And I wonder...

Self - deprecation.

There are a lot of questions that I would love to get answers to.

a) If we are not supposed to eat junk, then why do we have to come up with junk food?
b) If I don't eat much, why am I still fat?
c) Why skinny women still think they are fat?
d) Why is it that chocolate/Nasi Lemak/Burger goes straight to your hips?
e) WHY do healthy crap tastes like crap and unhealthy crap taste like heaven?
f) Why do women in relationships hate sex?
g) Why are sex - loving women single?
h) Why are women, complicated?
i) Why do needy women turn men on?

WHY?

and of course :

j) Why do I have to be vegetarian when I do not want to?

I don't have the answers and will probably never get the answer to it.

At this point, all I am doing is meeting more people. Making more friends. No expectations. No obligations.

I love good insightful conversation. It helps me to get into men's / women's psyche. What they want, what they thought they want.

I thought I wanted a few things in my twenties :

1) Someone who 'Loves' me. (Ugh)
2) Someone who 'Loves' me for what I am. (Ughx2)
3) Marriage
4) Kids

Now that I am nearing my mid 30's, these are what I want :

1) Someone who Likes me (At least)
2) Good sex
3) Great career and a 50k a month paycheck is not too bad.

Experience and life's bitter journey is a bitch.

Curb your enthusiasm

... Or.... the lack of it.

So I am right now at my hometown.

I was locked out of my car for the second time this year, at a petrol kiosk. Thankfully, I was still 5 minutes away from my house and office.

So my best friend came to the rescue.

My handbag, my blackberry and also my car keys were in the car at that time.

I was totally immobile at that time. The guys at the petrol kiosk was kind enough to let me use the phone.

I head off home at about 10.30, and arrive at Ayer Keroh at about 11.30 pm.

So. Right now, the only thing that I was excited about is to clean the kitchen.

I am somewhat... OCD about these kinds of things. The only one in my family who is, as a matter of fact.

I am trying to be enthusiastic about Raya... really... Trying really hard.

Wish me lots of luck.

Ayu

Peeved

I hate hypocrites.

I know of a woman who complains when her expat husband eats bacon. She thinks it's foul and kept on saying that he shouldn't do it because he has converted to Islam and is not supposed to be eating that 'haram meat'.

All this, despite the fact that they have been having sex before their marriage, and also that she drinks alcohol, which is 'haram' every other time.

She justifies her act of drinking beer in Ramadhan by drinking it discreetly. She asked her husband to buy fastfood for her because she is unabke to do so, because she is supposed to be fasting.

Seriously.

I don't hide my religious 'petulance'.

I drink beer, and I eat and drink outside. I believe it is a bigger insult to the religion if I fast without sincerity and doing it just because everybody else is doing it.

Of course, I don't really have a strong belief in the religion. And I think one of the reasons why I am still single is my inability to stomach my other half converting to the religion just to be with me.

I am all for a civil marriage. And I do want my children to have options. I don't believe anyone has to be born as anything. Just like how we do not fancy being stuffed with things that we don't like, it is also wrong to 'stuff' an ideology up your kids' assess.

One of the first things I posted on FB at the start of Ramadhan is for everyone who wants do it, to do it... because they want to, because it is better for them to not do it, if all they are doing , is to pretend ... thinking pretention is better than not being normal.

Which will never be right...

So.... selamat Hari Raya, and have sincerity in celebrating it. Because if you don't have that, all the prayers in the world won't save you from your impending karma.

posted from Bloggeroid

What I've learnt...

:: There will be that one person who will alter your opinions on everyone else. E.g. : Opinions towards men.

:: I was 20 when I realized that my life is as insignificant as chopped liver.

:: I was 30 when I found out that my life is still insignificant...

:: Yoga gives me an avenue to be alone with my thoughts and my body. I don't give a damn about what other people think of me. My Yoga practice, no matter how unimpressive, will always whisk me to that special place I never knew I had.

:: Men who said they are concerned about you but have made it clear that they don't want you to be in their future is bluffing. Their concern are necessary pretence, with sex as an exchange.

:: Women like to be with the above type.

:: Good people almost always never end up with someone they deserve. They would always end up with people who abuses them.

:: When I was 27, I realized that my personal life is something of a mess, and so, I decided to pack up and move to KL. I have been single eversince.

:: When I moved on to managerial position, I realized that I am pretty good at this. Not quite my calling, but I enjoy the ups and downs of the job.

:: I think my calling is really to become a celibate tree hugging Yogi.

:: My disconnect with my family could be because  I was a loner when I was younger and have always been given heavy responsibilities starting from the age of 8. My fear of having a family might be due to the fact that I never had the opportunity to grow up as a kid but rather someone who has to take care of what she did and said.

:: ...That, there is no point in thinking about what happened and what will happen, concentrate on the now, or lose it when you die.

:: Love is over rated. But not when you had two occasions whereby you knew that you were actually in love... even if the other is unrequited. And what love really is, was to let go of it.

:: The human heart is resilient. Mine had been stomped on, roasted, baked, deep fried, chewed and hurled out. Yet, despite my cynical take on life, I still believe in the simplest basics of life, and love.