I am tagged by En. Iszo, on listing out my resos, and to keep it as stupid and simple as I can.
For year 2010, here goes:
1) Be a better person.
2) Get that CANON DSLR
3) Be happy
4) Keep close friends close
5) Buy a plasma TV.
Whoah... that's simply stupid and short. :P
A dear friend, one of my best friends actually was told by another friend to lose weight so that there would be a bigger selection of men for her to choose from, that would not include heartbreakers, jerks and assholes.
During our weekly banana rice session on sunday nights at Nirwana (check for two babes and a guy who would be laughing our asses off for hours!), we talked bout it for hours. This is a weekly ritual that we come to have. Something that we do to, I guess, keep ourselves sane.
Now this friend of mine is one of the most interesting person I know. She speaks impeccable English, being that she is an English lecturer with one of the local Us, her ideas are possibly more radical than mine and she has what I call, gumption.
I have always looked beyond the fact that she is big. The only thing that mattered to me I guess, is that she is a good friend and a phenomenal woman, who has managed to pull through a few ordeals that I have not had the bad luck of having.
When I heard what the other friend told her, my jaws literally dropped.
"Sapa cakap dengan ko macam ni noks (Who told you this?)?" I went.
She said when her friend told her that, she immediately thought about me. I have worked my ass off to get the body I am in right now, but guess what, I am still alone and basically incapable of getting a man / partner who is worthy of my attention.
No doubt, there had been a few infatuations and stuff involving particular men, but I dismissed them as there had been no chemistry there whatsoever.
I don't know what to put it as. Insecurity/ paranoia.
But as far as I can figure out right now is... paranoia trumps insecurity.
I have been in quite a few relationships. My paranoia is not just on what if the relationship didn't work, it is more on 'what if the man I am in a relationship with proved to have major flaws?', like him being a male chauvinist pig, woman beater, unconditional sarcastic ass?
So, I dumped that man and look for more creeps and look forward to be proven right?
In this hot body I am on my way of getting?
Conclusion : No matter what kind of body you have, the selection stays small.
We only have men who are narcissists, egoistics, chauvinists, racist bigots, liars, cheaters, asses, fuckers and all combined to choose from.
I don't want to die alone, but the prospect of that happening is there and I have no strength to fight it.