‘How are you?’
And I recognized the number. I told the person to not contact me anymore. That was my last text to him, a couple of months ago.
I was, in my honest opinion, bent on making it as painless as possible. The thing was, it didn’t have any kind of effect on me whatsoever. It was just something that happened back then. I went my own way, I bade him well… well… not literally but… I was not in my ‘goodwill’ mood.
And there were really no damages. I hardly saw him, and he seemed to not want to be with me anyway. I felt… unwanted… if that’s the word. I’d be unfair if I say that everything was his fault. It was also my fault to not be able to live up to his expectations. My idea of a relationship does not fulfill his and vice versa.
I am the defected product. So zip it.
Somehow, I know that really, it was something that I should have said before we came together. It was in my guts, I knew I was only in it for the attention, and it was also an act of desperation, I guess because I was trying to be in a relationship to ‘forget a relationship’.
A rebound, actually.
‘Sarcy felt so damn bad.And somewhat... evil’
Sometimes people do things that cannot be explained. I was close to deciding that I could not get what I want, so I will settle for something that I have, or could get, whether or not I WANT it.
What do you want ay? Women complicate things. We do wish that we could be as clueless as men are but that ship sailed to Timbaktu. We are better connected to our surroundings and dammit, we are also more tuned to our own emotional pleas and whatnots.
Ugh... I would love to say that I hated myself for having done it… but I don’t really…
Again, I’d rather be alone than unhappy.
Well, I hope you didn't respond to the SMS then.
ReplyDeleteAs for being more in tune with your emotions, probably. But personally I zone out whenever something unpleasant surfaces. No point feeling bad about something when I could be spend it feeling good about something else. Supression you might call it.
Hope you okay! been there and it feels terrible as you just don't know what to do. Berserahlah....
ReplyDeleteye sars, better be alone than unhappy. Nanti, just for the sake of being with someone, you compromise yourself.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that ...
Iszo,
ReplyDeletei never did. i guess it is better for me to just disappear rather than staying in touch.
Madam Curi,
havent we all? i am good, i dont think too much about it as i think it is only a waste of my time... hehe
Ome,
I dont want to ever compromise myself. that's no life.