Me and an SPG

I have a friend who is a self proclaimed SPG.

She wants to marry an orang putih because she believes marrying one is classy and definitely financially secure.

My other friends could not figure out why in the world am I friends with her in the first place. She is boisterous, loud, trashy, speaka no propa Engrish and is appalling to the rest of my clique.

How I met her itself was an accident. I was on my way to my car, found her slumped on a pavement, drunk, a perfect victim for sexual offenses at 2.30 am in the morning.

I didn’t know what made me help her that night. Normally I would just shake my head and drive out. I guess that night, I was different, not totally sober, but sober enough to make that decision, sober enough to think that a woman should help a woman in need (even though the one in need is not in the know) and sober enough to drive home without getting into an accident.

I left my number with the guards whom I left her with that morning, (in case anything happened) and went home. The next afternoon, she called to say thanks. And we kind of kept in touch eversince.

She would drag me along on one of her Ang Moh raids and I would excuse myself, would call any of my friends to come over and back me up. I would ‘float’ between two groups of people, my friends, and the SPG. Burly, fat, potbellied white men would try to pick me up and one of those people could always score with this SPG friend of mine.

My other friends disapprove. I would shake my head, but what can I do? I have talked with her about her aimless search and clueless perspective before, and she told me this;

“White man good at sex, they pay for everything and they are easy to get.” She said, of course in her own brand of broken English.

What she obviously is unaware (actually, she seemed to not want to know about the truth behind the ‘white men is gewd’ myth) of is that white men can be just as lame and disrespectfully bad in bed as any other Asian men. I had a friend who was dating a white guy who was taking money from her purse everyday and I don’t remember getting Phil, one of my good ‘ex fling now present friend’ that easily.


I told her that I would only go out with her on casual mamak or coffee trips now. I disdain white men who roam clubs and pubs in random search of women they could make fun of and screw.

The good thing about this SPG friend of mine, is that she understood.

“You too smart to be with us. I can see that, but you still ma friend. I like you because you honest. You can teach me propa Engrish oso.”

The truth is, I secretly envied her. I envied her because at least she knows what she wants, and she damn knows how to get it, even though other people around her does not seem to agree.

I think she will get what she want, eventually, and I pray hard for it to be a good ‘white man’, not the trailer park trash type.