Thursday, August 7, 2008

Very Emotional Post, You have been warned!

For the past years, I have been bogged by a particular person.

I have known this person for what seems like a lifetime, I don’t think it is appropriate to reveal his identity, so let’s just call him C and be vague about everything.

When you have been hoping for you to be with someone on almost every day of the week and then was reminded that there is no way in hell and back that you could indeed be with this person, you know you got it bad.

The thing is, I had, to the extent of wanting to have his baby. I could imagine myself being with him, for real… and this is me, myself and I that I am talking about here. What a ridiculous notion coming from someone who is just every bit of a bitter cow about settling down.

He was an ex, granted, and I kept in touch with him even though I know someday he will find someone and that will hurt me, tremendously. I will eventually disappear with a broken ego and could just accept anyone’s proposal so that I won’t be thinking about him.

Anyone know that no one really forget that one great so called ‘love’ in your life. Trey is getting engaged. FINE… and C will eventually dump me for someone who could be not as good as me or vice versa. FINE! I should move on and live my life.

The thing is, I have always done things in order for me to forget his existence. Everything was centered around what I can do in order for me to NOT think about him. It sucks, but there you go!

I can’t possibly say to C that yeah… I screwed up, but after we broke up, I realized how I could have done better and I just want to be a part of your life now. I want to have your babies, I want to be with you, I want to go through everything with you. But yeah… I tripped the last time and it was entirely my fault, my ego to be more specific.

And oh yeah, I moved to KL partly because I want to be away from you.

Oy vey… shoot me already.


  1. aha... this is... kinda... aha... hmm... (yes dear, i am speechless...)

  2. Dearie, I feel for ya ... I once was in this position, tp kes syok sendiri .. ;-) .. you will be fine, girl :-) bagus jugak emo sekali sekala ni .. get off whatever in your chest :D

  3. there no way u can apologise to him and tell him that you u want a 2nd chance?

  4. i was in ur shoes before. i totally understand of how u feel. :( *hugs*

  5. 2nd chances will only make the situation awkward imho.

    Having seen the way you post and the things you say - I'm not saying I know you at all. But judging from what and how you post, you're a pretty strong woman. But even the strong have a breaking point. Maybe you just need to relax you mind and just think about other things and give others a chance to get to know you. Once that happens you might find someone even better.

    My 2 cents.