Am up at 3.30 am ET going what the fuck? (short blogger's notes)

Me in my bikini

Lately, I have been waking up at crazy hours.

My clock had been totally the opposite from all normal Malaysians. My 9.00 am MYS is considered 8.00 PM ET. So when everyone else is driving to work, I am driving home, looking forward to my bed and blanket.

Nowadays, I have been wearing my bikinis in the house. My last vacation was last Raya, when I took one whole week off, leaving me more exhausted, than rested. Whoever said raya was ever relaxing anyway?

I long for the beach, waking up at 10 am (which is considered waay late for me), lying on the towel in my bikini, doing nothing but sipping my cocktail and finishing the books I bought the last couple of months.

At the moment, that somehow seemed so.. out of reach.

I think my breaking point was last couple of days, when I broke down and cried in my car for maybe a good 5 minutes, for no reason. Work, even though I enjoy the pressure and all, had been kind of, taxing.

I am very sure that all I need is a long extended weekend on my PTO. After that, I should be right as rain, with more energy and motivation.

I just want to wear my bikinis out on the beach. That would be total bliss. For now, walking around the apartment in bikinis in my almost bikini-ready bod is kind of depressing. I am doing it to feel somewhat vacation-ey. Still waiting for the effects, as I type.

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Emotional Pussy

I can be wreckless with other people's emotions sometimes.

I have never understood why my exes told me that I am kind of detached from my emotions and somewhat careless with theirs. I know that I am aloof but I never knew that it actually mattered.

I guess in a way I was only like that because I was protecting myself.

When I was a kid in school, I would sometimes get a bit carried away with trying to please my friends, just so that they would stay friends with me. After that, I thought, what the heck, all this is crap.

I realized that when I was 12.

So although I do love my friends and family, I can sometimes be seen as being detached.

I don't think that I should  change this about myself because it would just be weird (ironically) for my friends if I start to be emotional about everything. Even showing excitement is a challenge to me.

Is is disturbing though that I think to start being emotional is like losing a part of me?

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Random stuff

A couple of days ago, I went to a gas station to withdraw money.

I was next in line and in front of me was this woman who was trying to be fashionable in a baju kurung moden.

Maybe I am somewhat conventional in a way because I never thought a baju kurung should ever be modified to anything else. I am fine with adding on beads or embroidery on a basic baju kurung, but never fine with anything else. I think baju kurung moden is faux pas.

But I don't want to bitch about this woman's baju kurung moden. I want to bitch about how some people would hog the only ATM machine available to draw money out of a few accounts, knowing very well that there is a person waiting in the line, who might only want to take some RM 500 out for the whole week.

Sure, you have a lot of accounts, but seriously, it doesn't hurt to tell the person waiting that you have more than frikkin' 10 different withdrawals to do and the person who wanted to do one transaction should go first.

Hon, the world does NOT revolve around you and your 20 ATM withdrawals.

Extremely annoyed.

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Peculiar

Ever wonder what's with the seriously obstructing metal whatchamacallits that makes your body tilt forward when you pee?