You either do, or you don't

I feel that I must apologize for my lack of commitment to updating this blog.

Things had been, different. I guess it comes with the new job and role that I am taking over.

Anyway.

Because of the ridiculous KL traffic that puts me in a tricky situation when it comes to going home after work, I have decided to join the gym located in my new office's building.

My first workout was yesterday. I was not really surprised to find that it was... Crap.

I had no stamina and I was weak. I was thinking and running at the same time and it was not great.

My left leg had a mild cramp and I was floored after 45 minutes.

Mind you that before this, I would usually work out for more than 2 hours... Daily.

On the way home, I was doing an RCA (Root Cause Analysis.. ;p) on my crappy workout.

First thing's first, my diet was absolutely irregular. Since I started work, lunch was non - existent. I am very new in the office. I have no friends, and everybody seemed to work on lunch. I was.. well... lost. which is quite normal if you are new.

So, obviously, I didn't have anything for lunch. I had a grande size mocha for breakfast and for my lunch (-ish) I had a grande size mocha and a piece of bread.

The rest of the day was spent in one meeting after another.

So by 6 pm, I was spent. My energy was depleted. But I soldiered on to gym.

OBVIOUSLY, I had a crappy workout.

Okay, so, my Goal plan for now is to...

Eat more, have a better workout.

And oh. Happy January everyone.

With Love, Namaste.

2014!!! *Waves*

So, January so far had been full of things.

Good things mostly, but it is tiring me out. Right now I am just glad for my coffee and my me time, that seemed to still be undisturbed, at the moment.

On the job front, let's say.. I am on the right track. I am blessed.. truly.

Happy New Year everyone!

With Love, Namaste.

Downtime thinking

My 'current situation' made me think about a lot of stuff. 

I have kept myself busy most of the time to prevent myself from thinking about things. 

I am unemotional at best, but I am vulnerable especially when I am on my own, left to my own devices, the worst being.. my mind. 

I kept myself busy with books and my Workforce Management Studies right now. I am trying to improve myself and also trying to keep myself occupied, now that I don't have to worry about attrition rates etc. 

On the job hunt front, I am trying to not think too much about  it. Things will come... at the right time. 

I will be ok. I think. :)

Namaste.

December 2013

Yes... it is now December, 2013.

Just  yesterday, I was thinking to myself... already?

I can hardly remember the things that  happened, to be honest. I felt that 2013 was kind of like a blur. I remembered the trips that I made, to Perhentian Island and of course the most recent, Hong Kong... but I can barely remember the rest of the things that  happened before or after that.

I have not been keeping track of things, although, I should.

I second guess myself a lot too.

Now, I am sitting in  a Starbucks, in the throes of the normal lunchtime crowd, trying to think of positive thoughts.

I still have no idea what I really want to do in life, of course. I don't think that  has anything to do with my professional training. I don't think I want to be an analyst all my life.

Oh well. Cheers to the rest of 2013. I will try to blog again if I can.

Namaste.

Black hole

A lot of things are happening in my life right now.

Well, not actually a lot. It just seems like a LOT because I over think stuff.

When I went for a short drive, through Jalan Duta and Parlimen, basically one big round to get home, yesterday, I realized what I was doing.

I was analyzing.

I was analyzing the things that happened to me, the people that were involved in them, and what was my reaction to it.

Was I acting accordingly, or not? Was I being over zealous, was I taking it for granted? Was I not protecting myself enough? Was I happy that my guard was down? Was I happy that I was about to be paid severance pay? Or was I bitter because I am now about to be dismissed and it seemed that I am either under or over qualified?

The truth is, there are currently 7.125 billion (And counting) people living on earth right now. There are 1.8 deaths per second and an estimated 370,000 babies are born worldwide everyday.

And where do I sit? I am one of those 7 billion people living their lives, struggling to survive their own battles, every damn day.

What makes my battle any worse or easier than my other fellow humans?

In a crowd of 7 billion? Nothing really. Probably, money, and who they have in their lives, but most of us, depends on who we are, what we choose, and what we do.

I find it amazing that as much as I would like to say that I have a black hole trying to suck me in its oblivion circumstances, there are 7 billion other types of black holes, hovering on top of each and every one of us.

Makes me feel small, and insignificant. On that note, I am trying to think about it in a bigger picture.

With Love, Namaste.

Freud's Requiem

In his book, Freud discussed impermanence and Transience.

I read his book, during my 'short but comprehensive' experience in the university, years ago. It was something that I borrowed from the university's library.

Lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things that pulled me down to a state of, depression.

The lay off was disheartening. Changes are coming, most of which I am most uncomfortable with. And the state of my personal life is not at all encouraging.

I have been having the urge to bawl like a baby from time to time. Sometimes I have no control over things I am crying over.

Suicidal thoughts run through my mind.

My friends, keep me grounded. My journal, keeps me sane. To a point. My practice, keeps me tethered to a part of myself.

Outlook for now... Bleak.

Namaste.

Realization

1) I realized when I was a kid, I was not able to touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. I lived with it. I am happy.

2) I realized I can't ever whistle any tune. However, I was blessed with a non - tone deaf sense of rhythm, and a nice voice. I lived with it. I am happy.

3) I realized that I can lose weight. I lost it. I lived with it. I am happy.

4) I realized that I am quite good at backbends in my Yoga practice, however, I suck at arm balances. I lived with it. I am happy.

5) I realized that no men will look at me and think 'she would be the ideal woman to wake up next to, to be in a relationship with, to go through thick and thin with, or to stay by when she is sick.'

I lived with it. I am not so happy, but life has to move on.

With love, Namaste.