Shoe

I spent 4 frikkin' months searching for a pair of wedges in my size.





I went from KL to JB, to all imaginable complexes that I can get to.





All was in vain.





I was searching for yet another pair of shoes that I have not YET managed to get in my size.





Went to Ikano, Curve and OneU with Joyce and KTB.





And what do you know I found the pair I was looking for 4 months ago in my size!

So that means another 4 fucking months to get the other shoes I want!

What I think right now right here after busting my ass in gym for about 2 hours.

I don't like to be alone with nothing to do. That is why I would rather spend my time watching movies or working out at the gym then to sit alone doing... well nothing.

Usually when this happen, I would sleep, just to avoid being alone, and awake with nothing to do.

It's only when you are alone, awake and you have nothing to do that your inner demon and the ghosts of the past start to haunt you. You get all this weird images that you wish you have never encountered in your past. These include your exes, toxic so called friends etc.

Over the past few days, I have been getting dreams about my ex, UC a lot. I hate it when I do. I will still be thinking about him despite the fact that he is now no longer in my life. I have lived sans UC for quite sometime.

I am fucking proud of myself for that. I am also seriously proud of myself to finally taking the step to eradicate him completely from my life.

Now I am a few KG lighter, I am learning to let go of my baggage slowly... but surely.

I know I sounded super emotional, but think of it as happy emotions rather than the screwed up sympathy begging ones.

I even think I look happier too. All this thanks to super friends I have around me. They had me on solid ground.

At 30, I begin to see that everything is.... weirdly... well... possible.

*sigh*... a short note

There are just not enough men who are 'men' around.

As a matter of fact, I think my gay friends are much more 'man' than most so called man I know.

By the by, if you want to be a 'man' and want to ask a real 'woman' out, a conversation based on what the woman is going to wear during a date and what kind of underwear she has on is NOT appropriate topic for conversation.

Unless you want the woman to think that you are a dickhead.

"You should be taking before and after pictures"

Yeah... like hell I would.

I was talking to Tyler, one of the sweetest guy who I got to know through a friend who is now in New York. He made it a point to touch base with me at least once every two weeks, a gesture which I appreciate deeply.

It was about 2pm EST (That's 2 am our time) on July 3rd and so, I guess, even if I was slurring... my brain worked just fine because I woke up with full accounts of what we talked about.

We talked about the latest development in our very insignificant lives. About me transforming to a gym junkie and about his job, adventures and misadventures in NY.

He came from DC and he prefers DC, but he said, aside from the really ridiculously high cost of living in NY, guess it wasn't that bad.

He is positively the only white guy who loves all the Malaysian spicy food. The last time we had Banana leaf rice lunch over at Nirwana in Bangsar, he was enjoying it much more than I did. He was literally crying his eyes out.

He also loves Asam Pedas, Sambal Belacan and all kinds of curries.

The hotter the better.

"I am getting skinnier." I slurred... well... I think I slurred.

"I don't think you need to get anymore skinnier but ok."

"No Tyler.... I am getting skinnier. I love it."

"What's your ideal weight?"

"50 frikkin' 2. According to my BMI. As you know, I am short... and extremely wide."

"You are short compared to an American... yes... but you are not wide - lah."

Yes... the white guy ended his sentences with a very typical '-Lah!'.

"Shut up lah!"

"You should be taking a before and after picture." He said before chuckling.

My American friends (Bless them! Afterall, their country is in pretty bad shape... Obama my other boyfriend is doing all he can and it is not entirely their fault that the previous idiot of a president mess a lot of things right?) always thought that I am skinny. One friend even cooked me collard greens, which is my favorite, just because she thought I should eat more.

Hee... like hell no. Asian wise, I am overweight. My butt is the size of a small country named Sarcloveria and have roughly a population of maybe 500 Sarcloverians. I am the Queen... No king to rule my ass of yet.

*Sigh*... I miss Tyler.

Anyway... on Independence long weekend, I actually slept the rest of my Fridays off, went to the gym on Saturday and Sunday and right now I am spending my free time updating ths blog in Starbucks. I feel like I want to pee... I think it's the exercise and the fact that I downed gallons of water during my workout and, one glass of Iced lemon tea and a Tall low fat latte.

Too much liquid for my 'made in China' bladder.

I am also thinking about what to make for dinner. I have chicken fillets and vermicelli... hmmm... I think I will make vermicelli cooked with brown sauce... that means I need shitake mushrooms, which kind of tastes like petai... no?