly.

I got drunk on a bottle of Bacardi and champagne, oh well... my drinking capacity went kind of... mockable... but who the fuck cares right?

I found out that I am either too fat for fellow Malaysian men or too skinny for other men of other nationalities... along with all the other factors that may have contributed to my singlehood eg: character, independence, insensitivity, aggressiveness, etc.

Well what I am meaning to say is that, is it me, or just my age that makes me cringe at a couple in love? I cringe at almost everything, couples talking to each other holding hands, couples wearing same colored T-shirts, couples making out in cars (In front of IKEA, which was totally weird... this was confirmed by my tudung wearing sister who said; "Just get a room already - lah." This coming from her was kind of.. well... cool).

I am a cringer, I am a bitter cringer... shoot me already.

My friends came up with this theory that it just kind of comes with this whole 'I don't need a man' vibe that I have been giving out recently.

It is unintentional, I mean, deep inside, I would love to be someone's happiness, someone's dread, someone's kind of important agenda.

For now... I am a bitter cringer, who thinks working out is the single most important thing aside from work. I am going to be a bitter cringer with a better body.

Heh...

Ish

OK... So something struck me while I was checking my emails... all of the sudden I have something to write about... hahhahaaa

I think it is really funny when an ex tells me that they want to keep in touch with me when I know that that might be the last thing that they want.

I mean, if you really want to keep in touch, then you would not keep me from knowing that you actually got married innit?

cakap tak serupa bikin betul...

It doesn't matter anyway because I have decided to not be in contact with anyone who was a part of my past. So...

I discovered that I can have amazing will power. I can do anything if I am to put my mind to it (I know it is fucking cliched but you know what... who the fuck cares anyway... and yes... I am saying fuck like every 1 minute... I can say it more often if the occasion calls for it.)

Oh well... farewell Knuckas! --> my exes that is.

Ye-lah

Oklah... So I am back.

Updates are not gonna be that regular though.

I might be back but my blogging psyche is still in the middle of updating....

Like this kaspersky virus thingie that I just bought...

Uber cool!

I got two tags from two people and it is on the Most Uber Amazing Blog award.

Who would have known eh?

These were written about me... (Yes mee....) by the two amazing ladies.

Jade:

BleepIt- Ahh... what can I say about this lady here? She and I have become chummy over the years. We know how to talk serious talk and how to have fun when fun is in the agenda. She's here to stay.

Jazzy:

Bleepit - I don't know her personally but she's the Queen of Crazy! And a fellow Johorean too, Johor rawkss!!!! I love it that she's so foul-mouthed, but not offensive :) Whatever that means...
Hee... Thank you...

The rules:

- Write five (5) interesting facts about the person who gave you this award.

- Jot down ten (10) interesting facts about yourself or your hobbies.\

- Pick your ten (10 or less) most deserving recipients and describe them.\

- Leave a comment on the recipients' blog to tell them they've been tagged.

- Paste the award badge in your sidebar.

- Have fun!

5 interesting facts about Jade:

- We met in a club. I didn't know who she was the first time I met her. It was only after that fateful night did I know that she is a blogger and started dropping comments on her blog. We clicked so well that we end up being real life chums.

- She is the only one person I know who scratches her nose more than anyone does. It is fascinating to talk to her and to look at her scratching her nose every 5 minutes.

- She is forward and to your face and unpretentious, I like!

- I remembered how excited she was when she told me she bought a few cheap tees from a hypermarket. Hee...

- She is one of those people whom I met on the blog who end up as one of my good friends to whom I can confide in.

- She giggles and roll her eyes whenever she said the word 'fiance' / tunang. I responded by laughing out loud. Haa!

5 Interesting fact about Jazzy

- I never met her before but still she shares the same degree of Johor style Craziness as myself and so I feel like I do know her!

- We happen to share the same passion for Tip Top Ikan Bakar in JB.

- I love her food blog, she knows that, still wishing for her to update that blog!

- From her entries, what I can gather is that she is a non judgmental person and a very laid back cool momma when it comes to life. Kudos!

- She hosted the most amazing dinners for her friends with menu that I can only conjure up in my dreams!!!Still wishing I can be a guest... hey.. no pressure!!!! Haha!

10 facts about me:

1) I have conditional OCD. I can be a pain in the ass when it comes to details but there were very few times when I would just not care about anything.

2) I always have problems filling in the 'race' column in forms. I wish they can come up with 'I am Malaysian-lah' option.

3) I have an American accent since I was little without ever being in the US. It was weird because the only exposure I had was Sesame Street (I swear I am not joking!). I was told that it was a bit too obvious when I joined the debate team in school. I was told to 'lessen' the accent and be a bit more Malaysia. As if eating petai is not Malaysian enough. Ugh...

4) I look for challenges all the time. I get bored if something is too easy. I like the adrenaline rush of doing something that requires me to think of what is the best thing that I can ever do to make it better. I guess that is why I am a Team Lead for the busiest shift in the team.

5) I AM a fitness freak. I workout 6 days in a week and spend at least 2 hours in the gym everyday.

6) I honestly think Shitake Mushroom tastes like petai.

7) I am emotionally aloof. I can't handle emotional outbursts (Especially if it comes from a man... a crying man is just the weirdest thing I have to deal with... EVER!) well.

8) Despite #8, sometimes I broke down and starts to cry without any reason what-so-frikkin'-ever.

9) I have a weakness for smart eloquent tall black men who smells great.:P... yelah shoot me!

10) I hate Racists with a passion and never believed in Malay sovereignty. Sorry, I am just not that kind of person. I believe that everyone has equal rights and chances and will have to work hard to get something that they deserve. That can only be achieved through hard work, knucka!

The recipients:

Juan The Beskot Keras hot Momma - She is my inspiration. She was a super career woman who was juggling a powered up position in one of the biggest company in the country. She sure does pack a punch despite her size.

Darlene, the Goddess with a Home Office - I don't know this lady in person. But I love the way she writes. She id funny, smart and extremely honest. Traits that I love in a person.

I award the two of you!!!

Am I back or am I not back?

A lot of good bloggers fell out of grace during the whole drama of a particular website which took the blogging world by storm.

The sites' so called 'exposure' on several bloggers had a diversely different affect on people. Some of them took to closing down their blogs. Others put themselves on hiatus, some fought back.

As for myself, I believe I put myself on a hiatus not because I was one of their 'victim of criticism'. I was busy with work and discovered that I have lesser and lesser time to sit down and write a decent entry that is worth a read. I changed to a workaholic every given moment.

I found that being a workaholic is better than being a blogger who was on the receiving end of criticism that was mostly based on shallow physical degradation and total lack of intellect.

And in the end, I just could not be bothered to.

I was reminded by a friend whose friendship I have had the pleasure of gaining recently through a long overdue email that when she met me, I loved writing. Well, at least she thought that I did.

I still do, as a matter of fact, I never stopped loving it. To me, writing is my window to my own self discovery. I have traded that for my busy schedule.

I guess nowadays, bloggers have to tread carefully and have minimised talking about their lives the way they were used to.

I can't blame them. When an accusing stranger behind an anonymous pen name made it their mission to find out your sexual orientation just so they can post it up their site to get applause from the many 'minions', who would even entertain the idea of being visibly transparent on the internet.

Furthermore, I also realised that because of my 'observation' of a certain 'chick', I was blasted for having a mentality that is no better than whoever it was who masterminded the site.

My observation was what I honestly thought of what I have read. You don't like it, well... too bad. Shove it up I say.

The blog is now either defunct or is only open for invited readers, which to be honest, is something that I really never cared about.

My biggest surprise was when some of the bloggers that I have 'naively' added on to my FB (well, who doesn't have one these days eh?) decided to, well... be an informant of what was happening in my world after I went on the hiatus. I was outraged that my privacy was breached and so spring cleaned my list of friends. I have only a few bloggers left in my list of friends. Most of the ones whom I kept in my list are those who I trust to not have any interest in my life, not so much as to drying it out for everyone to see.

I was amused nevertheless by the cowardly acts that was only doable under the cloak of anonymity. All of the sudden men, have extra testicles and women, grew an extra pussy and they rant as they pleased.

Hell, stick and stones might break my bones but daahling, words can never kill me.

Whether this hiatus is over or not, I will leave it for you to guess, for now, this was what I thought, sincerely and honestly, coming from my underused blogging section of my brain.