Monday, July 1, 2013

Understanding myself

How many of us can honestly say that we really understand ourselves?

I have to say, even now, at 34, I hardly understand some of the day to day decision that I do.

How is it that I decided on eating Oreos and not my normal muesli + skimmed milk combo in the morning? How can I eat 2 pieces of fried chicken, despite trying to be a vegetarian + the fact that I will have allergy reaction to the meat 10 mins after consumption?

(Please note that Oreos and fried chicken are just SO yummy.)

I still cannot understand my affinity towards Scottish men. I seek them out, it seems like. It's ridiculous.

I kind of broke down over the weekend. I am sure the lack of yoga has something to do with it.

The haze forced me to cut my yoga time to a minimum. I was sick for a couple of days with Tonsillitis and a bout of flu and work was draining.

Without my yoga time, I became slightly deranged, disoriented. I was extremely moody and I was demotivated.

"If death was an option that I can take, I would take it."

That was what I said.

Yesterday, I decided, enough is enough. So I laid out my meditation cushion (It's actually just a pillow.) and meditate for about 1 hour. I am still not able to practice as it is my moon days and until the 4th day, I am not encouraged to practice.

I cannot, for the life of me, fathom my need to break down once in a while. I am now confused over what I want to do in life. Career wise, what I want personally and what I hope to achieve in the next 6 months.

Is that new job really what I want? or is that my menial human obligations screaming out to me.

So.. for the next couple of days, I will strive to understand myself.

With Love, Namaste.


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